Women "blank" pregnant woman on train, while men expected to rise to give seat (embarrassing double standards?)

[CurvyBirdy]

Today a heavily pregnant woman got on a full train.

3 women saw her (eyes went back down to the ground)
3 men saw her, all in unison immediately rose.

This is really embarrassing behaviour - AIMU

Honestly I’ve found it is more likely to be men that offer, however I have had women offer a seat as well I got on a crowded bus the other day with a folded buggy and my daughter and a woman offered me her seat, but I do agree it’s generally men more likely to offer.

YABU. Why did you look to 3 women before looking to the men?

I am an older woman and I gave my seat to a young girl who looked in danger of fainting. I did look round first but no one else was looking.
The people (usually young men) in the disability seats always seem to be very engaged in their phone games and totally oblivious - and no I don't believe they ALL have hidden disabilities.

I'd say that men got up most frequently but there were definitely women too but I was often completely blanked by everyone on the overground / tube (London). I think I was about 35 weeks and got a train after a midwife appointment and lots of people looked and then turned away. Bastards.

I've been through 2 pregnancies commuting on public transport. I never made assumptions about people not giving me their seats. You can't tell by looking at someone if they need to sit down. I've offered my seat plenty of times over the years. When I was desperate a couple of times when pregnant, I generally asked the carriage for a seat, rather than targeting a particular person.

All in unison? Did they, aye.

We're you wearing a baby on board badge?

Even if someone is very obviously pregnant, if they are not broadcasting it I don't offer.

I made a hugely embarrassing mistake offering a larger and not pregnant lady a seat once.

Where were you, Camelot? My experience is entirely the reverse and I expect I share that with the majority of women.

I don't remember many people offering me a seat in the UK and I was huge from the get go. But when I went on holiday to my DP's home country women would always give me their seat on buses and trains and push me to the front of the toilet queue, I was Quite surprised but they are a lovely culture.

"embarrassing double standards"?
Is this some sort of anti feminist gotcha?
It's not data, it's one example.

Its etiquette isn't it? The men, as being more robust, have always been expected to be the ones to be first to give up their seats. If they wouldn't do it them I'm sure one of the women would have. I would let a man stand first.

I found it was always men offering me a sea when commuting to and travelling around London. Had a lovely chat with some drunk football fans on the tube once, they were really sweet and funny.

If travelling overground a lot of rail companies let you use first class for no extra charge.

No-one offers anyone a seat anymore! I couldn't even get a man to move his bag to allow me to sit on a very busy train last week.

There are all manner of reasons why someone may need a seat, just because you got pregnant (it's not a skill yknow) you're not the priority 😉

Anecdote does not equal data

This was my experience too. Equal opportunities rude dickers, equal opportunities kind people. Plenty of opportunity for me to ask people who are never rude enough to refuse once directly (politely) asked.

Lucky a seat was offered.

Pregnancy 1- bus from plane to terminal at airport while 7.5 months pregnant. Not offered a seat, felt so dangerous.

Pregnancy 2- 28 weeks, office meeting, not enough seats. All the men with very important man jobs sat while I stood up. 30 mins later I sat on the flor- felt like I was going to pass out. Felt so embarrassed.

I boarded a bus back from hospital after fainting from low blood sugars, 5 days past my due date and not one person offered me a seat, even when I politley asked if I could sit down. The priority seat even has a picture of a pregnant woman on it - no I don't know if every single person on that bus had a disability/reason they could not stand themselves but it seems unlikely. I just think people in general are just becoming more inconsiderate now. However, I do also find women to be less sympathetic to pregnancy related illness and struggles than men are.

Well women get more chronic conditions that can cause invisible disabilities than men. They could have endometriosis, crippling period pains, anemia, pelvic problems caused by pregancy and childbirth etc etc etc

So im not sure your tiny little senario is representative of much.

These threads always make me roll my eyes. I travelled by tube every single day of my pregnancies (unless i was cycling) and, once I was showing, I was always offered a seat unless it was so packed people in the seats couldn't see me, and then I just asked, politely. A broad range of people offered me their seats, although young men were usually the first to leap up, followed by women my own age. Ironically my SPD was better when I was standing, so I quite often refused anyway.

If no one offers, just ask, it's not hard. Some people may not offer because they don't want to offend if you're at the 'is it too much cake or is she pregnant, second trimester' stage, some may not offer because they aren't feeling well themselves or have a hidden disability, and some may simply be lost in their own thoughts. The vast majority of people aren't actively obnoxious.

Having said that, I was sitting in the priority seat on a bus when I was 8/9 months pregnant. A woman and her daughter got on and she demanded I give her pregnant daughter my seat. I took quite a lot of pleasure in pointing out my own MASSIVE bump and refusing.

Does being pregnant take away her ability to ask for a seat?

That happened? Op you observed 3 women on different seats/areas ALL do that?

And people would have known you fainted, would they? They would just magically know. OK then.

I should get a seat for not overpopulating the Earth.

"Hey, please let me sit down because x months ago a man ejaculated inside me." LOL

Oh Fgs 🙄 what all 3 of them pregnant?
Yanbu, it isalways men that have given me a seat or offering one. Rarely seen a woman do it.

I was always offered seats on the Tube by both sexes. It was the men who’d refuse to take no for an answer when I refused having commuted in and fancied standing for a bit. The commuter train home was a different story – women would stand, men would angle away, hunch over phones, pretend not to hear even when I wobbled a large bump at them or tapped them on the shoulder and asked. But it’s all anecdotal.

This wasn't my experience. When I was heavily pregnant it was young women who offered their seat 100% of the time.