Straightening a young child's hair

[LovingGrandma]

My daughter -in-law has straightened my six year old granddaughter's hair in at least three occasions. I feel really uncomfortable about this on so many levels, but mainly I am concerned that she will cause permanent damage to her hair. I have tried gently to point this out to her, but she is completely disregarding what I have said. I feel really sad about it, and bad that I can't protect my granddaughter. I would welcome the thoughts of mums with children of a similar age. Am I being silly? But most of all thank you for allowing me to get this off my chest.

why not?

I am a grandmother and would have nothing to say about this because it is a non-problem. Mums and daughters often mess about doing fun things to their hair - not a problem.

I zip the lip all the time - but luckily I have no reason not to. However one DD has had DGDs ears pierced and this is the first time I have felt uncomfortable about anything they have done. Their child, their choice, so I stay silent and just tell her how pretty she looks. Not mutilating children's bodies is a bit of a hobbyhorse of mine and I realise it is not always in step with general views, so I keep mouth firmly shut.

Is your child of African descent? Is your Mum saying that she wants DGD to be proud of her heritage and her hair?

Personally, my DS also liked having his nails painted and his hair straightened sometimes when he was young!

You want to protect her from having her hair styled?

Maybe I'm just bitter cause nobody protected me from the goddamn awful Bob's and full fridge my mother insisted I had but I don't think you can get involved because you don't like the styling.

I'm assume the child wants her hair straightened, so why not? Better to listen to how the child wants her hair eh.

Oh FGS, she’s straightening her hair not giving her a tattoo. Protecting her? Give over. 🙄

Definitely a reverse, I can SENSE it.

Pumperthepumper

Definitely a reverse, I can SENSE it.

Good point. That would explain the emotive wording.

As a MIL, who are the lowest of the low according to MN, you are not allowed any opinion about your granddaughter but what you can do is show her another world. Read to her, take her to an art gallery or a theatre, talk to her about brave, intelligent and honourable women. She should be introduced to a world of enchantment and curiosity not enhancement and cosmetics.

I love Mumsnet. I had no idea that using hair straighteners means you can’t like art or theatre 😂

What’s wrong with straightening child’s hair? Many little girls want curls done, so why can’t it be styled the other way? It won’t damage her hair.

If she’s straightening it daily and generally putting a lot of emphasis on the importance of looks, clothes etc, then that’s one thing. But this sounds like she’s done it a few times as a bit of fun, which is completely fine! It’s also just not your place to say anything- it’s her parents decision.

Thank you all for your thoughts.
There is much there that I agree with. In many of your comments you have touched upon what I meant by 'on so many levels'. It is also true that my GD is of mixed heritage.
I guess that if I were the stereotypical MIL that so many of you want to characterise me as I wouldn't have bothered to reflect on this, with your help - I would perhaps just have rushed in to say something.
To clarify 'protection', I just meant in terms of permanent damage to hair. She has very fine curly hair that is taking a long time to grow. I don't believe that our children are 'ours' and so it doesn't sit well with me to think that as parents we can make decisions when they are too young to really make a choice for themselves which they then have to fix later, if they can! Unfortunately I seem to know many people who now struggle with hair that was over this, that or the other when they were younger. Fine, if it was actually their choice.
Posts like this are necessarily short and so, of course, you are not hearing the full story.
It is difficult to know where to draw the line in terms of safeguarding vs interfering. It may not be on the same level, but I think we can all think of cases where we wish that wider family had had the courage to speak up, sadly.
Many of you will be GPs and MILs one day. You can then tell me where that invisible line was when you changed from a concerned and loving parent to an interfering old bag! I know I haven't changed. Weird how some people's perceptions of me have.

On 3 occasions? When the kid has probably said "can you do my hair like yours mummy"? Then yes, I think it's fine. My DC sometimes where make up and nail varnish - because they want to be like me, not because I want them to look a certain way.

*wear

I agree, though I accept the OP cannot rightly do much about this, I detest "adulting" little children. Let them be children FGS, childhood is so precious and so short..... there will be years of hair styling and tinkering to come, let them play and learn about themselves first.

It's not worth getting worked up about.
My dm used to curl my hair-at my request, with those heated curlers. I loved having my hair played with (still do) and would love it. I wasn't actually bothered about the results, just loved the having it done.

My dd used to have her hair straightened by a teenage babysitter, she'd also do a little bit of make up. Again, she loved playing with it, so much my MIL bought her her own straightener...
Now at 18yo she rarely uses the straightener and I can't remember the last time she wore make up except on stage. She has recently dyed her hair. Maybe if I'd let her do that when she was 6yo she also wouldn't be bothered now.

Not if it's an odd occasion but absolutely will if it starts to become a regular thing. I used to straighten mine daily and it all ended up snapping off.

Oh please! I straightened DD’s hair a few times when she was that age and it absolutely didn’t do anything to her perception of the world. Since then she has even been to museums and galleries and knows what a strong woman is, some mad posts on here

I’ve straightened mine practically every day since I was 15 and my hair is in fab condition! I always use heat protector spray and have regular trims, it’s fine.

She's 6. My daughter is 6.

I've done her hair with straighteners and curlers, let her put makeup on, she has a makeup kit, and she paints her nails.

It's all fun for them, they are just imitating mummy.

There is no way I will ever impress upon my daughter that she needs to look a certain way. I don't worry about it because I'm a big influence in her life and will be teaching her about beauty standards and its politics. She can play with hair and makeup.

I take care of her hair too, conditioner and a nice shampoo and infrequent treatments.

Your granddaughter's hair will be fine, and even if it all got completely ruined, new hair would grow that was fine again. I ruined my hair badly a couple of times in my youth, just had to cut it all off and start again.

You're not her parent. Both parents are apparently fine with it. So you need to mind your own.

She is changing it not to 'improve' her apoerance but to look different sometimes. Akin to wearing hair in plaits one day and pony tail the next, ot wearing different clothes. Nobody wears the dame cloyhes every day, because they want a change

Nightmare MIL

Mine too. In fact, he's 11 now and growing his hair and he loves nothing better than letting his little sister mess with it, put hair bands in etc. Always painted his nails too, and used to love his teenage big sister putting makeup on him. It didn't remotely bother me.

I've straightened 5yo dd's hair a few times. I've not insisted on it, she has. She watches me doing my own and wants to copy me. Today she wanted me to paint her nails too. It's just dress up. Really don't know why you'd get upset about this.

Or perhaps she just cares about her grand-daughter's well-being?
What an unhelpful response