To ask working parents how much do you see your kids each day?

[Kikimush]

Just curious. DH goes off to work at 830am every morning, then I drop the kids to school at 9. Childminder collects them and looks after them til 6pm and then once dh is home at 630pm it's time for dinner, quick bit of reading and bed at 8/830pm. Sometimes I'll also have something urgent hanging over from work that will need to be dealt with in this time.

I know lots of people are in the same/worse boat and I'm not looking for sympathy but just wondering how common this is? We do tend to make the most of family time at the weekend but it still never seems like enough. There are so many things I want to do with the kids that I never get around to :(

Lol. When your kid needs to be rushed to ED or admitted to PICU, you’ll be very glad indeed that there are women who bother to establish careers. Hospitals are dependent on women with children who don’t work 9-2 term time only.

The same will be true of many other services you’re happy to use.

There are things in place to support two parent families so that they can see their under 5’s. they’re things like not taking that second holiday or getting a less expensive house or car. Moving out of London. Not being focused on progressing in career.

You're looking at this from a very fortunate position.

For lots of families two parents working is a need, not a want. For lots of families, it means they're just managing to get by - especially with the increased living costs.

Two parents working minimum wage jobs isn't meaning they're getting two holidays a year or anything else.

It strikes me that someone who was happy with the choices they had made in life wouldn't be getting their kicks out of telling women on the internet they shouldn't have had children.

I'm comfortable with the choices we have made as a family but I'm self aware enough to know that my choices wouldn't work for everyone.

We're all just trying our best.

You're looking at this from a very fortunate position. For lots of families two parents working is a need, not a want. For lots of families, it means they're just managing to get by - especially with the increased living costs. Two parents working minimum wage jobs isn't meaning they're getting two holidays a year or anything else.

Exactly.
The suggestion that women are working for luxuries is incredibly sexist. Nobody ever tells men they should cut back on the holidays because apparently they're working to provide for their family so that's okay.

The reality is that both men are women are working for the same reasons.

@brookstar

Dont kid yourself I’m very happy, that’s just wishful thinking used by people who can’t handle disagreement. I just honestly think it’s wrong to leave children in care all working day every working day when there’s any other choice (even if that choice means having a less impressive career or moving out the city).

Just my opinion, but one shared by billions.

DD is two. I see her for about 3 hours in the morning when we get up have breakfast etc and then she goes to nursery (she's an early riser!) and then she gets picked up at 5pm and I see her until bedtime at 7.30pm. That's four days a week - rest of the time I'm with her all day.

Give over. I have seen you in several threads that keep claiming facts and studies. With no back up. I assume you have non here either.

Billions of other believe women under 5 shouldn’t work? Again, what proof do you have of that?

and why 5? Is it coincidence that that is when full time school become mandatory? Or do you think that’s why kids start school then? Despite other countries starting at different ages, England just happens to have it correct?

Then if the relationship breaks up, with the woman having a vastly reduced earning capacity, you also believe they shouldn’t be entitled to half. Because they didn’t contribute half, financially?

and ffs, so you realise there’s a shot load of parents outside London and a ‘London lifestyle’ has nothing to do with their lives?

Again, if childcare is so damaging to children, men should reduce their hours and step up and be an equal parent.

@brookstar

And your misrepresenting what I wrote - I wrote I didn’t understand working that much “when possible” not to.

The problem is if both the father and mother work “for the same reasons” - there is no one around for the kids. Which is exactly why I believe in some division of Labor (or shared but that’s harder to manage) when it comes to this is best for the kids.

But you don’t believe in that.

You said children need their ‘mummy’ until they are 5.

if you believes in division of labour you would believe that both parents are equally responsible and should split the labour equally, as they see fit.

Not women staying at home.

I see them for half an hour in the morning and every evening after 5.15 and all weekend. They are teenagers and I am full time now.
I've had various work patterns throughout their childhoods trying to be there for them as much possible whilst earning as much money as I could.

your misrepresenting what I wrote - I wrote I didn’t understand working that much “when possible” not to. The problem is if both the father and mother work “for the same reasons” - there is no one around for the kids. Which is exactly why I believe in some division of Labor (or shared but that’s harder to manage) when it comes to this is best for the kids.

But you don't believe that though do you? You talk about women not needing to work if they have a husband who works and under 5's needing a mummy at home.

You are making some assumptions that just aren't. Just because two parents work that doesn't mean nobody is around for their kids. Most people I know who have successful careers have a great deal of flexibility. On the days we use wraparound care the latest we collect DS is 5pm but it is often between 4.15-4.30, two days a week we're collecting him at 3.15. We've never missed an assembly, play, sports day etc
We have lots of quality family time.

My career means a lot to me. It's a huge part of my identity and I'm proud of the fact I've managed to progress and have a young family.

Start minding your own business. Your opinions are irrelevant when it comes to life choices of others that have nothing to do with you.

As with many people my ‘chosen lifestyle’ includes things like electricity, petrol and food. I keep costs as low as I can, but the low wage job I love gives me purpose, adult interaction, and makes a really difference to the community. My daughter loves nursery and I am in the lucky position of my mother helping with after school care. I was made redundant 18 months ago and was very lucky to find a new job, but my ten minute walking commute has changed to a 45 minute drive. If I was out of the workplace until my daughter started school (a) we would have no money, and (b) I would really struggle to get back in.

My mother always worked (single parent) and she is a terrific role model. Some people are stuck in a perception of the 1950s (when most of my female relatives also had no choice but to keep working after having children).

You're not, because you said you've never used paid childcare. I don't know any working single parents who have never had to use paid childcare.

@HalfShrunkMoreToGo
Tbh, if a woman chooses to have a child knowing that their intention is to return to work before the child starts school and this will mean the child is in effect being raised by childcare providers, then yes, they shouldn't have bothered having children.

If you cannot devote such a short amount of time to your child, then don't have them. Ditto if cannot afford to do so.

Make sacrifices. Be that lifestyle, career progress whatever. You've got the best gift ever. Appreciate them.

My money is on choicemummy being a troll.
Nobody is that narrowminded and offensive surely?

If you aren't a troll you should be ashamed of yourself.

Why for being so honest and that holds a mirror up to those who have been selfish in their choices and not putting their child first?

Why for being so honest and that holds a mirror up to those who have been selfish in their choices and not putting their child first?

Why is working not putting your child first?

By working i'm giving my child a nice home in a wonderful village and all that brings with it. I'm paying for food, bills, extra curricular activities and wonderful experiences that I could have only dreamt of as a child. I was able to afford a tutor to help him catch up after missing so much of his education due to covid. I'm able to save for university fees and a house deposit for him and have a decent enough pension so that he won't have to pay to care for me in my old age.

He attended an outstanding nursery which he still talks about fondly. He adores the after school club as it's just one long play time.

We spend a lot of time together as a family and always have as our jobs are incredibly flexible. He's already had opportunities to travel as he often comes with me if I travel for work.

How is any of that selfish? He has a wonderful life and two loving parents.

Telling people (or to be more accurate women, as this criticism is never levelled at men) that they shouldn't have bothered having children is pretty low.
I wonder if you'd ever actually say that to someone IRL or if you're just a petty keyboard warrior?

I don’t really care if other people think it’s selfish.

I’d rather have children and work full time than not have children at all. My DS brings us so much joy.

My work is flexible so I see DD quite a lot during the day, I see her from 7:00-8:45 for school drop off, I then spend a few hours with her after school 14:45-17:00 then 18:30-20:00

@PinkPlantCase
Thats the point. It’s not about what brings you joy or what you’d rather. It’s the kids.

Reading some of these, it's actually makes me wonder why people bother having children in the first place if they literally won't have time to see them?

If your entire second wage is simply paying for childcare, what's the point in working?!

You are selfish. What does your DS think about this?!

This is the same kind of crap people come out with who work Full time and keep their 'precious dog' cooped up all day in the house - because he brings them so much joy.

You know, I'd almost forgotten that people have this kind of archaic attitude. I guess that's because I work with intelligent women who haven't been held back by this kind of bullshit but have forged very successful careers while somehow managing not to fuck up their kids. Sometimes it's good to be reminded that people like you still exist. We all need something to laugh at.

This is the same kind of crap people come out with who work Full time and keep their 'precious dog' cooped up all day in the house - because he brings them so much joy.
So you're comparing children to dogs??
Nobody on this thread has talked about leaving children cooped up in a house alone all day. Don't be so ridiculous.