To ask why cheating is so wrong?

[Tandora]

Inspired by another thread, where people are emphatically insisting that no one should need an explanation for why cheating is so wrong.

AIBU to ask for one?

I mean I get that it’s horrible when someone does something behind your back; so the lying aspect of it- I see how that is wrong. But it’s more than that isn’t it? like it’s not just any old lie.. after all people tell lies all the time (including in relationships), yet it seems that cheating is considered almost the worst thing that you can do to someone. But why?

I get that if you’ve committed your life to someone , it’s a betrayal if they suddenly abandon ship for someone else, but why do people get so beyond upset about casual flings, where there’s no intention to leave? Or is it because they are afraid a fling might lead to abandonment?

It seems quite strange to me to be so wound up about what someone else does with their body, and to feel so entitled to control that…

Sooo… can someone explain it to me? I don’t really get the concept. Genuinely..

<Puts on hard hat and ducks for cover 😅>

Somerset Maugham wrote something similar in The Painted Veil:

“When death stood round the corner, taking lives like a gardener digging up potatoes, it was foolishness to care what dirty things this person or that did with his body.”

I sort of agree. It seems faintly absurd to me to mind so much about what someone does with their body.

Yes I kind of agree.

It's not only about what the other person is doing with their body, it's mostly about what happens to yours as a result! Did you not read any of the previous posts about exposure to std and the emotional and mental trauma that is inflicted upon people who have had all their trust destroyed?

Yes I did. And that has had an impact and I do understand that. And I assume safe sex is practised which I know is not always the case.

Lots of people don't have safe sex though. And if you have a husband who has already lied to you, you couldn't take their word for it. So that means having to get checked out at the std clinic. It's just horrible and sleazy all round.

I found this in an old link, and don't know if the ethically non-monogamous perspective has been added. I've been ENM with my husband for a while, and although we're open, cheating/having an affair is very different to just being non-monogamous. Cheating can still happen if someone is deceitful, and if you have permission it's probably worse as why would you lie? I was monogamous for so long but now realise that it didn't make sense to me, and I much prefer our life now. OP perhaps you have the same thoughts as I did? I don't have a problem with my husband or other partners sleeping with someone else, as I don't own them, but I do want them to be honest. We always found it exciting if our partner attracted someone though, and we talked about our crushes together. But I stuck with monogamy for so long as I felt that was what is expected.

It's disloyal..

I can see how STIs are a concern, but then there are lots of ways to practice safe sex.

Sorry I don't know if it's been mentioned as I haven't read the whole thread, but there is no way to practice 100% safe sex. This is why condoms come with pregnancy statistic warnings.
STDs such as herpes and genital warts and cancer causing HPV are not protected by condoms because they are not contained in fluid but in the skin.

Because it's a betrayal of promises you made to one another and it's a breaking of trust you relied upon. It's the dismantling of the foundation of the life you built, without any warning and just so the other person could get some cheap thrills. It's the utter crap of someone deciding it's far preferable to fuck someone else than work on your marriage and preserve the life and fidelity you promised your spouse.