Straightening a young child's hair

[LovingGrandma]

My daughter -in-law has straightened my six year old granddaughter's hair in at least three occasions. I feel really uncomfortable about this on so many levels, but mainly I am concerned that she will cause permanent damage to her hair. I have tried gently to point this out to her, but she is completely disregarding what I have said. I feel really sad about it, and bad that I can't protect my granddaughter. I would welcome the thoughts of mums with children of a similar age. Am I being silly? But most of all thank you for allowing me to get this off my chest.

I would never do it to a child that age but at the same time it is completely a parent's choice.

Thinking back, my daughter wasn't much older when I started crimping her hair - at her request.

Stop interfering or your DIL will do more than disregard your (unreasonable) wishes

YABU. straightening her child's hair on 3 occasions doesn't make a blind bit of difference. Of course a 6 year old should be able to try nee styles and experiment every now and again. Of course she should disregard what you're saying.

Ringlets, mum’s heated rollers, crimpers (the best!) then a demi wave perm at 11! Just playing & having hair temporarily that isn’t your natural texture. She’s not making her grow up too quickly or anything it’s part & parcel of being a child. I guess same with ear piercing - some people have strong views on what age is appropriate, but at least with hair it’s not permanent. Let her enjoy it!

Seriously!? 🤣 protect her? One day she might wear make up & god forbid a bra!!

You really need to keep your thoughts to yourself on this. It is so trivial in the grand scheme of things, yet could cause resentment from your DIL and ultimately even your granddaughter. My MIL always interfered with and commented on my parenting when DS1 was small and it just drove a huge wedge between us. He's 13 now and she REALLY dislikes his long hair. He doesn't care. He's not that close to her.

Yes, I think you are being silly.
I straightened my DDs hair for the first time when she was 3! I was meant to be curling it, but couldn’t work out how.
The occasional straightening of her hair is not going to damage it long term or even short term.
My main consideration would be whether she is mature enough to sit still when her mum tells her to and not to touch the straighteners.

There is something nice about fussing over a girls hair. Especially in my male dominated household, mucking about with hair was a nice bonding time. And I’ve ironed ringlets into and also straightened little girls hair since they were 3 or 4. My step daughter especially loved the attention, her mum was always too drunk and messed up to bother but she and my daughter definitely enjoyed playing salon at my house . And you realise that girls who enjoy playing at glamour and being beautiful aren’t more likely to become promiscuous or ‘tarty’ later on, infact it’s generally accepted that girls that feel special and beautiful have higher standards. And also it’s not bad for the hair at all .

You'd have loved my mum

I had home perms from the age of about 6 as she loathed my poker straight hair.

This was back in the 1960s.

Parents have always played about with their children's hair. At least now it's not with horrible harsh chemicals

I used to straighten my Dd's hair occasionally when she was that age and younger.
I can assure you that at 20 her hair has not been permanently damaged, which is obvious really since she doesn't have those same strands of hair now.
Honestly, it's nine of your business.

It depends on how old the child is I suppose. Young childrens’ hair can be very delicate and straitening irons like GHDs can get really hot.

I personally wouldn’t use them on my little girl’s hair. She has long hair and I have been thinking of getting some Velcro rollers to put in her hair to curl it for her but I wouldn’t use straighteners or a heated curling wand because I think her hair is too delicate.

My own hair is quite fine and I managed to singe off a large chunk of it when I used a curling tong on it years ago.

Unless your granddaughter is a doll I wouldn't worry about permanent damage. I don't even know how you can get to grandmother age without realising that new hair keeps growing out of a person's head? The hair you have at 6 is not the hair you have at 20....

Does the child want it done?

I have memories of tongs heated on the gas ring, rollers to sleep in and rags.

If the child is happy I see no problem as long as it is straighteners not chemicals.

Don’t be rude and interfering, it’s perfectly fine and not your kid and none of your business anyway. I remember two of my friends as children at school some 30-40 years ago used to get their hair curled at that age and now they still have hair and it’s all fine.

You need to take a giant step back and remember you are a grandparent, not a parent and do not get a say in her upbringing.

I have very fine hair, never once singed it off with any type of heated hair device.
Did it several times in my younger years lighting cigarettes off the gas cooker ring though....

I'd be impressed that a small child can sit still that long tbh.

I think YABU about the straightening - it won't permanently damage her hair, hair grows, it is cut, it grows some more.

I'd be interested in knowing the context though - if its for fun, for messing about, for a change, for her to experiment with different looks - fine, that is surely as normal as other hair styles, dressing up etc.

IF there is any 'i HAVE to have straight hair to be pretty/attractive/be friends with a specific person' or 'my natural hair is wild/messy/untidy and thats bad'.. then yes that is a problem.

I desperately wanted straight hair as a kid, I had absolutely wild curls, my hair used to eat stuff.. and I had no idea how to make the best of it or what to do with it and my bloooooooody mother brushed it into oblivion and a frizzy awful mess as she had no idea either.

I think if I'd been able to play around with straightening it but also, been taught how best to manage curly hair and what worked with it, I'd have been far far happier, but I was mostly bullied into having it cut short as it is 'so unruly and wild and scruffy'.. ugh!

Do you mean chemically? You are getting a bit of a roasting and if you mean chemicals, I would agree with you.

I think blowing a child's hair straight looks very adult, but I loved it when my mom put my hair on sponge rollers at night and I had curls in the morning. I do it with my 5-year-old.

But chemicals would give me pause.

Ooops Wrong thread

Yabu. Big time u

Hiya @Ilovenutellaaaaa
I’ve hidden that post and HQ can delete later

Personally, I don’t like fussing over the appearance of young children. I think it sends the wrong messages.

I also never straightened my DD’s hair growing up because she is mixed race and I wanted her to have pride in her natural hair and not get the message that straight hair was more desirable, as well as the fact straightening irons are damaging to hair.

However, you can’t tell other people what to do with their children’s hair. That’s the bottom line.

Three times is hardly going to give her hair like shredded wheat.

I'm surprised you're getting a lot of these responses, I'm assuming mainly based on the fact you are the MIL.... If an OP posted I like to straighten my six year old's hair aibu they may get different reactions.
Personally I wouldn't like it either, but I also don't like piercings, nail varnish, make up on young girls, they will find out soon enough that society objectifies them why encourage it. My 6 year old DN has had make up sets from about the after of 3, no one ever bought similar for my son. Teaching little girls their value is in their appearance doesn't sit well with me.
Ultimately though you've raised it and it didn't go well, there's not much you can do other than teach her about females known for things other than their appearance.
Above DN once told me football was for boys, at 4, and her DM told her she couldn't have the batman swimsuit she wanted as it wasn't for girls (they were looking for a swimsuit it wasn't a random request). Mind you she is also growing up in a household where her father doesn't even know how to use their washing machine.

This is a complete non issue. Wind your neck in.