To ask working parents how much do you see your kids each day?

[Kikimush]

Just curious. DH goes off to work at 830am every morning, then I drop the kids to school at 9. Childminder collects them and looks after them til 6pm and then once dh is home at 630pm it's time for dinner, quick bit of reading and bed at 8/830pm. Sometimes I'll also have something urgent hanging over from work that will need to be dealt with in this time.

I know lots of people are in the same/worse boat and I'm not looking for sympathy but just wondering how common this is? We do tend to make the most of family time at the weekend but it still never seems like enough. There are so many things I want to do with the kids that I never get around to :(

My shifts are 12+ hours long, for day shifts I'm up at 430am and often not back until 1900 or later when my ds is in bed so I eint see him at all. Afternoon shifts I can take him to school but I won't see him again, if its a weekend we have a few hours together once iv woken up before I have to leave, night shifts if its a weekend I will usually get up at mid day to spend time with him, weekdays if I finish in time I will sit and eat with him whilst he has breakfast and stay up until my partner takes him to school, I will then sleep until its time to pick him up from school and we will get an hour or 2 together depending on where I will be working that night. I only do 2 shifts in an 8 day period now which I'm glad about or I'd never see him. I prefer to do nights as I get to see ds more even though I am shattered.

Dp also does shifts ranging from 10-15 hours in length, it's a driving job so he doesn't know how long the day will be until near the end. He only does day shifts and is usually up for work at 3/4am, he is often back in time for school pick up but can't quarantee it, he does a 4 on 4 off pattern and I work around his shifts. We only get 1 day a week all together as a family and that is often a school day. Sometimes we go several weeks without both of us being home at once because we are doing overtime shifts. One of us is usually at work on Bank Holidays, I usually have to work Christmas eve, Christmas day and boxing day.

Let’s hope these people don’t want a female nurse doing their smear test, a female doctor, a female carer doing their personal care when they are older…

It's fine to expect a female nurse or carer. They're the careers set aside for women with no children. See also: hairdressers and receptionists. You're reaching a bit with doctors though; surely a woman couldn't do a man's job?!

@AperolWhore after 5 years we’re mostly used to it. We’ve tried all sorts of things but without success.

Modern living is so tough on families.
We are lucky as school/work are very close to home.
Dh works 9-5 and is able to drop the kids at school and still get to work on time.
I work 8-4, but only three days per week.
So I pick up at 4pm, dh is home by 5.30pm, and bedtime starts around 7.30pm. As a family we are all together every evening, plus I can do the school run two afternoons per week. I also work term time only so get all the holidays with the kids.
I would really find it hard if I were away from them 8-6, five days per week.

About 30 mins in the morning from 7-7.30am then from 5.30pm till bedtime at 9pm. It's very depressing as I wish it was longer. I'm the main caregiver also. Two night a week she has activities so even less on them days.

6:30-8:00 and 16:30-19:30 on a nursery day (4 days per week) for me. More like 18:30-19:30 for DH most weekdays as he usually leaves before she’s woken up. I’m ok with the amount of time I have, I’m not ok with the amount of time he has.

I work part-time and

I work part-time so on the days i am working i do not see my child from 9-5 and they are at nursery. Thursday to Sunday i do as much as i can with him.

About half an hour in the morning as I leave for work at 8. This seems important to DD(4) - she gets upset if I leave before she wakes up but is ok as long as she sees me at least briefly before I leave.

About 2 - 2.5hours in the evening for DD, and 3.5 hours for DS(7) as he doesn't go to sleep until 9pm. I also finish in time to do school pickup on Fridays so get a bit longer then.

With the older one I feel it's fine as he has his own things going on and is awake late enough that I get plenty of time to chat anyway. With the younger one it would be nice to have more time.

@HalfShrunkMoreToGo
Im suggesting that if there is any choice, that children seeing parent for a minimal time in the morning and evening isn’t a good life for children. Those that thing whatever, it doesn’t matter, or “I like my career so, so what” are those who have a bad attitude to children.

@Tamzo85 parents how work still get days off. They still spend time with their kids.

you are working on the presumption that every sahp or works part time actually engages with their children. Obviously oIts do, but their will be working parents who spend more time focused on their child that some that work less.

If you really believe that, then answer would be that men reduce their hours surely? Or do you feel it’s just easier to tell a website of, predominately, women that they should have had children.

Twins usually up at 5 - eldest up at 6. Drop off to childminder /before school club at 730. Usually home by 430 for pick up and bed time at 7-8 then I do some more work when they are asleep

@Andromachehadabadday

Yes the man could reduce his hours. But there are no men posting so Saying that would be pointless. The point is if you can make do on a little less and the child can have at least one parent around a little more I think it’s the right thing to do.

Id say that to men or women. If it was a couple together who wanted the careers and lifestyle I would take them as a couple and say “you need to spend more time with your children”.

@Andromachehadabadday

The under 5’s need Mummy though. It’s not the same and it’s not fair imo to send them off for long days just to further a career or afford the London lifestyle - if it’s not neccassary. Hence my comments on “if the husband works”.

My view and that of millions if not billions of others.

Definitely not billions. It's archaic.

If under 5s needed their parents 24/7 there'd be more in place to support parents to be able to facilitate that.

As it is, you'll see a very big difference between a child who starts school and has spent 5 years at home and a child who starts school after 5 years of having plenty of interaction with other children.

Sounds pretty normal for working parents. I was the same, I used to pick the kids up from nursery - then after school club for 5.30/6 and by the time I’d cooked dinner for everyone it was bath and bed. I did work 3 days for a few years, which was nice, as I could then pick the kids up directly from school. They are 14 & 18 now, and I see more of them now in the evenings as I work in the office 2-3 days but I’m collecting my daughter from school during a late lunch at the moment as he’s got low iron and then logging back on for a few hours.

For about 7 years work seemed to be a priority. I stopped at 6 pm
but wasn’t ‘present’ as I was still thinking about work and got calls etc. I then became ill and now do all drop offs and pick ups and am with them from 3.30. I regret my focus on work before

@girlmom21

Billions. Most of The world doesn’t share the same views as the UK. And there is nothing archaic about thinking children should see at least one parent for more than a few hours a day. It’s normal. It always will be.

There are things in place to support two parent families so that they can see their under 5’s. they’re things like not taking that second holiday or getting a less expensive house or car. Moving out of London. Not being focused on progressing in career.

What you mean is there is nothing in place so that parents who have children can have the exact same perks and careers as those people who do not. The reason nothing like that is in place is because it’s impressively and illogical to expect the government to provide for you.

The under 5’s need Mummy though. It’s not the same and it’s not fair imo to send them off for long days just to further a career or afford the London lifestyle - if it’s not neccassary. Hence my comments on “if the husband works”. My view and that of millions if not billions of others.

What evidence do you have for this? Because it sounds like sexist rubbish to me.

This is the kind of archaic view that has held women back for centuries. No wonder there's still a gender pay gap. It is not damaging for a child to have a strong female role model, whether that's in the home or in a career. My mum went back to work when I was 4 months old (she was an engineer). She's such an incredible woman and has always been my idol. I teach in the independent sector where most kids are only there because both parents have always worked. These kids are not 'damaged'.

@brookstar

You do think it’s fair to send them for long days in care day after day so you can afford your particular chosen lifestyle or career? Children are more than just accessories to slot in around your life where possible.

You do think it’s fair to send them for long days in care day after day so you can afford your particular chosen lifestyle or career?

Yes. You've not answered my question though. Where is the evidence that under 5's need mummy at home? (spoiler alert: as an academic in an education faculty I can tell you there is none)

Mine have never done particularly long days I'm childcare due to the flexible nature of both mine and my husbands jobs. However, we did use nursery full time and we use wraparound care 3 days a week currently.

For many parents it's not about affording a particular lifestyle, it's about surviving financially. Poverty does have a detrimental impact on children's outcomes. That is is supported by evidence.

However, a woman wanting a career is not a bad thing. You might have chosen not to have a career or use childcare and that is your choice. Other families make other choices and it's pretty low tell women who have made a different choice to you that they shouldn't have had children. It's a disgusting thing to say.

I work condensed hours 3 days so turn my computer on at 7.30 and work till 5.45/6. However, I do morning drop off and get from 6.30-8am with DD, then from wren DH picks up. If he's home early he picks her up early so we can have more time. Weekends are usually family time so 80% of the time we don't book stuff in unless it's special events etc. See friends/exercise on an evening after bedtime instead.

It's all still a mad rush though M-Th. I get Fridays off with DD.

I realise we are very lucky though as my parents do childcare half the week.

End of the day, most parents of young children have to work now and aslong as the time spent together is quality and loving that's the important thing.

@Tamzo85 I am absolutely happy with the decision I made to continue my career.

My daughter went to a lovely nursery staffed by qualified childcare professionals. She spent every day playing and learning with other children. She is now 7yo and is well adjusted, happy, bright, loved and loving.

I have a well paying job and am able to save a decent amount each month so that her university costs or house deposit will be sorted when the time comes, I'm also saving well into my pension and other investments so that she won't be lumbered with paying and caring for me in my old age.