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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to poo at someone's house

168 replies

pinkpeoniesmakemesmile · 18/05/2022 15:00

Sooo I need to know other peoples thoughts!
I have Crohns and my main symptom is diarrhoea. The need to go to the toilet comes on without any warning and can be pretty bad..noise and smell.
I'm currently mid flare meaning I'm quite poorly with it and having other symptoms.
I've cancelled many coffees with friends at their house as I'm too afraid to go incase I have a sudden onset of diarrhoea.
I know if someone came to my house and had diarrhoea I would not give a shit (!), but I'm interested to know if IBU to thinks others would be less understanding! What's your thoughts?

OP posts:
GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 18/05/2022 18:45

Your post is exactly why I strongly disagree with the MN oft expressed view that toilet brushes are disgusting. How else can a visitor clean up without one? You might prefer to get the Marigolds out but that isn't pactical for a visitor having an emergency poo. Of course you are NBU as long as you open the window / leave fan on and clean up afterwards.

moolady1977 · 18/05/2022 18:50

When I was younger the only place I could go to the toilet was at home and my mums even if I had horrendous stomach ache . Now I'm older it's a case of if I need to go I go. Since my oldest boy was diagnosed with Crohns I'm far less bothered about someone needing to use my loo as long as if they make a mess they clean it up

Lemonyfuckit · 18/05/2022 18:53

I wouldn't care I would just be concerned about your flare up and hope as a friend you felt comfortable enough to tell me about your health condition.

IncompleteSenten · 18/05/2022 18:53

That's what toilets are for.

As someone with bowel disease I would be nothing but supportive and just really happy to spend time with my friend.

Vikinga · 18/05/2022 18:55

Crikey, it wouldn't bother me at all. That's what a toilet is for!

meowzeer · 18/05/2022 19:04

My ex had ibs he taught me a trick. Put toilet paper in first and it doesn't plop. If your worried about other noises run the tap. And like a pp said vip poo is good for getting rid of smell. No true friend would mind

waitingpatientlyforspring · 18/05/2022 19:05

My best friend never comes round for an evening here without a poo. Its a standing joke between us 😂

Electriq · 18/05/2022 19:08

Toilets are for shitting, medical condition or no medical condition, I would never be offended if you used my toilet for a shit, unless you left a mess, but I always make sure I have cleaning products and spray in both bathrooms too.

Workinghardeveryday · 18/05/2022 19:15

I have colitis so under your worry.

I feel like you going in other peoples houses.

none of my friends have bowel issues. One of my mates who btw is very ‘well to do’ will often say when visiting, ‘oh mate I need a no 2’, off in your en-suite.

I like it that she feels comfortable enough in my house to be so open about it.

any friends who would judge aren’t a friend.

kateandme · 18/05/2022 19:19

This requires an honest vulnerable convo with your friend luv.if I was your friend of erasure you and help you get round.setting up plans in place for you to feel safe and comfortable.

Furrbabymama87 · 18/05/2022 19:24

It wouldn't bother me if someone had a poo at my house. I wouldn't have a poo in someone else's house if I could help it. If prefer to wait until I got home unless I was desperate. But sounds like you don't have much choice and I wouldn't want you to feel awkward around me.

Kiwiinparis · 18/05/2022 21:03

So much sympathy for you OP! I have IBS that flares up pretty often so I 100% understand the struggles. My close friends know all about it and don’t care at all if I have a flare up while visiting and need to use the loo. We may be strange but we have very open conversations about poo habits often, it’s great to be able to talk openly and honestly about my condition with my nearest and dearest. Never feel embarrassed, although that’s easier said than done with stomach conditions. I’ve had episodes where I’ve literally shat myself when really Ill in awkward situations and my friends just laugh with me after and tell me not to stress about it or feel embarrassed at all! I think potentially the worst one was a few days after I had a colonoscopy I went to a (small!!) after work drinks, had two classes of wine and literally spent the rest of the night throwing up and shitting myself. Didn’t realise that wine and colonoscopies didn’t mix…stupidity. The couple of work mates/friends who looked after me where so supportive, non judgemental and have never bought it up again. I think people with stomach issues can catastrophize situations far more in their head whereas in real life people are so much more understanding of IBS and IBD

ElCoh · 18/05/2022 21:14

Cluelessmouse · 18/05/2022 18:43

@ElCoh nope, I already explained I wouldn’t say anything. I just have MH that causes me to feel a certain way about something.
but I am surprised at the amount of people without medical issues going about their day and suddenly being shocked they need a poo, and being completely unable to wait for any period of time at all without being in discomfort.

Who said they were shocked? Shock doesn't come in to it. If I need a poo, I need a poo. Why would you try and hold it when you can just shimmy off to your mate's toilet, plop, spray, wash hands.

Ta-dah.

Garagewonderings · 18/05/2022 22:36

One thing I do always do when people visit the house is I say "there's a downstairs loo there or the upstairs one is first on the right, personally I'd recommend the upstairs one for a more comfortable experience, but it's up to you" - so they know it's okay to go upstairs and take their time if required

SAB10 · 18/05/2022 22:45

The only time I have ever been pissed off at this is when our neighbour popped round for about 5 mins, had a hideous explosive poo (and I mean there was poo left on the seat, the wall and the floor, it was that bad! I don't even know how it's physically possible to poo on a wall ffs) then just pissed off to her own flat - literally on the next floor in our block, 30 seconds away. So rude 😆. So long as you don't act like that (and I very much doubt you do!) then it's fine. It's a toilet! That's what it's there for!

Thebeastofsleep · 18/05/2022 23:12

It's only people on Mumsnet that get funny about others pooing in their loo. No one I know in real life cares.

Yazo · 19/05/2022 00:23

Wouldn't bother me, chrons or not and wouldn't even expect air freshener. I can't imagine thinking "my friend is so great but I can't be friends because their poo smells" glass houses and all that. Personally I really hate how weird women are about pooing, so we should all be less embarrassed to have a poo if we need one.

Stomacharmeleon · 19/05/2022 16:13

@MumofCrohnie I totally get the 'give it half an hour'
I have a bag which inevitably I need to empty but it can be 10-20 times a day. I also have accidents. The smell of crohns is like nothing else. I have some specialist spray given by the stoma nurses but it lasts forever. Your daughter has my utmost sympathy and am sending a big hug. It gets better as you get more thigh skinned.
Crohn's is horrible....I have had 24 ops on bowel and have it from my throat to my barbie bottom (I call it that's as it's just for show) :)

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