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Original poster

Would you let parents know if their dd14 was posting rude photos

165 replies

Slavetolove · 16/05/2022 17:37

Dd14 is friends with another girl who is 14 and has a boyfriend.

she posted on her Instagram story yesterday of her in the shower with her bf, both clearly naked. He’s holding her boobs.

would you tell her parents? I would want to know if my daughter was posting stuff I think

OP posts:
icelollycraving · 16/05/2022 19:53

I’d always be cautious with threads like this tbh. Hope no one shares experiences in too much detail.

TeddybearBaby · 16/05/2022 19:56

Did you see it for yourself or did your daughter tell / show you? I still think you need to tell someone either way but if you saw it with no input from your daughter then that makes it easier for your relationship with her I think.

carefullycourageous · 16/05/2022 20:00

Do NOT screenshot it, if you do you will be in possession of an illegal image yourself.

Report it.

Member869894 · 16/05/2022 20:06

Yes I would and have told the mother in very similar circumstances. It wasn't an easy phone call but I thought I would want to know if it was my daughter. The mother was grateful I had told her

BellePeppa · 16/05/2022 20:06

oioimatey · 16/05/2022 17:43

Absolutely tell the parents. 14! But if you're worried about your daughter being upset then tell the school so they can chat to the parents on an anonymous tip off

I think this is a good idea. The school is a very good place to speak in confidence and they can report it to the police.

Viviennemary · 16/05/2022 20:12

I would report it to the police.

Just10moreminutesplease · 16/05/2022 20:18

I’d tell the school. Your daughter may be right, her parents might know and be ok with it. It doesn’t matter, It’s still a massive safeguarding concern.

Wallywobbles · 16/05/2022 20:20

One of my DDs posted a photo of her and bf in bed. On BFs totally open Instagram. They looked naked. I ran through the consequences of her actions very quickly.

You can never tell them too often. And they need to understand that you, someone's parent saw it. So any fucker can see it too.

BlueOverYellow · 16/05/2022 20:22

MRex · 16/05/2022 17:46

I would report to the police as they are underage, let the police follow up on any and all child protection needs.

This

They're both underage. She is vulnerable if she's already posting nude pictures of herself like that. It's also child porn.

uhohhereweego · 16/05/2022 20:23

Yes and I hope another parent would let me know if it were my daughter.

StanVic49 · 16/05/2022 20:33

If you’re concerned about how to approach it then please please please contact the school. Do not screenshot the picture however tell them the IG username. Pastoral and the Senior Leadership Team will take the appropriate safeguarding steps.

These images can be screenshotted and shared amongst peers and they all need to be aware of the consequences. These are underage, vulnerable children.

StanVic49 · 16/05/2022 20:35

Slavetolove · 16/05/2022 17:41

My daughter would disown me. She and my husband thinks I should keep my nose out and that her parents probably know because she tells them everything..

Perhaps your husband wants to think about it as if it was your daughter. Would he want people viewing and potentially sharing these images of her?

Thack · 16/05/2022 20:37

I haven't rtwt, just op's posts so apologies if this has been said....

You need to have a conversation with dd and more importantly DH. His attitude to mind your own business is worrying, he should be concerned about this behaviour and condone it.

MermaidSwimming · 16/05/2022 20:37

Tell the school safeguarding lead, they will know the most appropriate way forward and your daughter doesn't need to know who reported it

MsTSwift · 16/05/2022 20:39

Oh and to those smug “my 14 year old Dd is knitting socks and reading” be very very careful - you never know what’s round the corner especially with teens. Likely to come back and bite you on the arse.

TooManyPlatesInMotion · 16/05/2022 20:39

I think you have to tell the school. It is a safeguarding issue, obvs.

Bikeybikeface · 16/05/2022 20:47

@BloomsburyNook only writing about it? My 14yo DD is currently swimming the channel, sieving out plastic with her teeth. That was after she signed the works of Shakespeare to orphaned deaf children. What is the world coming to! I must live under a rock!

generalh · 16/05/2022 20:50

This would be a cause for concern for school too.

MermaidEyes · 16/05/2022 20:54

If she posted on her stories yesterday then there's a good chance the image has gone now anyway as stories only stay up for 24 hours..most likely why she chose the stories option rather than Instagram feed. Still worth reporting but the evidence may have gone.

Bootothegoose · 16/05/2022 20:55

They're literal babies at fourteen. If you're not comfortable telling her parents, tell the school. Either way this needs drawing attention to an adult in her life.

She's distributing what would be regarded as sexualised images of a child. Posting it to her story is an entirely separate issue to them clearly being sexually active. It's both a crime and a huge safeguarding risk.

Never mind your daughter disowning you. She doesn't need to know.

FlissyPaps · 16/05/2022 20:59

Absolutely DO NOT screenshot OP.

& also tell your daughter not to screenshot either. (Even though she likely has no intention.)

The school should take this very seriously. Could you speak to the safeguarding lead at school or the head of year? Just to make them aware. It isn’t about getting anyone in trouble. It’s for protection.

You can do this without your daughter knowing. & the school should respect that.

Then (whoever member of staff) could arrange an assembly, small classes even a letter home to parents about the dangers of posting such content and staying safe online.

MsTSwift · 16/05/2022 21:00

You need to appreciate you only see one side of your teen…

MsTSwift · 16/05/2022 21:02

I confided a terrible thing a friend did at 14 (not sexual) to my mum despite swearing to secrecy as I was terrified and was actually very relieved to hand the problem to appropriate adults.

Bunce1 · 16/05/2022 21:03

designated safeguarding lead at the school
or the police.

do not screenshot, share or distribute/store the image. It’s on instagram. The police will find it.

Some things are bigger than keeping a secret with your teen. This is one of them.

fluffycereal · 16/05/2022 21:05

It is a good to make your children aware as they grow up that while they can tell you anything or you may find out things some other way like seeing images on social media, that there is a line which sometimes means you have to take action to protect or help persons involved. My own DC have always known I would never break a confidence or pass on information about someone unless I deemed the person at risk of some sort. This would be that time.