Straightening a young child's hair

[LovingGrandma]

My daughter -in-law has straightened my six year old granddaughter's hair in at least three occasions. I feel really uncomfortable about this on so many levels, but mainly I am concerned that she will cause permanent damage to her hair. I have tried gently to point this out to her, but she is completely disregarding what I have said. I feel really sad about it, and bad that I can't protect my granddaughter. I would welcome the thoughts of mums with children of a similar age. Am I being silly? But most of all thank you for allowing me to get this off my chest.

I wouldn't do it personally, my son has really curly hair and I think curls are lovely. But there's no harm done really is there? My five year old neice has very curly hair and her mum occasionally straightens it or does different styles for her (plaits, lots of little buns, all that kind of thing) and I just see it as a bit of fun.

Makeup seems different to me but I can't actually pinpoint why...

Reverse, surely?

It’s just hair

Exactly this

My mum used to plait my hair wet and let it dry wavy as mine was poker straight. It didn't make me think she was trying to change me or that I thought I should have wavy hair to be pretty. It was just fun, just like getting a fringe or painting your nails. Temporary changes to play around with, like face paint at a fair.

It's a ridiculous practice on someone so young and yes it does damage the hair...we all know heat like this does, yanbu.

Yanbu. My sil straightened my 5 year olds hair without permission and I was unhappy. She had beautiful curly hair and can straighten it when she is older and asks for it to be done.

I blow dry and straighten my 7year olds hair. Nothing to do with curls or looking good but it is so thick it smooths it and makes it really easy to put in a ponytail or plaits for school.
Its below shoulder length so trimmed regularly.

i think straightening hair at such a young age is really strange - it’s not about the damage but about wanting to change them.

That's just silly. Since the dawn of time people have given their kids ringlets, plaits, pigtails, ponytails and curls.

It's not a permanent 'change' and goes back to normal the next day or after a wash.

I blow dry my daughters hair, I've used heated curlers on it, both use heat like straighteners. Why would this be in any way bad? Surely it's just normal?

If it was everyday use and her hair was breaking off then maybe you may have a point, but this is for her mother to decide.

Children often like to play around with their appearance and also like to copy their mums. It's just play to them, not wanting to permanently change themselves.

I remember having my hair curled in those bendy rollers (or rags) or crimped at that age, I don't see the difference in straightening it.
(I don't think straighteners were around much until I was about 20)

Hair and make up (as long as there's no sexualised styling, of course) is just 'dress up like Mummy' and of no consequence. I'm afraid that you have become 'that' mother in law.

If you want a positive relationship with your son and his family you are going to have to stop sharing your negative opinion on all matters relating to your granddaughter.

And your daughter with the wavy hair… that’s been in an entirely utilitarian cut her whole life, right?

My wavy haired daughter straightens hers, curls it, crimps it, plaits it, high ponys it, lots of other things it… it’s just fun.

My DD at that age loved dressing up, wearing make up, bows in her hair, glitter tattoos which couldn't be further from me, I hardly ever wear make up . They love trying out different styles and playing with clothes, hair and accessories. YABU.

I think a little differently to the other posters because I am black.Through the years black hair has only been accepted and seen as professional, when it is palatable to white people and made to look European.We have been made to feel ashamed of our hair and now alot of women wear wigs to hide it. Some black women even use harsh harmful products to chemically straighten their hair or their mother used a hot comb on the stove ,which could burn the scalp.Even now some afro hair styles used to protect our hair are classed as gang affiliated and inappropriate. I think people should be proud of the texture that grows naturally from their or their childs head.I know alot of girls (dual heritage or black)that had a complex about their hair and wanted it to be straight like their white mum's or white counterparts.I wouldn't be happy about the straightening either.

I think straightening hair at such a young age is really strange - it’s not about the damage but about wanting to change them.

It's no different to painting their nails or allowing them to try wearing a bit of your lipstick. Plenty of children - girls and boys - enjoy doing this now and again; it's just experimenting with the adult world and their own identity; the same as dressing up as a particular character or profession.

You’re assuming the child is white.

This was a HUGE Saturday night treat for me, pin curls or ringlets to leave in overnight.

Other girls in my class crimped their hair (1980s) but we didn't have a crimper.

I've straightened my six year old son's when it's been sticking up.

My 6 year old has really curly hair. She wants it straightened to see what she will look like with different hair. I haven't done it yet as she has the thickest head of hair I've ever seen but I see no issue in doing it for her.

Exactly. I've got 3 boys and whenever they wanted to dress up like Spiderman, I didn't worry that they were trying to be someone different to themselves.

It's only a big deal if hand wringing parents/grandparents make it one.

That's brought back memories of my sister in the 70s.

She liked her hair crimped (she was about 8 I think?) Hair crimpers weren't a thing then so our older sister used to sit and patiently plait her hair into about 50 or 60 tiny little plaits.

The next morning she'd take the plaits out and her hair was perfectly crimped until the next wash

Mind your own business. Sometimes I straighten both of my DDs hair. Believe it or not hair is already dead and can be gasp cut!

I think straightening hair at such a young age is really strange - it’s not about the damage but about wanting to change them.

If it was done on a regular basis and the parent was doing it because they didn't want to invest time/energy/money in maintaining their child's natural hair then this would be valid, but it isn't, it's a child wanting to try something new.

Every child with poker straight hair will at some point wish they had curls, every child with curly hair will wish for straight hair - even if its just once, every girl I have ever known has had at least one conversation when they have said "I wish I had X hair instead of mine". It's a totally natural thing for them to want to try out new styles and there is nothing wrong with letting them experiment occasionally.

My DD has long wavy hair - it is very fine but she has lots of it so it looks really thick and if I let it dry naturally it looks frizzy and tangled. Therefore when she washes it, as a minimum, I blow dry it straight to make it smoother and easier to style for school. Sometimes I will also straighten it as that takes a lot of the volume out of the bottom so it sits flatter, other times I will use curlers or the tongs to define the wave and bring out the natural curls. Due to time etc thus rarely happens except on special occasions - parties/christmas/weddings etc - when she wants to feel pretty, do her hair, paint her nails, wear a fancy dress, wear a bit of lip gloss (DD I'd a preteen so we are just getting into the stage of wanting to start wearing make up) etc just the same as I'm doing to get ready for an event.