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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to be felt up when reading stories to dc

161 replies

Notledbybaby · 15/05/2022 09:02

I might be being over sensitise but this keeps happening. I’m in bed and kids come in with a book and I start reading it to them, meanwhile DH is feeling my bum up. It makes me feel a bit sick tbh.

Also my youngest shoves her hand down my top a lot, DH makes comments like oh I like doing that too.

I don’t think he should be doing that - AIBU?

OP posts:
AstroSurf · 15/05/2022 11:56

Unless you've been really clear and he's ignoring your boundaries, YABU. Very U. There's nothing abnormal or sickening about a husband getting hands with his wife.

darisdet · 15/05/2022 11:56

It's really inappropriate. He needs to be told it can't happen again.

misssatan · 15/05/2022 11:56

Whatwouldscullydo · 15/05/2022 09:54

"I feel the same way about hand holding too. I dont heed help crossing the road I'm a grown woman. And what's with that stupid smile as you grabbed ny hand.
You may as will piss up my leg. Fuck off again."

Wow, smiling and wanting to hold your hand as you cross the road is the same as pissing up your leg?

I feel sorry for him.

BoDerek · 15/05/2022 12:00

AstroSurf · 15/05/2022 11:56

Unless you've been really clear and he's ignoring your boundaries, YABU. Very U. There's nothing abnormal or sickening about a husband getting hands with his wife.

This place seems to have been overrun with sleazy men 🤨

LaingsAcidTab · 15/05/2022 12:01

It is jealousy and ownership. It must stop.

DolphinaPD · 15/05/2022 12:10

Notledbybaby · 15/05/2022 09:02

I might be being over sensitise but this keeps happening. I’m in bed and kids come in with a book and I start reading it to them, meanwhile DH is feeling my bum up. It makes me feel a bit sick tbh.

Also my youngest shoves her hand down my top a lot, DH makes comments like oh I like doing that too.

I don’t think he should be doing that - AIBU?

Ewwww

fairytwinkletastic · 15/05/2022 12:18

Agree! Weird and horrible. Also agree about handholding. Ick. Get off.

supersop60 · 15/05/2022 12:19

BoDerek · 15/05/2022 09:53

Isn’t it technically child abuse to engage in sexual activity in front of children?

Just what I was thinking.

TheFairyNamedMary · 15/05/2022 12:26

Time and place!
was your dd breastfed.. I’ve seen those that were try to get the milk even when bf has stopped. If you don’t want this wear a high neck top for a while and say No, when she does it. As for your dh tell him straight to back off. No need for your kids to see him grope you as and when he wants to.he sounds like a jealous nightmare

Lockheart · 15/05/2022 12:26

He's not a child sex offender or an incestuous paedophile.

His behaviour is unwanted and needs to stop.

Have you told him clearly you don't want him doing this and is he still continuing, OP? He needs to respect your boundaries.

boymum9 · 15/05/2022 12:26

My ex h was like this and it is part of the reason that I left him, it was just behaviour that contributed to not wanting to be with that person.

He wouldn't leave me alone and would be touching me and grabbing me at everything (inappropriate) opportunity. Also make comments and I didn't want that behaviour displayed around young dc, he didn't see the issue, it never stopped. I had resided myself to thinking maybe all men were that way.

I am now with someone that has never failed to always respect my body, who we're around, when something is appropriate, reading the situation, it is a huge relief.

Speak to him, make clear how you feel, if he has any respect for you he will stop

whiskyjarsafilling · 15/05/2022 12:30

AstroSurf · 15/05/2022 11:56

Unless you've been really clear and he's ignoring your boundaries, YABU. Very U. There's nothing abnormal or sickening about a husband getting hands with his wife.

Yeah, that merging of sexual contact with your wife and cosy time with the young kids is perfectly normal and not at all sickening Hmm

YouHaveYourFathersBreasts · 15/05/2022 12:30

My (abusive) ex did stuff like this all the time, didn’t matter how many times I would tell him (not ask him) to stop he just didn’t. He was definitely jealous of our children and the attention I gave them.

Rinoachicken · 15/05/2022 12:30

@Straightupp my ex was exactly like that. And would act all hurt and upset if I told him to stop - after all, he was just ‘being affectionate’ and here I was ‘rejecting his love.’

I didn’t want to hurt his feelings so it carried on. Had developed into full on raping me before I was finally able to see it for the abuse it was.

Its the thin edge of the wedge - it starts with them feeling they have the right to touch you sexually whenever they what in whatever situation they want in front of whoever they want - and if you object it’s YOU who in the wrong, the bad guy, the unreasonable one…the longer it goes on and the more confident they become…where does it end…?

Whatwouldscullydo · 15/05/2022 12:37

misssatan · 15/05/2022 11:56

Whatwouldscullydo · 15/05/2022 09:54

"I feel the same way about hand holding too. I dont heed help crossing the road I'm a grown woman. And what's with that stupid smile as you grabbed ny hand.
You may as will piss up my leg. Fuck off again."

Wow, smiling and wanting to hold your hand as you cross the road is the same as pissing up your leg?

I feel sorry for him.

Don't.

He regularly chose everything over spending time with us as a family. I took them.everywhere on my own. And he suddenly wanted to appear to care on the rare occasion we took a walk into town together? Fuck that.

BoDerek · 15/05/2022 13:06

Lockheart · 15/05/2022 12:26

He's not a child sex offender or an incestuous paedophile.

His behaviour is unwanted and needs to stop.

Have you told him clearly you don't want him doing this and is he still continuing, OP? He needs to respect your boundaries.

Turns out he is 🤔

To not want to be felt up when reading stories to dc
Nanny0gg · 15/05/2022 13:10

Fairislefandango · 15/05/2022 09:56

100% my DP thinks he is being affectionate.

This excuse works once. Then, when these men have been clearly told that it is not taken as a sign of affection, why don't they stop? That's a rhetorical question - we all know why they don't stop.

What I don't know is why it happens more than once.

Nanny0gg · 15/05/2022 13:10

Straightupp · 15/05/2022 09:15

My DP is EXACTLY the same, I've told him it's not normal and not to do it but he doesn't see it as a problem.
He'll want me to touch him when DC isn't looking or say she's too young to understand anyway, I think its massively inappropriate.
He continues to do it and I just have to move away or push him away everytime as he doesn't listen to no.
I know how you feel!

Why are you with him?

SoggyPaper · 15/05/2022 13:12

I don’t think we need to make it about child abuse for this to be a big problem and not ok.

i know it isn’t the intention, but it does feel a bit like ‘yes, ok it’s unwanted contact for you… but it’s bad because: children’.

it is just not ok because it’s not ok. Any additional issues related to the children might exacerbate it, but it wouldn’t be ok if they didn’t have children at all and he was ‘just’ grabbing her while she tried to put on a load of washing or whatever.

MayorDusty · 15/05/2022 13:13

AstroSurf · 15/05/2022 11:56

Unless you've been really clear and he's ignoring your boundaries, YABU. Very U. There's nothing abnormal or sickening about a husband getting hands with his wife.

Y'know all these replies from women saying they don't like it, it's sickening and abnormal... do they even make you wonder? Just a tiny doubt?

Tamzo85 · 15/05/2022 13:20

Stompythedinosaur · 15/05/2022 09:41

That is disgusting. Does he need to go back to the basics on the concept of consent?

Does he? It’s pretty common to touch your spouse without asking every time. The real question is has OP actually told him how bothered she is?

SparklingStars10 · 15/05/2022 13:25

I don’t think it’s sickening if our children aren’t around but with kids around and hands in places children shouldn’t see and then the husbands comments in response to the child putting her hands down her Mums top, is just NO!

Tamzo85 · 15/05/2022 13:29

She should tell him to stop and he should but all those saying child abuse? Really?

So would it be child abuse if she patted him on the bum or put her hand in his jeans pocket and the kids happened to see? The hysteria on this site is unbelievable at times.

queenmeadhbh · 15/05/2022 13:29

Notledbybaby · 15/05/2022 11:34

Er yes

Show quote history

I don’t know why the “er”, your OP just says that he’s your husband and that you have children, they could be from a previous relationship. I was asking because if they are not his children there would be literally no reason not to give him the boot. As he is your childrens’ father you probably would rather not divorce him. I agree with PP that you should tell him that what he is doing is assaulting you and abusing his children. His response will tell you all you need to know.

Tamzo85 · 15/05/2022 13:31

VestaTilley · 15/05/2022 09:56

What the actual hell? This is assault.

Is he getting aroused from doing this to you while your CHILDREN are in bed with you? That comment to your daughter as well - completely inappropriate way for a parent to talk to a child.

Leave him, and take your children with you.

@VestaTilley

Yeah I don’t think man touching his wife’s bum really is going to go to court as assault.