Women "blank" pregnant woman on train, while men expected to rise to give seat (embarrassing double standards?)

[CurvyBirdy]

Today a heavily pregnant woman got on a full train.

3 women saw her (eyes went back down to the ground)
3 men saw her, all in unison immediately rose.

This is really embarrassing behaviour - AIMU

I'm assuming you're the pregnant woman.

I'm very surprised that three men got up to allow you to sit down, during all my pregnancies I've rarely experienced even one man offering a seat.

How do you know those women don't have physical disabilities which mean they would struggle to stand? Does being pregnant automatically mean you aren't able to stand on public transport? My neighbour worked as a hair dresser upto 4 days before her due date.

I needed a seat far more before I was showing, I felt utterly dreadful in my first trimester! Were they women of childbearing age who could also have been pregnant?

You're basing this on a ridiculously small sample.

This just sounds like a random occurrence. All of the people involved were individuals, some behaving well, others poorly. Nothing to do with sex. Overall women were slightly more likely to offer than men during my three pregnancies. Mainly because they seemed more likely to be actively looking around to see if anyone needed a seat.

Well, the women sitting down could have been pregnant too, although not at such a late stage - still might not have wanted to risk being knocked about standing up in a moving train.

I commuted on the London tube at least 3 days a week and was ignored by both men and women and offered by both. No one ever said no when I asked.

When I was about 6 months pregnant with my 1st I travelled from one end of the country to the other by train and the only people who offered to help me with a heavy suitcase were women, all the big strong men blanked me!

Yup - so what. I’d certainly stand for anyone if they looked they were struggling. Whether male or female or a child or old person.

You can’t extrapolate from one situation you witnessed 🥸

I think that's unusual- I always leap out of my seat.

I do remember going to a MW appointment on the bus at 41 weeks and no one offering me a seat. Not sure I'd have accepted anyway though as if I'd sat down I might not have got up again 😂

Very unusual.
As PP have pointed out, the other women could have had disabilities or been pregnant themselves.

Does being pregnant automatically mean you aren't able to stand on public transport? My neighbour worked as a hair dresser upto 4 days before her due date

being heavily pregnant means a lot of added weight, oftentimes back and hip pain, swelling when standing and a bad centre of gravity. It’s not an ideal situation for standing on a moving vehicle, no. Your neighbour presumably wasn’t on a moving vehicle cutting hair, and perhaps she had no choice re working 4 days before her due date or had a very comfortable pregnancy. I am very pleased I don’t need to take public transport as I can imagine how uncomfortable standing up for long periods of time on it would be whilst heavily pregnant.

I had both men and women offer a seat or ignore me on the tube. I assumed if either sex didn’t offer it was because they had a reason not to- which is more likely to be pregnancy/ period pains / endo etc in a woman of childbearing age, but could be anything. Our reproductive health is already gaslight and overlooked as it is so please no women bashing based on one tenuous anecdote.

Seems unlikely that all 3 women would be pregnant or have a disability

It would take a sign of obvious distress or need, in order to make me relinquish a seat on a busy train!

Agree with others though that it’s a very small sample - some people are more observant, others who are reading or listening to music might not notice. I very much doubt all three women looked up & thought “nah, love, sucks to be you.”

I was heavily pregnant in the height of winter so was usually commuting in a big coat and it probably didn’t look obvious. I just asked for a seat if I needed one.

I've not seen that, in my experience I've mostly seen women offer seats to pregnant women/disabled people etc, as I always do, it's the men who lower their eyes and pretend they haven't seen, usually on the tube!

I've had more men than women offering to help carry my bags/shopping etc when I have been loaded up with kids or even when I've been struggling. Didn't travel by public transport when pregnant so can't comment about that. UK is generally a considerate country though so ik surprised.

You just want to minimise being knocked or falling. I always offer my seat to a woman when I am no less than 100% sure she is pregnant. Anything less than 100% sorry I don't risk offending her.

With older people I don't offer to people who look old, only if they look as though they want or need a seat, again to avoid offending them.

How do you know those women don't have physical disabilities which mean they would struggle to stand?
Of course, if women don't act reasonably, it can only be because they have a good reason!

I too found men much more likely to get up and offer their seat than women when I travelled on the train and underground daily heavily pregnant. Not always, but as a whole, they did so more instinctively and more hapilly.

You can’t always know by looking at someone if they have health issues re standing, etc. The pregnant lady may well be healthier, fitter, than some other non-pregnant women, etc. Its not double standards or embarrassing at all…

Unlikely, but not impossible. They could have been up all night with a sick child, and been exhausted. Who knows?

The only people who gave me a seat when I was pregnant were women. 🤷🏻‍♀️

My friends baby died at 20 weeks so your neighbour couldn’t possibly have worked up till that late because obviously all women are the same so your neighbours baby died at 20 weeks. I mean, what is the relevance of your single anecdotal story about one woman and one pregnancy??

I wouldn’t have made it through my 10 min tube trip to work without throwing up if I didn’t sit down for the first few months. And needed 20 minutes to recover from travelling in by the time I’d gotten to work and up the elevators. I guess you think I’m lying as that didn’t happen to your neighbour either.

That’s not my experience of travelling on the tube as a pregnant woman, but - I assume this goes without saying - anyone who felt able to should have offered a seat, with the greatest onus on the person in the priority seat if they didn’t need it.

In my experience it's older people (of both sexes) who get up, while folk aged under 30 just sit and ignore pregnant, elderly, mobility issues.

There also seems to be a tendency for younger people to sit or stand right at the front, leaving loads of empty seats up the back meaning those with mobility issues have to squeeze past them to get up the back.

I'm 31. Don't 'look' disabled, but I am. I wouldn't have offered my seat either. You don't know everyone's circumstances.