Now that you've had children do you wish you'd had them younger?

[teainbedplease]

The general trend seems to be to have kids in your 30s, but now that you've had kids do you wish you'd started your family earlier?

I had mine at 33 and 35 years old.

No way. Loved my 20s. Loved my 30s too with babies!

I had my children really young at 21/23, I wouldn’t change anything but I should have waited until I was mid/late 20’s. I got out of college and didn’t even get to finish uni, no social life at all, my entire adulthood has been centred around being a mum.

I had mine at 21 and 24. Absolutely don't regret them for a second but if I had to go back and do things differently I'd have them a few years later, maybe more late 20's.

I'm sure when I'm in my late 40's and they're both (hopefully!) independent adults, OH and I will be glad to have that 'freedom' while we are still young enough to take advantage of it.

19 and 21 for my 2 wouldn't change a thing. There now 16 and 14 and were planning to have number 3 within the next 2-3 years

Oh hell no, I had fun in my twenties whilst I had the energy, wouldn’t want to have that life in my 30s/40s, had my first at 30 and have loved motherhood with no feelings of missing out or jealousy over not being able to go out, be spontaneous, experimenting etc

I had mine at 20 and 27. 30 was my cut off. I don’t want to be doing the school run in my 40’s.

No, I was 35.
I loved our life and didn't want that to change, then I was ready and I definitely wouldn't be the mum I am now if I had done it earlier.

Perfect for us.

Absolutely not. I travelled the world in my twenties and built up a good career. 35 was a good time for me to become a mother.

I have 4 and my oldest is 9. I turned 30 this year. I'm knackered and exhausted I can't imagine having 4 later in life. I'm glad I did it young. But maybe because I have 4.

Well you couldn't have had the children you have now at a younger age - you would have had different children. Similarly for having children at an older age - different children. Roads not taken

@Thepeopleversuswork Because having kids young with someone who is not a suitable life partner makes you very vulnerable. It’s never easy to split with the coparent of your children and always sets you back in the short term, but if you have established yourself a bit and can make your own money puts you in a much stronger position.

I understand your point now and am inclined to agree atp. Thank you for your input :)

Oh my goodness yes. I'm 39 and just had first baby. I'm so over the moon and in love with her. On one hand I've got financial security and had a fantastic career and experiences, but I do think being a mother is the main thing I really wanted and I'm kicking myself j didn't do it sooner. I hope I'm able to have another

Ideally I'd have my dcs about 3 years younger - I'd be 32, rather than 35 but I did not meet the right person until later.

I consider myself to have made it just under the wire. Overall, I am happy with the age I had my dcs. I was secure financially and in my career and marriage and reached a point in my career where I wanted to plateau so it was a good time for babies. Financially the dcs are set up.

I started having DC at 36. It was the right time in my life - before then I would have been a different sort of parent.

I wish we had been in the position to have them around 5 years younger, but we weren't and 35 was the right time when we were financially secure enough to support raising a child.

Yes. I had my daughter at 29. But had been with my partner for 8 years at the time. And he has 2 children already. I wasn’t at all maternal but my partner basically said we have one now or not at all as I don’t want to go back to babies when the others are adults. But I’ve turned out to be an amazing mum and wish I’d had her sooner. Also would have meant she had more time with her grandpa who passed before she was 2.

I had mine at 40. Twins. I wish I'd only had one (except, of course - I love both of them!) and done it up to 5 years earlier. But not before that really.

I had all.mine in my 30s and that feels completely appropriate and right to me and I'd do it exactly the same if had time again. I was too busy having fun/career in twenties and probably not confident, slef assured enough, would have been too knackered in 40s!

I'm one of 3. My sister was 6 and a half when I was born, my brother was 3 and a half. Always felt like the age gaps between us were perfect. Still all really close as adults! We meet up with our children as much as we can. I think 4 years is fine personally🙂

Theoretically, yes: I’d love to be the age I am but through the nappy years. But the boyfriends I had in my 20s and 30s were all terrible, and I’d hate to have had children with them. And if I’d had children younger, I wouldn’t have the DC I have now. I like living the life that I have.

I had DD when I was 35. The advantages were that I had established a strong career that I've been able to return to which means money isn't really an issue. And I had an absolute blast in my 20s with loads of amazing experiences. Down sides are that I think my age definitely contributed to the fact we've been unable to have a second, which I am sad about. But on balance I'm incredibly lucky that I've had a life that isn't solely devoted to child rearing but I still have my wonderful DD whom I adore.

Wasn't expecting so many replies! Really interesting hearing other people's experiences.

DH and I were wondering if our kids would have kids around the same age (in our 30s) or if there will be a trend to have kids younger because getting all those traditional things in place (career, property etc.) is getting harder and harder to achieve within your 20s or even 30s these days. So they may just think 'ah let's just have kids and the rest will work it's self out'? 🤷‍♀️ or not have kids at all.

With hindsight I think we were probably ready to have kids about 5 years earlier, but I was obsessed with "establishing a career". Well that never got established and actually once I had kids turns out I didn't really care about what job I was doing. 😆

I guess you have to separate those with 'choice' to delay having a family and those many 'happy accidents'.

I was late, needed to meet my Mr Right, and had fertility issues.

I had mine at 33 and 36. Was fine when they were young but I’m peri menopausal and we have teen/pre-teen DDs so living in a hormonal hell hole. I wanted to start 29/30 but DH got cold feet, marriage nearly failed as it was a deal breaker for me. Once he was happy to crack on it took longer than anticipated. I’m glad I had my 20s to train professionally without juggling DC, and to be selfish.