To not want to be felt up when reading stories to dc

[Notledbybaby]

I might be being over sensitise but this keeps happening. I’m in bed and kids come in with a book and I start reading it to them, meanwhile DH is feeling my bum up. It makes me feel a bit sick tbh.

Also my youngest shoves her hand down my top a lot, DH makes comments like oh I like doing that too.

I don’t think he should be doing that - AIBU?

Putting aside the OH problem, those posters who say the OP should say NO to her child if she tries to get at her boobs is wrong I feel. Why not say "Oh dear, milk all gone now", with a shrug and a hug. One DGD took comfort from DD's breast when she was sad or upset long after feeding had stopped. Can't see a problem with that.

@LampLighter414

This. Tell him. Make it clear. Make it clear at the time. Then if he won’t stop it’s very wrong.

But come to Mumsnet where you will be told it’s assault, child abuse and you should contact the police? I swear people here are out of touch with reality. Can you imagine? “Officer my husband has assaulted me”, “what did he do”, “he touched my bum gently” “then what’” “nothing” “did you tell him you didn’t want him to?” “No” “mam a car has been dispatched to your husbands place of business and we are placing you under witness protection”

What a surprise to see the Usual Suspects popping up to minimise SA/DA.

@Tamzo85 - if a man groped you, & you told him to stop, & he ignored you & continued to help himself at will - that would be sexual assault. The fact that you might be living with or married to that man does not change his lack of respect, or your lack of consent.

You often appear to have very little empathy for women, but I wonder - is it just a lack of imagination? Because if you cannot imagine how distressing it is to be treated like a piece of meat, grabbed, groped, sexually commented upon - & then told off for objecting to it, & your wishes ignored ... maybe you should furrow up your little brow & concentrate very hard on what that might feel like to live with before making yet another asinine post blaming women's reactions instead of men's behaviours.

It might also stop you from looking like a prize twit when you persistently act as an apologist for male entitlement.

Of course it's still sickening if DC are not around.
Men who barge past women's boundaries & touch them after being told not to are - at the very minimum - sex pests.

Yawn at the Straw Man.

It would be child abuse if their DC shoved their hands in daddy's trousers, & OP brightly remarked "oh, I like doing that!" to the child, yes.

HTH

He is sexualising his wife's breasts to his children @Tamzo85. If you can't see why that is wrong, then I hope you don't have children.

And enough with the 'hysteria'. It's women talking about having healthy boundaries.

@KettrickenSmiled

Did she tell him to stop? Does he know? It isn’t clear at all that he has actually been told and that instead of doing that (which she should), she hasn’t just come on here to vent.

@Straightupp - He doesn't know how to just give me a cuddle or ask if I'm ok or make me a cuppa (things I consider to be showing affection) his affection is bum/boobs groping, asking me touch him or putting my hands on him if I won't touch him when asked.

He doesn't know how to ask if you're ok?? That's a basic human response that my 12yo has mastered.

Surely you've told him what you want and don't want? What was his response?

@Tamzo85 do you really think it's ok for a man to touch up his wife while she reads the children a story? That it's absolutely fine for him to do that unless she explicitly says no? (She has already said she pushes his hands away).

Whether it's 'normal' is beside the point. If you don't like something, have made it clear you don't & your partner continues it, it's problematic. He is disregarding your boundaries & feelings & abusing you.

P
lease don't stay with anyone who has so little regard or respect for you.

@NerrSnerr

I need more info before I judge it. There’s a difference between hand resting on bum or gently touching and full on obviously leading to sex groping. It’s fine not to be okay with the first - but you need to say so to him rather than just come on here and post about it.

People acting like it’s the same as some random man on the street doing it are being absurd. People touch in marriage without asking every single time - well except in Mumsnet fantasies.

Tell him he's a pervert to get sexually aroused in the presence of his young daughter.

While I might not use the word pervert, I'd make it abundantly clear that it's weird and sickening. He might also need to know that it's beyond a turn off, and that the thought of having sex with him after he's done that in front of your kids makes you feel sick.

Disgusting, I know your child isn't aware, but surely it's an unwritten rule not to be sexual with your children present.
And he must stop making remarks like that to your daughter and you should probably start discouraging her to put her hands down your top.

People touch in marriage without asking every single time
You're conflating "touching" with "unwelcome groping" & you damn well know it @Tamzo85 - are you enjoying goading women who have been subjected to unwelcome sex pestery? Domestic SA?

I need more info before I judge it
OP doesn't need your pompous judgement - she has her own. The groping & sexual comments are unwelcome to HER. That is her own sound judgement, based on - being the person who lives inside her own body. Not yours.
Whether YOU consider it problematic or not is 100% irrelevant.
Unless you are offering to go & get groped by proxy for her, to give her a break? No? Don't fancy it? Stop being so unreasonable! It's only a man wanting to "touch" you without your consent, why are you being so "hysterical"?

@KettrickenSmiled

Whatever… the main point is that in marriage people touch and sometimes one person may not be receptive to that - but they really need to say so so the other person knows. OP has not made it clear that she has. It’s different from just some bloke on the street trying it on and you know it.

No. Because from reading the forums it's abundantly clear many posters here are a weird group of their own, and don't represent normal humanity and society.

In marriage partners touch one another without being specifically invited or first signing a consent form. And it goes both ways. In a healthy relationship partners and spouses have the hots for one another.

And groping a bum is hardly 10th base sexual behaviour. Like: omg children, oh no, they might see a bum touch.

I mean come on, ffs get a life.

As I previously wrote, unless the OP has clearly expressed that she doesn't want him to do it ever, he did nothing wrong.

@AstroSurf

“No. Because from reading the forums it's abundantly clear many posters here are a weird group of their own, and don't represent normal humanity and society.

lol, 💯.😀

@bloodyunicorns no I honestly can't remember the last time he ever asked me how i am, i just dont think he cares. I ask how he is but still he never asks about me afterwards like people usually do!
I've told him of course that I don't like it but all I get in response is that I should be grateful he still fancies me and wants to touch me all the time!

what do you mean “make it about sexual abuse”? It is sexual abuse.

It is also a very common behaviour amongst narcissistic and controlling men, a way of asserting ownership and dominance, of always putting themselves first no matter how inappropriate.

There is nothing affectionate about this behaviour (to the abuse and incest apologists on this thread)

Sorry OP but it is very close to incest, that merging of parenting and sexual connection. You are married to a controlling pervert.

I agree with you. And I’m so fortunate to be single. (I know not all men behave like this but mine did)

I didn’t say it wasn’t sexual abuse.

I said that it’s bad enough that it’s just unwanted touching of the OP. It doesn’t have to be ‘child abuse’ to not be ok.

He isn't touching the child so he isn't a pedophile. Inappropriate definitely, but involving the OP, not the child.

Christ on a bike. Some of the responses on this thread are beyond ludicrous overreaction. Accusing the OPs DH of being a paedophile? Really?

I imagine the OP just wanted help with how to tell her DH not to behave in a sexual way towards her while she had their kids with her. Instead, she’s had an escalating series of responses culminating in her DH being a paedophile.

How is it so hard for posters on here to offer measured advice rather than the nuclear option?

Loginmystery · 15/05/2022 21:51

"I agree with you. And I’m so fortunate to be single. (I know not all men behave like this but mine did)"

Imagine if a man said (as many unfortunately do), "I'm so fortunate to be single. I know not all women behave like this but mine did." Would that go down well here or would that cause most of the Mumsnetters to condemn him as a misogynist?

Inappropriate

is he getting sexual kicks from doing this in front of the kids ?