Straightening a young child's hair

[LovingGrandma]

My daughter -in-law has straightened my six year old granddaughter's hair in at least three occasions. I feel really uncomfortable about this on so many levels, but mainly I am concerned that she will cause permanent damage to her hair. I have tried gently to point this out to her, but she is completely disregarding what I have said. I feel really sad about it, and bad that I can't protect my granddaughter. I would welcome the thoughts of mums with children of a similar age. Am I being silly? But most of all thank you for allowing me to get this off my chest.

You need to let your son and dil parent as they see fit. It's not your place to decide what's right or wrong for their child. You would do better to be supportive and loving to all the family without judgment.

Permanently damage her hair? What utter nonsense! As for straightening hair a few times meaning 'you want to change her' (as another poster said) - how does making her hair briefly straighter change her any more than plaiting her hair or dressing her in a different outfit? I've never used straighteners in my life and it certainly wouldn't have occurred to me to straightmy dd's hair at any age, but I don't see the need to get so dramatic about it!

The hairdresser has straightened my daughter's hair (aged 4) the last couple of times. I was surprised but wasn't worried about damage as I get it cut quite regularly. I honestly don't see the issue and would personally stay out of it.

Op hair is already dead when it grows out of the head. You can't permanently damage it. The ends might split and go dry as mine did after too much bleaching. You just cut those ends off and the hair will grow back looking healthy again. However occasional straightening with modern straightners won't do that.
For those worried about changing a child's appearance, did you never get rags in create ringlets?

Hair isn't permanent, so a bit dramatic to think it will in any way damage her hair for life.

I'm a grandmother and this really wouldn't bother me.

Completely none of your business.
3 occasions is hardly every day.

I remember being about 5 and having rags put in my curls for Christmas or a special occasion. How is this different?

You are being ridiculous. I remember very clearly having a crimper in the 90s when I was about 8 and my mum crimping my hair for me for parties etc.

Does your DGD like having this done? And happy with the results?
I am old enough to remember the fashion for small children to have curly hair (think the child from a pears soap advert) and had to endure the chemical home perm every three months - there was one actually designed for children. Absolutely hated it as it meant having to sleep in curlers quite often.
The good news is it caused no permanent damage and my DC's hair was left as nature intended (just keeping clean, tidy and out of their eyes) which my DM didn't like (along with so many other things)
You can cause permanent damage by interfering with how your DC's want to bring up their own DC's.

I wouldn't worry about the damage, hair grows out, by the time she's an adult she will have grown a whole new head of hair several times over. But I do think straight hair is an adult beauty standard that she shouldn't be concerning herself with at that age.

Depends if the child is white or not. Try straightening curly or kinky hair- it can end up very damaged and knotty with split ends. I had to cut all mine off as a teen because a hot comb and straighteners were used since childhood.

Any child with very curly hair shouldn't be straightened. Wavy or straight hair will cope fine though.

You were surprised? So she just did it without your permission?

My son of a similar age asks for his hair to be straightened sometimes (he is very particular about his hair) I really don’t see the issue. I would strongly suggest not sayIng anything if my MIL did she would be told where to go, you really risk hurting your relationship.

Well back in the 80's we all used to get our hair crimped at a similar age which is the same as using straightners. My daughter got some hair wavers for her birthday and we do her hair for special occasions she also had a make up kit and will regularly come down on weekends with some badly applied eyeshadow etc. She doesn't go to school like this, we are not trying to make her into an over sexualised Lolita. It's just dressing up and fun. I don't see the problem with occasionally doing these things with children but then I do wear make up and do my hair myself sometimes. I should add that we are actully all quite outdoorsy and usually to be found in walking boots and raincoats so it's not as if she doesn't see me just looking like me most of the time.

I'm intrigued to know why you are uncomfortable on so many levels op. Sounds like you are a bit judgemental of your daughter in law to me.

It’s none of your business!
May DD is 7 and I’ve straightened her hair before. Usually to make it easier to do a complex hair style for a party. My DD was so excited and loved it!

My 6 year old occasionally asks me to plait her hair after a bath so it’s curly in the morning, is that ‘trying to change her’ too?
It’s hair. Children like to experiment. My 8 year old had hair nearly down to her bum which she’s just had cut into a bob at her request.
I have straightened their hair once when they saw me doing it and asked to have theirs done. I’m pretty sure it hasn’t caused them any lasting damage.

I remember having to sleep in hideously uncomfortable rollers when I was 5 as I was being a bridesmaid the next day and the bride wanted us to have curly hair!

I get the impression that OP is hoping the damage concern will fly when really thinks is either age inappropriate/too grown up /bad taste or something. Didn’t you ever put ringlets in your hair OP as a little girl?

Like PPs, I wondered if the fact that OP says this makes her "uncomfortable on many levels" may be related to race: for example, if the OP and her son are black and the DIL is white (especially if it's chemical straightening).
Hopefully the OP will return later to clarify.
I also agree with a PP that answers here are very much influenced by the fact that the OP is the father's mother, hence is the dreaded MIL.

I don’t see it as any different to when I used to have my hair crimped for the school disco or had it curled.

It’s effectively teaching her from a very young age that her natural hair is less attractive

This is my only issue with it. Kids take on board a lot under the surface. Same with curling hair. That said my primary school friends did crimp their hair for discos. (Not at six though).

I loved crimped hair! Wonder if that look will every make a comeback.

I loved having my hair crimped at that age in the 90s 😍 so exciting. But also now I’m a mum I would worry the same as you OP. Humans all full of contradictions and there is no right or wrong on this issue really!

Op,please come back and tell us the ethnicity of your granddaughter. People on this thread are being unnecessarily judgemental of you without knowing the full facts.Most people on this thread are white and only see and live the white experience, they are not even taking ethnicity into consideration.If your granddaughter isn't white ,they will never know the the self hate that can be internalised just because you have afro hair and most of your dolls and friends have European hair. Straightening can damage the curl pattern of afro hair.It takes pride and courage to get to adulthood with your natural afro hair.