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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to poo at someone's house

168 replies

pinkpeoniesmakemesmile · 18/05/2022 15:00

Sooo I need to know other peoples thoughts!
I have Crohns and my main symptom is diarrhoea. The need to go to the toilet comes on without any warning and can be pretty bad..noise and smell.
I'm currently mid flare meaning I'm quite poorly with it and having other symptoms.
I've cancelled many coffees with friends at their house as I'm too afraid to go incase I have a sudden onset of diarrhoea.
I know if someone came to my house and had diarrhoea I would not give a shit (!), but I'm interested to know if IBU to thinks others would be less understanding! What's your thoughts?

OP posts:
Jenasaurus · 18/05/2022 16:40

I have a similar condition, although not Crohns, but since having my gall bladder removed 20 years ago I basically have to go up to 12 times a day and it sometimes smells and sounds really bad.

If you came to mine, I would be fine with it and sympathise but I did have a situation where I went to the loo at a friends house and their DH made a comment about opening windows and using Air freshener next time, this was in front of a lot of people at a party (I did look for air freshener but couldn't find one) I was mortified and now wont go to that persons house. I guess it was worse as the party was a house warming party and they probably didn't want anyone to stain the new loo so I completely understand how you are feeling awkward about this.

WifeMotherWorkRepeat · 18/05/2022 16:40

I sympathise with anyone who has a debilitating health condition and absolutely wouldn’t judge anyone needing a number 2 while visiting my home. I think this is very taboo, especially for women who worry so much about needing the loo at work or in someone else’s house, and it really shouldn’t be an issue.

SpeckledlyHen · 18/05/2022 16:41

My husband has Crohns (now in remission) and I would never judge. It is after all a fecking toilet, it's not as if you are suggesting shitting in the kitchen sink.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 18/05/2022 16:42

It wouldn't bother me at all, it's what the toilet is for. I'd hope all my friends feel comfortable in my home to use the toilet when they need too.

dolphinsarentcommon · 18/05/2022 16:44

Would only upset me if I couldn't make you comfortable enough to do whatever you needed to in my house.

WifeMotherWorkRepeat · 18/05/2022 16:45

Jenasaurus
OMG that is absolutely awful, bless you, that is so embarrassing and so unnecessary! What a pig!!

user1471538283 · 18/05/2022 16:46

It wouldnt bother me using my loo at all. It would bother me more you being sick and not telling me and not being comfortable enough to tell me why you cannot come for coffee or your anxieties.

Going to the loo is a fact of life.

LampLighter414 · 18/05/2022 16:50

Surely drinking coffee - known for giving the shits to regular people - is a complete no when you have crohns on top?

Original poster
pinkpeoniesmakemesmile · 18/05/2022 16:50

You've all made me look at it in a different light. I never thought of how it would make my friends feels that I'm not comfortable going to their house just incase. It's not the case anyone has made me feel uncomfortable, just my anxiety!
I really do appreciate your comments ❤️💩❤️ Pooing really shouldn't be a taboo subject like it is!

OP posts:
Greensleeves · 18/05/2022 16:50

I'm another with serious issues around poo and bad smells (I avoid the park in summer so I don't have to walk past the dog bins, get really upset if I tread in a dog poo etc)

That is MY problem, though. No-one else's. If a friend is visiting me, and they need to use the loo, then they need to use the loo! Basic hospitality. I'd be horrified if a friend felt they couldn't make themselves at home to the extent of going for a poo, and even more so if the friend had a bowel complaint (I have IBS myself and it can be really miserable).

Sorry that's rambly, but TLDR: yes, some of us have daft sensitivities around poo and smells, but we're adults, and if we're hosting friends, hospitality and being welcoming comes first!

bridgetreilly · 18/05/2022 16:51

I would much rather you came and used my toilet freely, than that you didn’t come! And I would be super-judgy of anyone who didn’t feel the same way.

Original poster
pinkpeoniesmakemesmile · 18/05/2022 16:51

LampLighter414 · 18/05/2022 16:50

Surely drinking coffee - known for giving the shits to regular people - is a complete no when you have crohns on top?

Like I said above.. I don't drink coffee...but it reads better than a " going round to
a friends for a glass of water...! "

OP posts:
Want2beme · 18/05/2022 16:53

SpeckledlyHen · 18/05/2022 16:41

My husband has Crohns (now in remission) and I would never judge. It is after all a fecking toilet, it's not as if you are suggesting shitting in the kitchen sink.

So true. I struggle to understand why people can be so precious about their bloody toilets. We're all human and needs must!

Calliopes7song · 18/05/2022 16:54

I'd be more concerned for you and actually more relaxed with you as a friend if you came to my house and just did that.

I used to have IBS symptoms.... for years. For me it turned out to be an autoimmune disorder...pernicious anemia and is easily treated but for some reason takes drs forever to figure out. So I feel your pain.

May sound weird but I can be very uptight about that stuff for myself, but I like a friend who is open and honest about their problems because then I wouldn't have to be embarrassed if I'd have some kind of issue one day.

Does that make sense?

Any real friend would understand.

Mariposista · 18/05/2022 16:56

Jenasaurus · 18/05/2022 16:40

I have a similar condition, although not Crohns, but since having my gall bladder removed 20 years ago I basically have to go up to 12 times a day and it sometimes smells and sounds really bad.

If you came to mine, I would be fine with it and sympathise but I did have a situation where I went to the loo at a friends house and their DH made a comment about opening windows and using Air freshener next time, this was in front of a lot of people at a party (I did look for air freshener but couldn't find one) I was mortified and now wont go to that persons house. I guess it was worse as the party was a house warming party and they probably didn't want anyone to stain the new loo so I completely understand how you are feeling awkward about this.

What an absolute dick! SO so sorry you had to put up with such ignorance!
Isn't that what toilets are for. FWIW OP, I wouldn't care. You have a condition which makes you need to go, just like a hay fever sufferer needs to blow their nose more often. I'm guessing you do your best to clean up (unlike most non chrones sufferers who leave skid marks or don't flush), so I'd have no problem with you using my loo. If it left a smell, I'd open the window, but I'd be totally sympathetic and would hate this to impede you going out.

Stomacharmeleon · 18/05/2022 16:57

The joys of having a colostomy bag and Crohn's :) although associated noises can still be made.....

TollgateDebs · 18/05/2022 16:59

Three friends with the condition and not a problem.

housemaus · 18/05/2022 17:07

I wouldn't care at all OP! Our house has a shit - excuse the pun - layout and the only toilet is off the back of the main living area, so I would probably be more likely to apologise for it being awkward and offer to stick some loud music on for them Grin

housemaus · 18/05/2022 17:09

LampLighter414 · 18/05/2022 16:50

Surely drinking coffee - known for giving the shits to regular people - is a complete no when you have crohns on top?

Even if OP hadn't already said she didn't drink coffee, would we not assume that the person who's had a chronic illness for 22 years knows what their body can and can't handle, and that we should keep our beaks out and our snippy comments to ourselves? 😊

FluffyRabbitGal · 18/05/2022 17:14

Assuming you were doing it in the loo- I wouldn’t give two hoots. One of my friends has ulcerative colitis and when she has flair ups, she uses our upstairs bathroom toilet as it’s used less in the day. However that’s because she worries- I personally would much prefer her to do what makes her comfortable and happy.

WDTABNONONO · 18/05/2022 17:32

I'd have no issue.

Bring some spray to mask smell in handbag / wet wipes to clean any splatter but otherwise crack on.

💐

MadameMinimes · 18/05/2022 17:36

I have a Japanese bidet toilet with heated seat, drier and several wash functions. I positively encourage visitors to treat themselves to a bum wash. Grin

I agree with most others here. Toilets are for pooing in and I find people who are bothered by it weird. As long as people clean up after themselves it’s not a problem.

cottagegardenflower · 18/05/2022 17:38

Ensure you clean up the spatters that occur with diarrhoea, and spray around, but no I would not mind

SpeedofaSloth · 18/05/2022 17:41

Of course you would not be unreasonable, OP Flowers
DS worries about this (IBS), I tell him the same.

WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor · 18/05/2022 17:43

I have a friend with Crohns and one with IBS. I would hate it if this kind of thing worried them. Luckily my friends are bold as brass and poo is often a topic of conversation.