To understand not wanting to be involved

[CandyApplePie]

In this situation.....Probably get flamed for this but anyway

I am on another site where a woman has had a baby from a one night stand (this is what he has referred to her as) they met once and she fell pregnant and kept the baby, he doesn't want to be involved and expressed that to her from the beginning. She kept the baby and is now pursuing him for child maintenance. The man is angry and telling her she was just a one night stand and to go away and that he wants nothing to do with the baby, he is saying he used a condom (she says they didn't) so it's not his baby, they are going to be doing a dna test but he is insisting the child is nothing to do with him. All the comments are along the lines of "how can he just walk away" "how can he want nothing to do with the child" "babies are a blessing" "having a child is the most amazing experience" but aibu to understand why someone wouldn't want to be tied to a stranger for the rest of their lives? Maintenance is a separate issue but I can understand why a man wouldn't want to be involved in raising the child, he is insisting he did use a condom she says they didn't so no one really knows the truth their apart from the two of them.

all the comments were from women saying how can he not want anything to do with the baby, children are amazing etc how can he not want to know, erm it’s very clear for me to see how! No one would be happy to hear a ONS is pregnant. But either way I still think any parent shouldn’t be forced to raise a child they never wanted, not even a judge / court forces them to.

I really don't think people were saying this. I'm a woman and I've no intention of having children because I like my life as it is and think children are pretty boring. What I can say, though, is that if I were a man and got a woman pregnant, I'm pretty sure I would step up to my responsibilities, because once there's a child that you’ve helped create, however unwittingly, it's no longer just about you and what you want. Fairly sure I would end up loving that child too.

I also don't think many people were saying a bloke should be forced to be involved more than financially, because obviously it isn't in the child's interests to have some reluctant, angry prick turning up every week and showing just how much he resents that child. What people were saying is that they wouldn't think much of that man who'd turned his back on the child.

And when Roe Vs Wade gets overturned the same situation will exist for women.

Doesn’t matter that you believe tbh those were the comments...

Oh, I assumed you meant the comments on this website.

I don't think its at all odd to not want to be involved with the child of a complete stranger, even if it is biologically yours.

What I think is very odd is being a woman having a baby by a ONS, a complete stranger. I think it's completely insane and wouldn't contemplate it for a second.

Why didn’t he make sure he hadn’t got her pregnant in that case? I think he secretly wanted a baby.

Ditto. I need to stop reading this shithouse of a thread.

Yep it baffles me that people do this, not even because of the pregnancy issue but the dangers of it. They met on tinder apparently!

He’s also having a baby with a complete stranger though.

He isn't having a baby at all.

Yes he is. He has fathered a child.

Indeed. Which is not, in any sense, "having a baby".

One can father a child without ever knowing about it, or meeting it ever. "Having a baby" is a very different thing.

You’re right. He has created a human life and is now a father, is more accurate.

Your friend will be fine, dont worry. Chances are he will absolutely be able to opt out. Its perfectly ok for the woman he impregnated to try and get some help from him, but judging by the amount of men that pay fuck all for their kids and do fuck all, clearly theres not much a woman can do except take it all on herself in many cases

Maybe, or maybe he just didnt pay any mind to the fact that sex can get a woman pregnant.

Op, you seem oddly convinced that hes telling the truth about the condom.
Even if he wore a condom though, which he probably didnt, because in my experience, blokes try and get out of wearing one at the first opportunity, but, lets say he did wear one, and it split or it wasnt put on right or he got jizz on his hands or whatever, IF the baby turns out to be his, then hes still liable.

If you want men to be able to say, ahh actually, yeah i dont want that baby so youve got to have an abortion. Is that really what you think women deserve? You think thats fair?

this is a high price to pay for a random meaningless sexual encounter.

Isn't it! It would almost bring home the serious consequences of a ONS. If the sexual encounter is so meaningless perhaps it should be foregone next time if he's going to react with such astonishment when sex leads to pregnancy. Someone ought to write a letter of complaint and address it to the general manager of the universe.

Presumably you'd prefer that the woman was left with the options of a similar life sentence (hard life as a single parent without support) or a termination. Presumably you'd prefer that no other choice was open to her because introducing any other choice would prevent men from being able to have their fun and walk away?

What I think is very odd is being a woman having a baby by a ONS, a complete stranger.

I very much doubt it was planned.

Termination is not a choice everyone can or should make. Men should proceed as if it doesn't exist because they have no right to expect it and the well-being of any children will far exceed the importance of their list freedom.

Lost freedom

He absolutely has a choice. His choice is just at a different point.

While I do think women are unlucky in that we have to bear the burden of pregnancy and birth if we want children, I also think we’re lucky that, in the UK at least, in that we have options if faced with an unwanted pregnancy.

I can well understand why someone wouldn’t automatically love or want to be involved with a child they didn’t want, but were compelled to have. It’s only right that a man cannot force an abortion or adoption, and it’s right that he should pay child support instead of leaving the state to pick up the tab, but I wouldn’t, and don’t, judge men that are unwilling to do more than that.

And women who also want nothing to do with their own biological children? How do you feel about them?

They can have an abortion which thousands are preformed each year, there was 209,917 abortions in the U.K. in 2020, let’s not act like women don’t opt out of being a parent just as much if not more than men.

Maybe they want to experience a pregnancy without the hassle of raising kids?

Everyone has a choice.

It might not be the exact same choice as a woman because our bodies are biologically different but he still had a choice, he could have not had sex or had the snip, that's his right and his choice. If he didn't choose either of the options available to him as a man, then that's on him.