To ask working parents how much do you see your kids each day?

[Kikimush]

Just curious. DH goes off to work at 830am every morning, then I drop the kids to school at 9. Childminder collects them and looks after them til 6pm and then once dh is home at 630pm it's time for dinner, quick bit of reading and bed at 8/830pm. Sometimes I'll also have something urgent hanging over from work that will need to be dealt with in this time.

I know lots of people are in the same/worse boat and I'm not looking for sympathy but just wondering how common this is? We do tend to make the most of family time at the weekend but it still never seems like enough. There are so many things I want to do with the kids that I never get around to :(

@changingstages

Thats right. Any time something isn’t all about their successful careers and someone questions whether kids in care long hours every day is a good idea or fair to the kids it’s “archaic”. All about them and the kids get to fit in around that - or rather they don’t so they stay with other people who raise them a greater part of their waking hours than their own parents.

How could anyone have a problem with that? How archaic they must be.

Why do you assume parents can’t or don’t earn more than they’re paying in child care?

most who SAH do so because their wages wouldn’t make it viable, most who work with children do so because their salary pays for more than child care. Kind of common sense really

So you're teaching them that possessions are important. How expensive their clothes are is important. How impressive their holidays are is important.

Trust me, Kids don't give a shit about all that. They'd much much rather you were home.

Reading some of these, it's actually makes me wonder why people bother having children in the first place if they literally won't have time to see them?

This type of comment is so offensive.
I also suggest you read the responses properly. Lots of us have talked about how our flexible jobs allow us plenty of family time.

If your entire second wage is simply paying for childcare, what's the point in working?!
Let me think.......

• long term plans as you pay for childcare for a relatively short amount of time. My salary has doubled since i had a child because i continued working


• Not all jobs/sectors are conducive to a long career break


• Pension contributions


• Mental health


• Women are allowed to develop a career they enjoy


• Not every women only earns enough to cover childcare

’see DC’ could helpfully be defined. To me the essentials are: practical stuff (small DC - eg bath and bed routine); hearing about their day; cooking; helping with homework; making sure they have stuff for the next day as needed . Optional extras include facilitating extra curricular activities.

My DC are now secondary ages. I found the most challenging phases in terms of juggling working/parenting/domestics on weekdays were in the v early years (sleep deprivation, DC ordinary illnesses); and then now.

For example my teen often seeks immediate help with homework, stress about school workload, social angst, whatever! And/or isn’t minded to do what I consider to be sensible without being nagged!

In the ‘middle bit’ - most of the primary years - found it more practical and predictable.

So you're teaching them that possessions are important. How expensive their clothes are is important. How impressive their holidays are is important.
Trust me, Kids don't give a shit about all that. They'd much much rather you were home.

I think children care about being able to attend clubs and hobbies which aren't cheap. Nobody has talked about expensive clothes - most of us are taking about experiences and opportunities. Having grown up in a very poor household it's nice to be able to offer my child the opportunities I never had.

DD is still in nursery so our days go like this.
DH works in the office so he goes in early (flexi, he goes early but is back home by 5). I take DD to nursery at 8. MIL picks her up 3.30pm and spends time with her until DH is back home at 5pm. I finish 6-ish and then it's family time. She goes to bed 8.30-9pm. Weekends are full-on family time.

All about them and the kids get to fit in around that - or rather they don’t so they stay with other people who raise them a greater part of their waking hours than their own parents.

I really object to people suggesting that if you use childcare then other people are raising your children. There is so much more to raising children than just being 'there'. If being visible to them all day is what constitutes raising a child then the vast majority of men are not raising their children and we all stop raising them when they start school!

Part of being a parent is about making decisions which effect your children in the short term and long term. For me that means providing for them financially into early adulthood and helping with university fees and/or house deposits. Its about providing opportunities and experiences that will help them develop the skills, outlook and cultural capital that will help them in the future.

The fact that i also really love my job is an added bonus,

Why is there an assumption on these threads that a sahp or one that single but magically never needs child care and works, is a better parent than a working one? or that the kids are better off.

There are loads of people who don’t or can’t parent in the best interests of their children and many of them don’t have a job. Or have jobs around their kids. it would be good to know how many kids on CIN plans have 2 working parents. Presenteeism is not all that’s required to be a good parent. And I am sure there are plenty of kids (as seen on another similar thread that went the same way because of the same posters) who, now, as adults wished their parents had worked.

In a country where poverty is the biggest impactor on outcomes for children, surely not working and choosing to just get by (especially as you won’t be just getting by now, you will likely be sinking) isn’t in the best interest of your kids.

Your child having hobbies, interactions and interests that don’t involve their parents input every second, is good for them.

Your employment status or you choice to use childcare is not an indicator of wether someone is actually a good parent.

Oh and I see non of the ‘mothers books t work crowd’ can never answer why men do need to give up work. Why if the husband works the onus is on the mother to give up work to be the sahp.

I work 3 days per week…… on working days I see the children for an hour in the morning. We get home at 6, youngest goes to bed at 6.30 and oldest goes up at 7.30

my non working days I see youngest all day and oldest from 3.30 to 7.30

weekends we’re with them all the time.

we can’t live off one salary and about 1/2 of mine goes on nursery. But that’s just for 2 years until 30 hr funding kicks in. in my profession I have to remain in practice and registration and it would be really difficult to be a sahp for a period of time and maintain this. DH is the higher earner so he can’t stop work.

feels to me that we have it balanced as best we can.

This makes no sense

The ‘mothers shouldnt work’ 😳

Being a parent doesn't mean martyrdom. You are actually allowed to do things for yourself too. Wind your neck in.

I worked full time since my kid was about 11 months. Thank god I did, I’m now a single
parent, still working full time but the pay off is that I no longer have to stress about money. Being a lone parent is hard enough, it would be even harder on a lower wage. She’s almost ten now.

i see her for a hour or two in the mornings, and then from about 5/6pm onwards, and all weekends.

i raised her. But my god, raising a child should take a village, not just one parent. I’m grateful for my childminder who did so much, and who we still keep in touch with. They brought only positive things into our lives and were part of bringing her up.

my kid knows who her mum is, there’s never been a doubt of that. I may have paid for child care, but right now, it means I can afford food, clothes, activities and holidays and save for the future. I won’t have anyone tell me that’s not valuable, and it also doesn’t mean that all I care about is possessions.

I take dd to school at 7:45 and I don't get home until 6, sometimes I pick her up at that time but most of the time she's home between 3:30 - 5. she goes to bed between 7 and 8 depending on tiredness. It's not ideal but I don't have a lot of choice.

BIL can go 3 days without seeing his kids if he's on midshifts as he leaves before they get up and gets home after they're in bed. I couldn't cope with that but again he doesn't have much choice.

He’s 11 months old, he’s been in nursery since he was 6 months and he has a great time there. He’s got strong relationships with the staff there and is developing really well. He’s a happy little boy, as he gets older nursery will be so normal to him.

The nursery’s brilliant, they have so many things for him to learn and play with, far more than we have at home. The staff are also great, experts in what they do, far more so than I am!

Bit different to keeping a dog cooped up all day…

You've been on previous threads on here extolling your virtues as a SAHM and been utterly dismissive of many. You've been very lucky to have been afforded the freedom you've mentioned in detail (repeatedly). Don't derail this thread as you have others

A troll is one of the kinder things I could say about this user and her posts on this thread! Thankfully a lot of them are being cut off mid way through so I'm spared a bit of the vitriol. Thanks mumsnet!

@Tamzo85 what's your plan if your husband leaves you or dies or gets sick and can't work?

Mine is: carry on as I am. The children and I will be fine because I can afford for us to live comfortably myself.

Honestly I would be surprised if @Tamzo85 is a sahp or a woman. Given on previous threads that have stated that women who stay at home or work part time, should be prepared to walk away than less 50% of assets because they contributed less, financially.

and also that if you are the one to file for divorce, regardless of the circumstances, you should be classed as the one at fault and be financially damaged by that. Which again, disproportionally impacts women, as more women file for divorce. Incidentally, would also force women into remaining married regardless of their partners behaviour.

and before anyone says other threads aren’t relevant, there are when someone’s posts are so anti-women.

If you reread this, it sounds as though you perceive your parenting role as solely buying your child activities and experiences, rather than having had the gift of being with you and having you raise your child. You may have hang ups over what you perceived you missed out on, but did you have time with your parents and build memories?

How sad that he'll be receiving more attention from strangers than you his own mother and he's not even a year old.
How sad that as a mother, you don't appreciate the wonderful gift you have been bestowed.
In this scenario, surely for the small amount of the child's life you'll be present for, it would have been fairer to have been a more involved aunt with siblings or friends children?

From about 730am until 830 am and 5pm until bedtime - which these days is between 9pm and 10pm.

Mine are 9 and 13 years old.

@ChoiceMummy definitely a troll

still no answer on why you don’t think kids will feel bad receiving so much less attention from their fathers though.