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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask for money in postnup despite being a high earner?

251 replies

dillydally24 · 18/05/2022 19:31

I have been married for several years and am a full-time working mum of two (one toddler, one baby). My husband brought a lot of assets to the marriage (about £3m), the result of years of hard work. I brought assets too, but a fraction of that amount. Before marrying, I signed a prenup which left me with half the share of assets generated during our marriage. I am now asking to have that prenup replaced by a more generous postnup, as, if we were to divorce now, the settlement outlined in the prenup would leave me with assets of about £500k, of which about £300k would be my own savings. £500k is a lot, I know, but wouldn't be enough to buy a house in our local area where 4-bed houses cost £1.5m. I am asking for more, but my husband says I don't need it because my earnings have taken off since we married (I now make about £500k a year gross of tax) and I can afford to take out a big mortgage to make up the shortfall. AIBU to ask for more? I just want enough to buy a home for me and the kids without having to stress about a massive mortgage. He makes roughly the same amount of money a year as me.

OP posts:
AbsolutelyLoveIy · 19/05/2022 08:08

You’ve been married
for several years …… and now you’ve been married for not very long.

Which is it OP!

interesting post 🙄

leonardo871 · 19/05/2022 08:08

RodiganReed · 18/05/2022 19:59

Eh? How has a bloke as wealthy as him and a woman with an income like yours generated so few assets during the marriage? I don't understand how there would be so little in the pot in the event of a split.

Yep.
Something does not add up. She is NBU to question how that is what she would get. Speak to a solicitor today.

midsomermurderess · 19/05/2022 08:09

Prenups not valid on England and Wakes? Get yourselves over to Radmacher v Granatino [2010] UKSC 42. If the agreement has been properly drawn up and various key criteria met, you can expect it to be fully taken into account and its terms upheld.

Really, don’t ask for legal advice here.

And did no one watch The Split? Did you think all the talk of prenups was made up?

SpiderinaWingMirror · 19/05/2022 08:10

I think you are putting the cart before the horse.
What would be reasonable in the event of a divorce? Capital to meet your needs. But surely that was all considered at the point of pre nup
Would he have married you at that point without a pre nup?
Why are you worried about it now? Tbh if I was your partner I'd be pretty passed off and unsettled about that.

Maurepas · 19/05/2022 08:10

I see Governor of Bank of England earns £575,000.

Minoloso · 19/05/2022 08:26

I’m sorry but why post on here? If you have that much money surely contacting a solicitor or financial advisor would be the obvious route?

GenderAtheist · 19/05/2022 08:32

ClaryFairchild · 19/05/2022 04:19

I think you should get a post nup that allows you to save and generate investment assets that are excluded from the family pot to give you a chance to even up your assets base.

That's probably the fairest way for you to get on a more even footing.

This. And you clearly need good advice from an accountant who specialises in tax planning.

grapewines · 19/05/2022 08:37

sst1234 · 19/05/2022 07:36

You are unreasonable. You brought less into the marriage and from what you said, you earn the same as him him now (contradictory to the title). What makes you think you are entitled to more?

This.

standoctor · 19/05/2022 08:38

In the uk pre-nups are worthless they have no legality forget it

NewandNotImproved · 19/05/2022 08:40

Aww, cute you’re showing off the musings of millionaires. 🥴

standoctor · 19/05/2022 08:41

If you earn 500k a year you get 4 x income at least on a mortgage
How much do you want to spend on a house
It is more then enough
If you had come to me with this and I was your husband I would not think you were not someone I would want to stay married to

AMegaPint · 19/05/2022 08:49

NewandNotImproved · 19/05/2022 08:40

Aww, cute you’re showing off the musings of millionaires. 🥴

Oh Christ do be careful what you say on this post before you get branded as a bitter, lazy poor person.

Viviennemary · 19/05/2022 08:50

I agree with the poster who said pre nups are not enforceable under English law. I've heard this too. Who is in the right? Probably the person with the best lawyer and most determination in your case I'd say as you both want to protect your assets.

Dagnabit · 19/05/2022 08:51

You don’t say if the children are his or not - not been married long unless you had children first? With regards to asking for more, for me, it would depend on what he earns? If you are the high earner then he should match what you save, using his 3 mil savings. If he earns similar, then surely you should both be adding the same to the savings pot? Or get yourself some expensive hobbies. At the end of the day, it’s a nice problem to have and you won’t be on the bones of your arse if you did split.

PurassicJark · 19/05/2022 08:57

Delinathe · 19/05/2022 07:32

Rude fuckers on this thread, if you find OP's existence so distasteful just walk on; no need for unpleasant comments. You know people of this income level exist, even if you've never met one; you make yourselves look so foolish jumping on her just for asking for advice. It's undignified.

If you believe this nonsense, you'll believe anything. 😂 She's clearly lying, can't even keep straight on how many years she's been married or how old her kids are. Don't find her existence distasteful, I find lying distasteful. And funny how she hasn't been back since being called out on getting simple numbers wrong. Could it be?! She could be, I dunno, lying? No?

dworky · 19/05/2022 08:58

RoyKentsChestHair · 18/05/2022 19:38

Read the room dude. People here have actual problems. Renegotiating the division of your massive wealth is not a mumsnet problem. Speak to your financial advisor, surely you just have one with that income?

This is just nasty, OP is allowed to ask a question on here, along with anyone else.

Just because she's better off than you does not give you the right to talk down to & dismiss her.

Robinni · 19/05/2022 08:59

I don’t think it’s unreasonable, you have children now and therefore higher costs.

You need to factor these costs into a potential scenario where you split. ie if you split he has to pay half fees, childcare, school trips, and there will be expensive hobbies and university too if you are in private school circle. If you would have kids most of time you get the house he gets the 3m, could be a compromise, I would also maybe suggest that some assets go into kids name or trust now to protect them if possible. Rather than him swanning off with new potential partner and your kids seeing none of that money in the event he passes.

Grim to talk about but you are right to ensure you/kids are provided for by father and responsibility not solely on you.

ps sorry you’ve been met with some bitchiness, unnecessary MN is for everyone and your concern is valid x

ShagMeRiggins · 19/05/2022 09:12

Why do people keep harping on about the so-called discrepancy in the length of the marriage?

OP said they hadn’t been married that long but they’d been married several years.

To me, several is three (or a bit more), which isn’t necessarily a long time.

VWCV · 19/05/2022 09:13

Where is the Son who was going to RGS or John Hampden High Wycombe?

Covidwoes · 19/05/2022 09:15

@Nat6999 - spot on!

This post is peak Mumsnet. Confused

iex · 19/05/2022 09:19

@PurassicJark

Totally agree
More holes than my nans net curtains

fruitbrewhaha · 19/05/2022 09:27

It looks like you are saying you any have £200k of assets since he marriage, which I'm guessing is the uplift on his house, £3mil house now worth £3.4. You are earning huge amounts OP, and while I do understand that when more comes in, more goes out, but you could be making some significant investments for your future with your own earnings. If I were you I'd be looking to invest in property in the next year or so in the dip. We are also in a dip with many investments opportunities (it's not a crash it a sale). But as you work in finance you should be in a good position for any wealth management.

I can also understand your point that it shouldn't be entirely up to you to support/house your children in the event of divorce and no it wouldn't be. If you were to divorce a lawyer would seek for your STBEXH to contribute to a home if you had them over 50%. If however it was 50/50 then no you would need to provide and he would too.

I think your jobs have clouded your perspective. You potentially think about money too much.

orwellwasright · 19/05/2022 09:38

I wonder how many UK women with a toddler and a baby earn £500k... That is an extremely high salary, far more usually earnt by men for a start and also unlikely to be earnt by a younger woman with small children.

It's all a bit... unlikely.

Nanny0gg · 19/05/2022 09:45

dillydally24 · 18/05/2022 19:56

Thank you for views so far. I know I am tremendously fortunate and that this is a "first world problem", but I genuinely am in a muddle as to who's in the right here. I'm not interested in the legal position (I've had plenty of good advice on that). I just want views on whether I'm being unreasonable to insist on more.

Surely it's all moot if you're married.

What's his is yours and all that...?

orwellwasright · 19/05/2022 09:46

Ooh, perhaps OP is an influencer!