Straightening a young child's hair

[LovingGrandma]

My daughter -in-law has straightened my six year old granddaughter's hair in at least three occasions. I feel really uncomfortable about this on so many levels, but mainly I am concerned that she will cause permanent damage to her hair. I have tried gently to point this out to her, but she is completely disregarding what I have said. I feel really sad about it, and bad that I can't protect my granddaughter. I would welcome the thoughts of mums with children of a similar age. Am I being silly? But most of all thank you for allowing me to get this off my chest.

If it's with a hairdryer then that's ok. But she should not be using chemicals as this will damage her hair and could lead to health issues later on in life such as fibroids, hormonal issue and yes even cancer. Encourage her to learn how to use protective hairstyles and Black hair products that will keep her mane in great condition and will be easier to manage. There are a million YouTube tutorials available. As. Mixed woman I dumped chemicals years ago and learned to love my frizzy glorious hair and hopefully your GD will too

I think the grandchild being mixed heritage means there is more here than “straightening hair for fun and seeing what it looks like” which i agree is pretty much harmless. I agree OP can’t tell her DIL how to raise her GD, but if OP is from the non white side of the GD’s heritage then maybe DIL should be listening about how to care for that hair type, and issues relating to hair, that community faces from OP as OP will have faced issues that will come up for being a woman that minority which DIL can’t instruct her on. That may not be the issue here, OP hasn’t given a lot of detail and it may be she’s getting to involved but to those saying “its just hair it grows back” it can be more complex

It’s not daily. It won’t ruin her hair, i’d just stay out of it. You’ve given your opinion, your DIL doesn’t want to stop straightening it, it’s hardly putting your granddaughter at risk, so just do or say nothing. Not your child.

With more info your concerns re protection make more sense OP. Hence why you’ve copped some MIL interference stuff as they seemed a bit excessive without more context. I can see your difficulty in not wanting to interfere yet being concerned about protecting DGD from future issues yr DIL may not be even aware of. Suppose it depends on what yr relationship is like with yr DIL? Can/do you talk much in a personal way? Being MIL puts you in a much trickier territory I’m sure. How does yr DIL respond when you compliment DGD’s hair when it’s styled like that? (Suggesting a compliment as a way in so DIL doesn’t get defensive - not saying to encourage it if it isn’t right for her hair obvs). Is she sensitive to the topic/proud of DD’s hair/dismissive/frustrated by it/none of the above? Has she ever mentioned it herself in any way even in passing? Your DIL may actually be glad of some input & doesn’t actually know there are other ways she can manage DD’s hair. Is she close with anyone else in the family like SIL? Difficult OP.

It is difficult to know where to draw the line in terms of safeguarding vs interfering.

Sorry but straightening hair, even curly hair, is nowhere near any line for safeguarding. YABU for even mentioning the word on such a post. My dc are also mixed heritage. Dd1 is wavy and straightens her hair most days and her hair is in lovely condition. Dd2 has incredibly curly hair and actually apart from once as a toddler has never actually asked me to straighten it, but if she did I would. It just needs a wash to go back to normal. No big deal!