I'm jealous of people who get inheritances

[Barnabee]

Yeah I know you'll all pile on telling me I should expect nothing. But some people have lovely families who want to pass something forwards to help their children. I'll never have that.

I do get where you are coming from. I was left no money by both parents and DH did get a little bit but a long time ago and it got swallowed up in the recession. I have a friend whose parents are divorced. Her dad died and left her 250k so she has her house paid off. Her mom is quite well off. She seems horrified that I will have to work until 65 and probably down size to pay my mortgage off and tells me I shouldn't say I won't get any inheritance for the future.

Not all inheritances need be financial. Give your children good memories, resilience, courage and push for educational achievement. Appreciation of the environment and nature so they have it ingrained into their psyche. So they remember you when they see a view, a fluffy lamb, a beautiful vista.

Lovely honest post. That is how you should feel and is exactly how your mum would want you to feel. Enjoy a little more financial security whilst remembering your mum. Perhaps buy yourself something personal that reminds you of your mum. X

Yes, good honest post@BraveFaceScaredInside

Your mum will be up there smiling

What a waste of time being envious is. Instead of whinging I wasn't going to get an inheritance, I got a well paid job. Now my kids will get an inheritance, and help throughout life.

A better use of your energy than jealousy.

If only the OP had thought of that! If only everyone thought of that, and got well-paid jobs. Poverty eradicated in a flash, no more food banks. It’s so easy.

I find it rather distasteful that as well as smugly patronising her you are admonishing the OP, who grew up in care, for ‘whinging’.

Everyone is jealous of someone. Most often I'm sure people who have more money.

There's always someone happier than you, better off than you, had it easier than you.

But comparing your situation to one that you're not in won't ever help anything. Least of all your mental health.

This thread is so sad!

I’ve known some who won’t be inheriting as expected due to parents divorce and/or parents foolishness. They have amazing jobs and will be very well off regardless.

Even see one of then cut off a friendship because other person bought themselves a fancy handbag and went on holiday after a relative died and left them money - a relative they’d lived with for years and cared for……

Jealousy is a terrible thing. The grief and loss generally outweighs any monetary gain and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

• I’ve known some be resentful

The grief and loss generally outweighs any monetary gain and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

it’s not in your power to wish, or not wish, bereavement on anyone though is it? People die. That is what happens. It’s a fact independent of inheritance.

There is no argument that grief outweighs the monetary gain.

But grief with monetary gain is better than grief without monetary gain.

My parents are only in their early 60s so I hope I have many many more years with them. And I hope when their time is up, they don't have much in the way of savings as they have spent it enjoying their retirement. But, getting money from their house sale will be something that I would like and find helpful. That is not me wishing them dead, its just knowing they aren't immortal, and it's making the beat of a bad situation. Money won't make the grief less, but would make the future easier.

Obviously if the house money goes on care home costs etc, then so be it.

My father in law recently died aged 55. He didn't leave inheritance as such as everything went to my mother in law, he put all his affairs in order, money will be coming in from insurance and also compensation money. No one cares about the money as the family are very much consumed with grief right now. But, they are financially secure, and while they would give every penny they have to get him back, that isn't an option. So the financial security is almost his way of continuing to look out for the family.

This thread is so sad!

I’ll say. Not sorrowful sad, but likely to cause dismay to anyone with a basic grasp of logic.

My husband got a small inheritance. Sat in the bank for ages. He felt guilty he has the money she should have been enjoying for her retirement. Gave most to the kids.

So the financial security is almost his way of continuing to look out for the family.

I completely relate to this. I felt that when my dad died. He looked after my mum, me and my son. He’s made my son secure for the rest of his life and we’ll always be grateful.

@Iamthewombat …. Erm I don’t know what you’re getting at.

What I mean is the grief is the worst thing imaginable to experience. I don’t understand somebody being jealous of that or wishing they were so lucky as to have the experience…. As that is how you get inheritance, generally it’s someone you’ve loved like a parent or grandparent.

YANBU

My mum died when I was 22 and I quickly realised that everyone around me just assumed that losing a parent would come with an inheritance. It didn't. She had nothing to leave other than a few grand which went on the funeral and I ended up even more skint due to having to pay for a headstone. It was financially disastrous for me as a 22yr old renting with debt and a minimum wage job.

I find it painful when people say snippy things when someone says they're lucky to have had an inheritance like about how they'd rather have their parent. Well, obviously, but surely you can recognise that some people have neither their parent nor any money. Money can make grieving so much easier as you can focus on the loss instead of having to grieve while working your fingers to the bone. Going back to work three days after a funeral and ten days after watching her die was awful and if there'd been any money floating around maybe I'd have been able to afford a couple weeks off.

I don’t understand somebody being jealous of that or wishing they were so lucky as to have the experience

But they get the “experience” either way unless their relatives are planning on living forever. They’re jealous of the cash not the dead dad.

Whether OP has parents in their life isn’t established, just that they grew up in care and are resentful of others having people to lose and gaining money.

Losing people is rotten, gaining the money can make life easier or substantially harder - particularly if there are multiple beneficiaries and a big estate.

Seen people have their lives put on hold for years trying to sort it all out, never mind time spent potentially caring for person prior to death. It’s a horrible situation.

Seen people have their lives put on hold for years trying to sort it all out, never mind time spent potentially caring for person prior to death. It’s a horrible situation

Here we go again. The ‘accursed inheritance’ argument. That will be an enormous comfort to the OP, alongside the other poorly thought out (at best) and plain stupid (at worst) advice she has been presented with, including:

Your inheritance from your parents should be love and affection blah blah not money, how crass (to the OP, who grew up in care)

I’d sooner have my loved ones than the money, how crass you are, you don’t understand the depth of my suffering because I’m above all that talk of filthy lucre.

Think of the people in the third world who have nothing, that will make you feel better.

Why don’t you work harder and make loads of money yourself?

So true

But its mumsnet, full of the terminally hard of hearing.

This is the dark, punitive, Gollum side to Mumsnet that shocks me when it pops up. Of course it's horrible, watching other people no more talented or hard-working than you are able to buy homes and second homes and retire early and go on cruises and drive flash cars because of the lottery of birth and inheritance. It's not fair and those of us who've inherited need to admit that.

My will includes a decent-sized bequest to a friend of mine who was born into an abusive, alcohol-addicted family where neither parent wanted her. They both died early and left her nothing. She's never had the hundred little handouts and quiet support that those of us from loving families have had. She's made her way but life's still a struggle. I'm mortified that she might read some of the malicious rubbish on here.

@Iamthewombat @ssd

Have you had inheritance? Have you cleared a house? Dealt with legal issues?

What I’m pointing out is frequently inheriting is complicated and stressful, it can destroy families.

All this “I’m jealous of lovely families leaving money and everyone having it so great”

It’s a rose tinted view and not the reality.

I don’t understand somebody being jealous of that or wishing they were so lucky as to have the experience

But people who don’t get an inheritance have that same experience… their relatives aren’t immortal! They just tend to be having that experience with loved ones who have nothing to leave.
you either go through the pain of losing people and get an inheritance, or you go through the pain of losing people and don’t get an inheritance. There is no situation in which loved ones don’t die!

It's luck more than anything. Of course we all hope our kids will inherit the house we worked hard to buy but, unless both of us drop down dead quickly, with no lengthy care fees to pay it's unlikely. There are of course ways around this and it's worth looking into handing over your house/savings etc prior to your health declining. Back in the day, when you could run a family home on one income, the mother was usually expected to care for the ailing relatives until their dying day - thus no for care home fees etc. But now both partners have to work to pay a mortgage so the options available are a)one gives up work to look after relative for however many years necessary or b)one salary is swallowed up paying care home fees or c)sell house/use savings to pay care home fees.
My parents are in their mid seventies now and I know they want to leave the house to me and my brother but in reality I know there's no point in even entering the idea that at some point I may be a few hundred thousand richer because it's highly likey that I won't.

@ReadyToMoveIt Op appears to be coming from the position of not having relatives to leave money to them.