Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you let parents know if their dd14 was posting rude photos

165 replies

Slavetolove · 16/05/2022 17:37

Dd14 is friends with another girl who is 14 and has a boyfriend.

she posted on her Instagram story yesterday of her in the shower with her bf, both clearly naked. He’s holding her boobs.

would you tell her parents? I would want to know if my daughter was posting stuff I think

OP posts:
yellowsuninthesky · 16/05/2022 18:17

This is rather stronger stuff than I saw, but when my son was in Y7, his friends on Instagram were posing provocative pictures of themselves in their bedrooms with only skimpy underwear/bikinis on. I did report it to the school and asked them to talk to the girls about posting stuff on social media. Of course they shouldn't have even been on there at the age of 12.

I would report to school, they have the contacts and procedures to follow.

Blossomtoes · 16/05/2022 18:17

Slavetolove · 16/05/2022 17:41

My daughter would disown me. She and my husband thinks I should keep my nose out and that her parents probably know because she tells them everything..

In which case there’s absolutely no harm in telling them.

VeryTrying22 · 16/05/2022 18:20

@Mally100 interesting you’ve said only the girl is out of control in this scenario.

Teenagers have sex, have done since the dawn of time. teens can be respectful, kind, decent, help cook a roast and still have sex. They’re not mutually exclusive behaviours.

Comedycook · 16/05/2022 18:21

Don't tell the parents...go directly to the school. No need to tell your DD that you are telling them.

Neverreturntoathread · 16/05/2022 18:22

It’s child porn. Making / sharing it is illegal so make sure you and your dd don’t get involved in that!

Report to the police / social services, they will take the necessary steps (and your dd / the girl never have you know that the report came from you).

Mally100 · 16/05/2022 18:23

VeryTrying22 · 16/05/2022 18:20

@Mally100 interesting you’ve said only the girl is out of control in this scenario.

Teenagers have sex, have done since the dawn of time. teens can be respectful, kind, decent, help cook a roast and still have sex. They’re not mutually exclusive behaviours.

She was the one posting it though? Sorry you may be ok with thinking it's normal for a 14yo to be having sex but I wouldn't be. Not every teen is

Darkstar4855 · 16/05/2022 18:24

This needs a police/safeguarding referral. The image could have been screenshotted and sent anywhere by now.

YouHaveYourFathersBreasts · 16/05/2022 18:26

Slavetolove · 16/05/2022 17:41

My daughter would disown me. She and my husband thinks I should keep my nose out and that her parents probably know because she tells them everything..

Your daughter is a child, she doesn’t get a say in this. My daughter is the same age and I would be telling her just that and letting the parents know that there is an indecent image of their child on the internet. An image that has probably been copied and shared already with god knows who.

ChewtonBunny · 16/05/2022 18:27

Neverreturntoathread · 16/05/2022 18:22

It’s child porn. Making / sharing it is illegal so make sure you and your dd don’t get involved in that!

Report to the police / social services, they will take the necessary steps (and your dd / the girl never have you know that the report came from you).

.It's not child porn. It's child abuse.

fluffycereal · 16/05/2022 18:28

@ChewtonBunny

It's neither. It's making illegal images.

scoobydoo1971 · 16/05/2022 18:30

I would be mortified if my 14 year old child was doing this, and would like to know. Tell the safeguarding lead at the school, but also contact the social media provider who can take it down.

Hiya Wishy · 16/05/2022 18:31

IsThisRealLife12 · 16/05/2022 18:10

This this thread real!!??? Or do I live a very sheltered life where my 14 year old is sat buried with her head in a book on Japanese culture after having helped cook a roast!??

OP, report this to the school. What the hell is wrong with people!!?

Your 14 year old sounds like a lovely girl! 😊

Eelicks · 16/05/2022 18:34

Every adult is responsible for safeguarding children. I would report it to safeguarding lead at school

Hiddenvoice · 16/05/2022 18:35

Yes you should tell the parents and potentially the school as this is a safe guarding issue. The school will be able to support all pupils and aid them in understanding what is and is not safe to post online etc whilst providing sexual health education.

Ohmybod · 16/05/2022 18:38

Imagine the conversation you’d prefer to have with your future adult daughter…

”remember that girl who posted pics of herself which was child pornography on social media…and we tipped off the school so she could get support and understand what a bad idea this was and why”

or

”remember that girl who posted pics of herself which was child pornography on social media…silly girl, wonder what happened to her, yeah I know WE were the adults but I didnt want to get involved or make trouble for you….”

VeryTrying22 · 16/05/2022 18:39

@Mally100 older generations often don’t think teens have sex. So not surprised you feel this way.

One in 20 girls in the UK is sexually active before 16, that’s not a small number

Honeyroar · 16/05/2022 18:39

Tell them. Surely even the coolest of parents would be bothered about that?

vinoandbrie · 16/05/2022 18:40

I’d go to school with it (NOT with the image, but with a written description of it and of where it’s posted), and say that you’d like to report it as a safeguarding issue. Then leave it in their hands.

Blossomtoes · 16/05/2022 18:41

VeryTrying22 · 16/05/2022 18:39

@Mally100 older generations often don’t think teens have sex. So not surprised you feel this way.

One in 20 girls in the UK is sexually active before 16, that’s not a small number

And always did. I reckon at least half my class had sex before their 16th birthday - and that was over 50 years ago. It’s the image and its distribution that’s the issue here.

DilemmaBlah · 16/05/2022 18:41

It's not "child pornography," because that doesn't exist - children cannot consent to sex so this is not porn, it is child sexual abuse images.

Glad someone has said this. “Child pornography” is not a thing. Pictures of this nature are child sexual abuse images regardless of whether they took it themselves or someone else did.

Vikinga · 16/05/2022 18:49

Her parents should know definitely. I can't think of any parent who wouldn't want to be made aware that their child was posting sexual pictures of themselves online. And far from disowning you, your daughter told you for a reason. she knows it isn't right so that is why she showed you, so you could do something about it

whynotwhatknot · 16/05/2022 18:49

If its on her stories only it will disappear after 24 hours unless shes saved it to her phone

Wam90 · 16/05/2022 18:54

Yes, I’d definitely want to be told if this was my daughter when she gets to that age. It could be difficult how to approach it though depending on what type of people they’re like. 🤔

Eightiesfan · 16/05/2022 18:56

You would be amazed at what some 14 years olds get up to. There is always one whose parents have drunk all the Kool-aid and allow their children to have unsupervised sleep-overs with all the shenanigans posted online for all their friends to see.

I’m assuming this child’s insta account is set to private so that only her followers can see her photos. A 14 year old posting naked selfies of her and BF in the shower cannot possibly be public without it coming to the attention of someone’s parents or the school.

If you go to the school, it is very unlikely the police would be called in unless the BF is much older.

ChewtonBunny · 16/05/2022 19:18

DilemmaBlah · 16/05/2022 18:41

It's not "child pornography," because that doesn't exist - children cannot consent to sex so this is not porn, it is child sexual abuse images.

Glad someone has said this. “Child pornography” is not a thing. Pictures of this nature are child sexual abuse images regardless of whether they took it themselves or someone else did.

Absolutely this