AIBU to poo at someone's house

[pinkpeoniesmakemesmile]

Sooo I need to know other peoples thoughts!
I have Crohns and my main symptom is diarrhoea. The need to go to the toilet comes on without any warning and can be pretty bad..noise and smell.
I'm currently mid flare meaning I'm quite poorly with it and having other symptoms.
I've cancelled many coffees with friends at their house as I'm too afraid to go incase I have a sudden onset of diarrhoea.
I know if someone came to my house and had diarrhoea I would not give a shit (!), but I'm interested to know if IBU to thinks others would be less understanding! What's your thoughts?

I remembered a bit from a romance novel I read as a teen - Southern Debutantes in Savannah having books of matches tucked in their bra strap so if they made any smells they could get rid of them. Because Debutantes Don't Have Bodily Functions or some such guff.

I was so embarrassed about making any smells when I was having bowel problems that I took matches with me whenever I went out.

But other than my own self-consciousness, no, OP, of course I wouldn't mind you using my toilet when you needed to. What friend could mind that?

I go in any toilet. I have IBS and when I need to go, I need to go. There is no waiting. There would be an accident if I tried to hold it in.

Same. Poo away!

Lighting a match in the loo is a much better way to instantly dispense with odours - I don’t like to use spray air fresheners. We always kept a (decorative) box of matches is our bathrooms.

My friends/family poo in our toilet. That is what it is for

Family often discuss, size, smell and consistency. If unsure if we need one, we go for a 'try' just in case

😜

I too have a friend with Chohns. If they need to use the toilet they use the toilet. I literally don’t even give it a second thought.

Sometimes you have to go, if you need to poo then do so. I always leave loads of loo roll out, and air freshener. I try not to poo at other people’s houses but it’s not always avoidable.

I’d totally freak out if I smelled burning ANYWHERE in my house unexpectedly. But poo in the loo whenever you want.

This is Mumsnet, where some women apparently ban their own husbands from pooing in certain toilets in the house. In the real world, though, toilets are for pooing and nobody cares.

I massively sympathise as I have IBS too, which isn’t even that severe but I have a disproportionate amount of anxiety around it that can make my life absolute hell when it’s at its worst. I had a panic attack last year when I went to a friend’s house for a dinner party, at a time when my anxiety was particularly terrible anyway. When I went to the loo she casually said ’oh the flush doesn’t work sometimes, if it’s playing up just leave it and I’ll sort it!’ I didn’t even need a poo at the time but I spent the rest of the evening in a massive state of panic worrying about what would happen if I needed to, and eventually just had to grab my husband and whisper that I needed to leave because I was spiralling so badly.

It’s awful because it’s not a particularly nice thing to talk about, so when I’m trying to explain to people what my anxiety stems from, I can’t exactly say ‘basically I’m constantly terrified I’ll shit myself’ 😭

as long as its cleaned up after and the window opened a wee bit or the air freshner sprayed it wouldnt bother me , i wouldnt want someone visiting me to be practically about to shit themselves and have to rush off because they were worried what i thought about them using my loo !

It wouldn't bother me at all. Poor thing!

What's wrong with pooing at a friends house? So long as you do it in the lavatory.

If they are civilised they will have a loo brush; and paper. So you can easily clean up after yourself; and open a window.

On a side note: how the hell does anyone police what goes on in their toilet?

A woman I work with only allows her family to shit in the upstairs bathroom, and doesn’t like non-family doing anything other than a wee. Is she outside the door listening? What sanctions does she impose if the rule is broken? So many questions…

The general consensus seemed to be you should wrap it in loo roll and put in your bag/pocket to dispose of once you had left their house :/

Going slightly off topic.. haven't watched "Four in a bed" for years but it always annoyed me when you'd have an owner who said they didn't believe in loo brushes and didn't have them in their B&B loos and guests should come and get them if their toilets needed cleaning during the day.
No thanks bloody weirdo just leave a brush.

It’s awful because it’s not a particularly nice thing to talk about, so when I’m trying to explain to people what my anxiety stems from, I can’t exactly say ‘basically I’m constantly terrified I’ll shit myself

No need for the drama. Just say " I may need to use the loo because I have IBS"
Most people have heard of IBS; but if they haven't and ask you "what's that? " you just say " It's a gut thing". No need for details, or anxiety.

Can I just mention to those friends saying they would be worrying if the OP were ok, offering wet wipes etc....my dd has Crohn's. She would hate that. We know why she gets diarrhea. The thing she needs most of all is people being discreet, matter of fact and sensitive. "Sure you can use the loo. The upstairs one is more private. 3rd door on the left. Shout if you need anything"....then stay away!!

The smell of Crohn's poop is like nothing else, poor darling girl. A bit of air freshener won't cover it. VIpoo before use helps a bit. A toilet far away from everyone and then everyone sensitively staying away from that loo for a good 30 mins after she comes out would be best for her mental health.

How would anyone know whether you’re doing a pee or poo? I don’t go inspecting my toilet immediately after guests to try to figure out what they’ve done 🤔

Your poor dd, Mumofchrohnie. It’s so tough. I rarely go to people’s houses… or anywhere really. And I always joke that the worst absolute nightmare would be a hot air balloon trip!

The real problem is that if you need the loo at someone’s house they will naturally guide you to the cloakroom - invariably in the hall or, horrifically, right by the sitting room.

I have a very funny book by Bill Oddie called The Toilet Book about all the embarrassments that surround going at someone else’s house. Including finding no loo roll and leaning out of the window to see if there are any useable leaves on an overhanging tree…..

One of my best friends has severe IBS and she is similar - I just switch on the TV, turn the volume up (her request the first time it happened!) and leave her to it.

I mean, surely that's what toilets are for?

Wouldn’t bother me at all, that’s what a loo is for. My friend has mobility issues and got stuck on our loo last year. We had to break the door down to get in to help her. I was more upset for her than us as she was embarrassed. Didn’t bother me at all.

If they were overly bothered then they're not a real friend.

Oh don't ask Mumsnet!

Poo away OP. A nice friend won't care. We're all grown ups, and grown ups should know that sometimes people have bowel issues.

I’ve probably inadvertently upset loads of people then. I’ve never thought twice about going when I need to.

@ElCoh nope, I already explained I wouldn’t say anything. I just have MH that causes me to feel a certain way about something.
but I am surprised at the amount of people without medical issues going about their day and suddenly being shocked they need a poo, and being completely unable to wait for any period of time at all without being in discomfort.