To not want to be felt up when reading stories to dc

[Notledbybaby]

I might be being over sensitise but this keeps happening. I’m in bed and kids come in with a book and I start reading it to them, meanwhile DH is feeling my bum up. It makes me feel a bit sick tbh.

Also my youngest shoves her hand down my top a lot, DH makes comments like oh I like doing that too.

I don’t think he should be doing that - AIBU?

I’m not obsessed with the baby obviously. It’s just that babies have lots of, very immediate, needs. Toddlers require attention, vigilance and support.

I mean, their fathers could … oh, I don’t know … actually do some of the work rather than complaining that they aren’t getting enough attention or acting in stupid, inappropriate (and annoying!) ways. Then the toddler wouldn’t need so much of my attention and effort.

In the end, the toddler is less hard work than his father. Apart from anything else, he’s got an excuse for being ridiculous and unreasonable. And I can pick him up and just put him where he needs to be if necessary.

I’m his version of events ‘women and their children’ ruin relationships.

I’ve concluded that he should not have had children at all. Because he’s fundamentally too selfish to actually put their needs first.

Ugh - so many people tolerating this crap. Tbh it's the reason I'm single and have been essentially for the last 9 years , it really is hugely common unfortunately. OP I do think you need to verbalise how you feel about this. If it immediately stops then fair enough. Maybe he'll apologise as he truly thought he was being fun and affectionate and will see the error of his ways (unlikely). More likely he will try and make you feel awful for rejecting his 'love' and you'll need to decide how to proceed.

@SoggyPaper are you still with this man?

@Notledbybaby OP, is he the father of your children?

My husband used to do this (not in front of the children, though, that's next stage disgusting!). I did used to push back on it but get all the pathetic excuses back about being affectionate, just showing he fancied me, etc. But with the benefit of hindsight, I can see that it was part of a pattern of abusive behaviour in which his wants were always prioritised over mine. I became so worn down because he was so damn good at making me feel like I was the unreasonable one. I don't know whether this is true in your relationship but it's worth considering.

Looking back I also realise that he didn't do it early in the relationship, so he obviously didn't really think it was a sign of affection, he waited until I was already worn down.

No. We are separated.

For very obvious reasons.

YANBU. This sounds incestuous and creepy. I’d have a strong word with him about this. If he laughs it off instead of just apologising then I’d be very concerned at that point.

He wants a jolly good slap

Eeewww. Totally inappropriate.

Its more worrying that he feels ok to get aroused in the same bed his kids are in!

In olden days ladies were advised that a hat pin was an effective deterrent against unwanted wandering hands on the omnibus , ok well maybe not a hat pin but a sharp pinch might reinforce the message……..

Oh that is terrible. Yanbu.

I hit the wrong answer. I meant to say you are not venting unreasonable.
the kids doing it is normal. Especially if you’ve fed them. My dc would sometimes ask if I still had milk when they were toddlers after I’d stopped feeding. But dh groping you while the kids are there is awful

This. It’s practically exhibitionism with his own DC. It makes my skin crawl thinking about it. Yuk.

I’ll never understand why people make jokes on threads of such a serious nature. Grow up.

Me Sex Pest needs to be told in no uncertain terms to fuck off. His behaviour is highly inappropriate and I think it’s very concerning he believes he can molest you anytime he likes.

I’d sit him down when dc are in bed and explain he must not ever do this again for all the reasons you have said here. There is only one acceptable response from him which is “sorry, I won’t do this again.” Anything else out of his mouth would lead to a very different conversation.

Er yes

You're touched out. Happens with kids. It's very often I have to say sternly to my husband or child "just do not touch me right now I am touched out and stressed". They are both tactile, my 6 year old owned my boobs for four years and still thinks they're hers, touching them.

You HAVE to be forceful around your boundaries and it's okay to tell children off when they touch you when you don't want to be touched.

It's not okay to touch someone who does not want to be touched, and we also need to teach our children this for their own and others' safety.

And there is definitely no hint or incest, it’s just because we are in bed.

I do really dislike it but it isn’t that.

Any touching around children is not on, so he needs to stop! I’m not sure how old your daughter is but why is she putting her hand down your top? You need to address this too.

In fact the whole situation is bizarre how your husband makes comments when your daughter puts her hand down your top, this is just bloody weird and completely not normal. This is coming across as sexual abuse.

Gross its because youre in bed? so anytime is a good time is it

pathetic man

The phrase ‘he just doesn’t hear no’ is so chilling honestly

I would not tolerate this at all.

A loud and forceful "STOP THAT" could work. Yes, I'd even say that in front of the children, as I would bet good money that they have noticed this going on, even if they are quite young at the moment

I wouldn't worry at all about hurting his feelings, as he clearly isn't worried about disrespecting your boundaries and hurting yours.

If he simply couldn't stop it he'd be out of the door.