To ask working parents how much do you see your kids each day?

[Kikimush]

Just curious. DH goes off to work at 830am every morning, then I drop the kids to school at 9. Childminder collects them and looks after them til 6pm and then once dh is home at 630pm it's time for dinner, quick bit of reading and bed at 8/830pm. Sometimes I'll also have something urgent hanging over from work that will need to be dealt with in this time.

I know lots of people are in the same/worse boat and I'm not looking for sympathy but just wondering how common this is? We do tend to make the most of family time at the weekend but it still never seems like enough. There are so many things I want to do with the kids that I never get around to :(

raised by strangers

😂

Busting out all the classics I see

your kids won’t be be raised by strangers all the working days

As far I understood the thread we are discussing childcare? Not putting children up for adoption.

But hey don't let that get in the way of your hyperbole.

It's so dreary isn't it.

I wish the trolls could at least get some new material.

Yesterday was an office day so left the house at 6:30am and returned 6:30pm - saw DD 4 for approximately 30 minutes :( And yet we must all be super keen and eager to return to the City.

I hope their husbands don't leave them then - or you'll see what we're all talking about.

My children aren't being raised by strangers. They're going to a nursery with staff they love and friends they love. They have happy lives. If I thought my working was detrimental to their lifestyles we'd both reduce our hours. I wouldn't sacrifice my career because it's a silly idea.

If my DP got made redundant or was on long term sick we'd rely on the money I earn. It's scary to not have any kind of fallback.

IMO anyway. I'm not berating SAHP's, I just think they should plan things very carefully before they make that choice.

This completely depends on the job you do. Not all employees can do this I’m afraid.

I work full time but from home and kids are in school. I see them when they get in around 330-4 and until bedtime if I wanted to.

They've left for school by the time I wake up in the morning.

@Mymysmum ALL employees should be able to stop working when their hours finished, and if you can't, then you should be getting adequate remuneration for overtime and management should be alerted as clearly you have too much work and not enough capacity.

Unless you're on call or something I suppose.

Unfortunately that's not how it works in many,many jobs.

However, while I will work more than my contracted 37 hours (no such thing as overtime payments) I do have a significant amount of flexibility which is worth more in my opinion.

I probably see my youngest for 2-3 hours a day but I spend my non-working day with her every week (I work a 4 day week). My work is demanding so I do miss bedtimes sometimes but my husband is at home with the girls so I don’t feel guilty. I get paid well and I’m the main earner so it works for us.

A lot of jobs don’t work like this I’m afraid. The trade off is usually generous pay, benefits and/or flexibility.

I have two boys, aged 7 & 3. I get up with them at around 7am, we do the morning routine, cuddles and watching Postman Pat with the little one for a bit. Then I take younger one to his nursery at 8.45am & DH runs older one to school.

I then either head into office which is only 10 min drive or I work from home; my employer is very flexible so I’m lucky in that regard. Over the years I have had the opportunity to go for promotion (more travel, longer hrs etc) but for me personally I’d rather stay local in a job that gives me more in other ways.

DH picks older one up at 3.20 & brings him home. He’s usually quite happy to chill out for a bit, play with his Lego/watch some tele whilst we’re working. Then I pick little one up at 4pm & cook their dinners for 5pm. Mondays I have off with the little one, so I work a four day week.

I wouldn’t change it for the world. I know I could get a higher paying job, work longer hours, commute further etc but for me the trade-off would be too great. I’d miss them. I think to myself that I chose to have them, and I’m only going to borrow them for a short time. In the not too distant future they’ll be big, & leading their own lives which is what I want for them. But these little years go in a flash. The days are long but the years are short so they are

I work PT my DH works FT. My DH works from 10am until 10pm and has Monday, Tuesday off. Our general day is I get up at 7am wake everyone up at 7.30, kids eat breakfast while I sort out pack lunches/snack pots, get dressed etc I am the only driver so DC to school for 9am, then my DH to work for 10am (except Monday/Tuesday). Pick the DC up at 3pm, take them home tea, bed etc, except on Monday when I go to work at 6pm until 10pm, Wednesday is my DD's swimming at 4.30 and Thursday I take my DD to Brownies. Then my DS has his swimming on Saturday morning, the DC then go to my DM overnight while we both work Saturday.

Yepp! About the same, sometimes less often. Work full time and ds is 1.5. I leave for work at 6:30, usually he is asleep. Dh takes him to childminder at 7:30am. He comes home at 7/7:30pm as dh picks him up on his way home from work. I get home just before at 6:30pm. However dh has to pick him up as with traffic i have been delayed to 7:00/7:30. See him about an hour and then bedtime. I work shifts so if I am on nights dont see him for 3/4 days at a time as I leave at 6pm before he gets home and I get home at around 10am. Sleep and then its its time to go back to work. We spend any days off or weekends together. But honestly I am exhausted on weekends prepping food and cleaning as no one has really done anything during the week. I Also feel extra pressure to entertain him on weekends so we do a lot of activities we probably wouldnt do if I was around more often.

@ChoiceMummy my mum was at home and all the 'memories' i have include:

• wondering why i was being taken home from nursery to eat to be taken back for a nap i did not want or need - which led me to be bullied by the other kids calling me spoilt
• having a mother stuck in a unhappy marriage 'for the kids' totally dependent on a narcisist father
• thinking she was useless and making sure i got a job and will never be in her position

I think that covers it...

my kids are happy, and go to wraparound care and want to go to school to learn stuff as they like stuff (actual quote)

I really relate to your post @Kikimush.

I have a long commute and generally leave before my little ones are awake, so I don’t see them until I’m back home at 6pm and get an hour with them before bed around 7pm. I do work 4 days a week but I work most evenings once the kids are asleep until bed so I know how much I should treasure a day with them but I’m usually so exhausted and absolutely everything in the house needs sorting (washing, hoovering etc) so I end up feeing quite beaten that I don’t have chance to carry out all the activities/crafts I save down when I see I inspiration online.

I’d love to take a step back and change jobs (at least whilst they are small) as I genuinely think I’d be happier with less financially but more time raising my children, but I feel like it wouldn’t be fair for me to change our families means for my own happiness. It is really hard to find that balance.

I used to drop DS off at 9, head to work and pick him up at 6. That didn't leave much time for playing, dinner, bath, reading and bed. As soon as I knew DD was due, I decided not to work FT until the DC were old enough to not need me so much. Spent 4 years at home and now work PT. I hate the financial drop but I'm making the most of the time I get to spend with them

we will all rationalise things that we actually have little choice over.

Some of us have a greater selection of careers, some dont
I know public sector people think they get paid less- but they have unions and gold plated pensions, and raises that go across the board for inflation, regardless of profit or performance. They also have great protection of hours , flexible working. Academics fall into this category. Private industry isn't the

Another huge factor is local family support. It varies so much
I used to work full time, and I did reset my child being raised by strangers. Strangers who loved my kids, But strangers who had stressful jobs, and personal lives, and could move jobs at any time.

I realise the 12 hours childcare was an exaggeration, but ten is not. 8-6 is normal childcare for most families, and we have used it. With transport to and from nursery, that makes for an 11 hour day. However, adjustments can be made ( child napping at nursery for longer) to allow parents to eke out an extra hour for their time together. Ultimately- we all do what we can to survive. Some of us have the choice to work all day and have family / co-parents to invest in the child when we cannot,,, and some of us don't.

Some of us need work to survive mentally or financially
Some of us dont

I personally think children benefit from having someone who isn't paid to care for them to be invested in them. And a bit of paid childcare to lighten things up. Children dont need to be the apple of their parents eyes 24 x7. But that's me

For the OP- you knew this is a can of worms. But I would ask why you raised this? If you can work flexibly, are you willing to make financial sacrifices and personal ones to be there for your children,? Will your partner do the same? Does that affect you? If you're unhappy now, then change things- but there's no correct answer.

Plenty women happily pay their nanny all week and then offload to family all weekend - but they might have a wonderful afternoon a week that is sacrosanct ... who am I to judge? Plenty of fathers have been mostly absent but still adored and influential. We needn't fight

We see the kids pretty much all day, every day. We run our own business from home and the kids are home educated. They're now nearly 14 and 16 but we've been doing this since they were 7 and 9. I used to be an academic and they went out to school and mornings seemed to be filled with racing round shouting 'shoes, bag, shoes, shoes!!', Breakfast club and after-school clubs meant the kids were out from 8.15 to 6pm - it was constant rushing around and hardly seeing each other - so we decided to change our lives. Obviously it wasn't as simple as that sentence makes it sound but we decided that we would prefer to be richer in time and experiences than in money and so we made some changes.

It might not just be your own happiness, but the kids. And therefore the whole family. The person who has the most to loose is actually you, by taking a step back, career wise. But you may feel that the benefit to your family time makes it worthwhile. Good luck

If I am working away then on face time for about 15min in the morning and again in the evening. I get updates in the day of photos and they are told mummy is getting them and I respond when I can to praise stuff.

If I am not working away (more of the time I am home), if it is a wfh day I will see my child until about 945/10 and pick them up.about 615. My child is like me - doesnt need much sleep - so we spend about 2 hours with eachother before bed (toddler). If I have to go to location for work there is less time in the mornings.

If I am wfh and have less on in the day than usual I will sometimes take them to an activity or pick up early so have a bit longer.

It isnt enough but they have good attachment with me and doesnt seem traumatised by it. The time we do spend is good quality. We do more than some people I know who are at home. I guess you just have to do what seems right for your family.