To ask working parents how much do you see your kids each day?

[Kikimush]

Just curious. DH goes off to work at 830am every morning, then I drop the kids to school at 9. Childminder collects them and looks after them til 6pm and then once dh is home at 630pm it's time for dinner, quick bit of reading and bed at 8/830pm. Sometimes I'll also have something urgent hanging over from work that will need to be dealt with in this time.

I know lots of people are in the same/worse boat and I'm not looking for sympathy but just wondering how common this is? We do tend to make the most of family time at the weekend but it still never seems like enough. There are so many things I want to do with the kids that I never get around to :(

@Andromachehadabadday

Very much (was once) a SAHM. What I said not that it’s relevant on this post was never that SAHM didn’t contribute, we do contribute more to children than anyone else( which some can’t handle) - I said who ever was ditching their spouse for silly reasons should get a little less. Meaning if as a SAHM your husband runs off with his affair or wants to get a new wife etc - you will get more and he will have to leave. Or if they just want to divorce and kick you out that won’t happen.

There is zero anti woman about that. But some on Mumsnet always use that as an attempt to dismiss those with opinion they don’t like. Guess they’ve got little else.

@girlmom21

My husband is retired and is hardly going to blow up his entire life at this point in it by leaving me. Fat chance of that.

No you didn’t you banged on about how women, if filing for divorce are the one ultimately the one to end the marriage and at fault and that fault should impact the financial settlement.

Despite not understanding that often women file for divorce due to the husbands poor behaviour. You claimed that women starting divorce proceedings was proof that women just ditch their husbands when they feel like it. You even claimed MN was ‘full’ of women going off their husbands because of menopause.

You absolutely did say all that. It is anti women and entirely relevant. Because it transpires that you believe that I’d a woman has a child she should become financially dependent on the other parent and be disadvantaged in the divorce. So long term damage to their career, shit on during a divorce and, despite taking most responsibility for the kids, ensure the father gets 50:50, even when it’s not in the best interests for the children.

and again you wouldn’t answer, why men don’t reduce their hours and genuinely pick up 50% of the childcare to support their wives career. Just like you won’t answer here either.

Yep.

How sad that someone gets their kicks from trying to make women feel like shit.

I might work full time and use childcare but at least I'm a nice person!

"Building memories" is rubbish, I can barely remember anything from primary school.

Depends whether you're as horrible to him as you are to strangers in the internet...., I'd be utterly ashamed if my partner thought it was acceptable to to go onto an anonymous forum and actively troll women.

Oh and as for little else, you were asked several times to link the studies and proof you had on any of your theories and didn’t. Because you couldn’t.

Just like your claims here.

That’s really sad. I see what the issue now. You are married to a man who is with you as to not fuck his life up.

i don’t think it would fuck up his life, too much. Because obviously you would make sure he got more than half of everything. Since you were a sahm for a period. So it’s actually you that would be worse off.

What a lovely way to live...

@Andromachehadabadday

Im not getting into a fight about another thread that’s over. If you’ve got a bee in your bonnet over it that is your problem. Although a portion of your post was unintelligible and all of it was irrelevant to this topic, I will answer your question as far as I can - what you don’t seem to understand is that many people don’t want to split career and childcare 50:50, so they don’t, just because you want that and think other people should doesn’t make it so. People have different wants and abilities, opposites attract and one person who is career focused can end up with someone who is family focused often, because those two things are complimentary - the unusual thing is what your suggesting and that is that both spouses have the exact same inclination to both being a SAHP and furthering a career, or the equal ability at both.

So it’s really not strange at all that couples aren’t all going in on 50:50 child time and 50:50 career time. I’m not trying to upset you genuinely, but I don’t see why that is a problem.

but did you have time with your parents and build memories?
My overriding memory of childhood was being poor. And my mum being depressed because we were poor.

My child's childhood is infinitely better than mine.

@girlmom21

It was a joke (kinda). Geez people need to lighten up on here. But the point is why would my husband who loves me leave his easy to live with wife of 40 years at the age of 71 - after everything we have built together (grandchildren, memories, planned holidays)?

@Andromachehadabadday

Actually he would get less than half if he left me, that was the point.

But regardless I would still be a millionaire!😀

but did you have time with your parents and build memories

Yes and they both worked.

Course you would. 🙄

So women who are sahm should get less than half, only applies when it’s not you. Ok then.

and you are a millionaire but think you can talk on other people and being materialistic.

You don’t need millions. You choose to keep it. And if you were stingy with your kids, shame on you.

but did you have time with your parents and build memories

I was at home with my mum until I started primary school, and I can’t remember any of it. I’m sure it was lovely, but I was 0-4, of course I wasn’t “building memories”.

I do get up 6.30 and out of the house to childminder by 7.30. I pick him up for 4.30 and he’s in bed by 8

I drop my 2 oldest at school at 8:45 and start work at 9, I am lucky to work from home so can spend lunch and breaks with my baby. My dad picks the kids up and drops them home and I finish at 4 pm, done for the day.
My other half picks his hours per week so he works around me so baby doesn't have to go to nursery.

I genuinely don’t understand why you have children if you have to put them in childcare and or school for 12 hours a day 5 days a week. In the UK you have a choice and free contraception. I would not have had children if that was the case for me and h. My sister and her partner like children but choose against it for this reason.

I couldn’t get this balance right so I gave up
work

i have the utmost respect for people who jabs to carry on working

Same OP BUT it was a lot worse pre pandemic, used to drop them
at nursery still half asleep at 730am, and pick them up at 630pm (they’d fall asleep in car on way home and I’d tuck them into bed).

now we have breakfast together, take them to school and often they are home 330/4ish. And a little older now so stay up until 8ish. I’m fortunate that my work has kept the working from home thing so allows the flexibility for 330 pick ups. I’ll be forever grateful for this, on reflection I’ve no idea how or if the pre pandemic schedule was at all sustainable.

I drop DS 18 months at nursery at 7.15 and pick him up at 5.45, five days a week. I hate it but it is what it is.

What kind of things do you want to do with your child that you aren't doing?

I wfh so see the kids all the time. But not necessarily "doing" things all the time with them

My partner works away all week and always has done. He sees our child at weekends and that’s how it’s always been.

to afford the life we lead he has to work away. He and our child get on really well and have a great relationship and are very close.
He as a child went to boarding school full time, he didn’t want our child to go to boarding school. I was a SAHM and full time parent to our child.

I only work 3 days so then have the little one the other 2 days and do school run for the older one. Days I work sort them out in the morning so til about 8, and then from 6 if in the office or 5 if wfh. Other half doesn't see them at all in the mornings as starts early but finishes at 3 so he has plenty of time with them in afternoons.