Now that you've had children do you wish you'd had them younger?

[teainbedplease]

The general trend seems to be to have kids in your 30s, but now that you've had kids do you wish you'd started your family earlier?

I had mine at 33 and 35 years old.

I had mine at 21 and 23 and it was perfect for us. So glad I had them when I did.

I worried having started later how would I cope staying up late to ensure they've come home
On time when they're teenagers but I think in 10+ yrs I won't likely have to be in bed early as up early as I've had to be in my 20-30s due to more work commitments as im past that stage now and find now in my late 30s I sit up mucu later than I did as I don't worry about needing to be up so early and really enjoy that! Hubby has always been in bed by 10 as is an eart riser that's never changed but suits me as I sit up watching whatever I want from 8.30 until gone 11 most nts. My dad had me at 43 and I remember him sitting up late in his 50s watching tv and he still sits up late like me so this may work out fine if when my first is 15-19 and im 49ish and still up which I can imagine myself being as that'll be my time to catch up on tv/films etc and with them also if they want to. If I'd had my first when I wanted at 30 (4 yrs sooner) I suppose that wouldn't have made much difference anyway and 15-19 is only 4 yrs, if I don't have my second until 39 though I could be more shattered by time they're almost 19 as I'll be nearly 60!! But I really will be trying to keep fit best I can too!!

I had mine in my early to late 20s and feel it was a very positive choice. I was an 'early starter' back in the days before ID, so had plenty of socialising etc behind me, and was fortunate enough to have travelled a fair bit. I was definitely ready for the next stage. Finances were tight, but given my career hadn't really got going, I didn't experience a drop or a disruption to progression, rather a delayed start. My lovely parents were around and gave a lot of practical support. As my mum died young this wouldn't have been the case had I waited.
Now they're adults and I'm still only early 50s, I enjoy a lovely relationship with them as equals, going on nights out, holidays etc. They enjoy that I'm 'young' and fit, and the opportunities this gives us to do things together.
I'm answerable only to myself and have years ahead of me to progress my own ambitions.
I look after DGC now, and despite being fit and healthy, I find I'm much more tired than I was in my 20s and very glad that stage is behind me.
That said, I've no comparator, so who knows how life would have panned out had I waited a decade or two? Possibly just as happily but in a different way.

I was 17 when I got pregnant and 18 when DS was born. Wouldn't recommend it, I don't regret it of course but being a parent is harder when you're skint and most people are not financially secure at 18. I wasn't!

Saying that, I wouldn't have wanted to be starting in my 30s, but I suppose that's because I'm 33 now with a 15 year old so I can't imagine having a small baby at this stage of life.

I think it would have been fine at any time, really. I find it really odd when people insist they’re sure they had them at the right/wrong time - I don’t really think that exists.

It would have been very hard to do it earlier because we were at medical school and then training for a solid decade (as well as being a carer for a parent who has since died) but it would have worked out fine I’m sure.

We’re both healthy, fit and a normal weight so don’t have the health problems so many on MN seem to encounter when parenting in their 40s. We’re not ‘on our knees’ - the tiredest I’ve ever been was actually in my 20s. Life experience Is different for everyone I suppose.

Had mine at 21 and 26. I'm 37 now and wouldn't have wanted to have had my eldest any earlier. However, if i had my time again I'd want there to be a much smaller gap between them.

I'd have happily had my 2nd child at 23. However, circumstances weren't right at that point because I wanted to be married before having more (was 25 when i got married) and DH wanted us to have a year of paying mortgage behind us before trying for second child.

Such an Int thread & I often think about this. I would have loved to have started sooner but had an unsupportive mother who wasn't int in helping us, her health wasn't great either and we knew we'd have to fully support ourselves. She died several wks after my baby was born I was 34 but she was terminally unwell from about a yr prior, had I had them even at 28 she'd have been there for 6 yrs but I don't know if she'd be int or not and had she been it likely would have been worse my child losing her grandma age 6 just starting to develop a relationship with her, it was hard enough despite my relationship with mum losing her through my Mat leave and hard not having her help but we always knew she wouldn't be here for long, her health was never great. Mum had me at 22 and my sister at 26 but she always seemed to hate being a mother, she didn't work at all and likely didn't help her MH at the time but bk then it was the norm not to where I came from, from 30 she became unwell with a couple of auto immune issues. My cousin started at 16 and had. 4 kids all mostly late teens now and is happy with her choices. We could no way have started before 30 as we needed money to be able to support ourselves as had nothing from either of our parents in way of finances or time. It has been fine except on the sleep front as an awful sleeper and havin no break from her was relentless for us both hence I'm now 38 and only ready to consider the second which is sad as I wanted them closer together having them over 30 and from 34 which also was not the plan, it jjsy took longer than we expected...

Can I ask whether you think being a young mum gave you the impetus to save (and become financially sound) quicker than you might otherwise have? I feel that if id not had DD young I'd have blown all my cash in my 20s!

I wish I’d had mine 5 years earlier so my mum could have met them.

But in terms of my life, I’m glad I had my 20s to be carefree before having kids at 31 and 34.

Thinking about the longer term, I’ll be mid 50s when they finish school/head off to uni, which seems just about right to me.

I am pregnant with my first and my fiancé and I are in our mid-20s. My parents were slightly younger than me when they had me. My child will have decades of memories with her grandparents and likely to remember her great grandparents (in their 70s). I think I’m a good age. I have a good career

No, I loved my 20s, travelling the world living for a time in another country and meeting my dh in Australia. I had mine at 31, 34 and 36. I am 46 now with a 10, 13 and 15 year old. A lot of my friends were older than me and I do think I would struggle now running after little ones

I had mine at 24 and 30 and sometimes I wish they were a bit closer in age, so just 3 years difference as I wanted a third but things were just not right when I was 24 as we were new immigrants to this country and everything was such a struggle. But at 30, we bought our house with enough space, I’d finished my masters degree and got a decent job so 30 seemed like the best time to have a first child based on my personal circumstance.

This is a good point about grandparents. Mine and DHs parents became GPs to our kids in their early/mid 50s and our kids met 4 of their great-grandparents. My kids will remember 2 of their G-GPs because they died recently.

Yes definitely - I had them at 34 and 36 and then tried for years for another and nothing happened (I’m 40 now). So if I’d had them just a couple of years sooner, then I’d have had that longed-for third.

There's a small age gap between my mum and her mum, and her mum too (i.e. they were all young mums). This has meant I've been fortunate to get to middle age and still have two generations above living life to the full with me. As a child and young adult my grandparents and great grandparents were a huge part of my life.

Unfortunately it won't be the same for my little ones because I wasn't able to have mine any earlier. But I definitely wish I could have had them in my late 20s. My career was established, I'd done lots of travelling and my then husband and I had been thoroughly selfish and loved it.

Not only would it have meant grandparents being around longer, but the thought I could (potentially , with the excellent genes that seem to run on the female side!) have had another 15 years being in my own children's lives does make me sad if I stop and think of it. Unless my own become young parents, I will likely be leaving this plane when my children are in the throws of rearing their own.

Yes, it did in a way and obviously I had to grow up quickly. I wasn't doing all the things my peers were doing like partying and travelling. I did things the opposite way round in a way - my friends have babies and toddlers now, but I'm enjoying my career and have more flexibility.

yeh, had them at the same ages as you! and I think this felt the WORST for me when 50 was looming. I felt like I'd been a mum for two decades, although I guess it was more like 15 but both decades firmly overtaken by motherhood and single motherhood.

I think it would have felt ''natural'' (hormonally?) to be done and without the responsibility of young children by 50 ish. At 50 my youngest was quite 14
He needs a lot of support and I knew even if he goes to college, it's another decade of supporting him and getting nothing but 'uh, yeh' back.

So relate! Single parent myself, but the so-called peri menopause is the worst phase of parenting if you have them at 32+35 ish. I was 48 with a 16 year old and a 13 year old, thinking, I've being doing this parenting gig for a million years now and there's still another decade?! But now I'm 52, I have a 20 year old I never see because of college and pt job, a 17 year old and although he's not sorted himself out at all in terms of what he wants to do with his life....................... I feel like I only have one 'child' the other is just ,living with me and we get on great now.

No, had mine at 37 and 41. Had a great job in my 20's and travelled a lot. I am in my 50's but like to think I am a young 50.

People often say, oooh I had my children young so I can travel when I'm older. Great but when I travelled I had no other responsibilities (eg children/elderly parents) and lots of disposable income. The countries I travelled to have changed enormously over the past 30 years and it's now a completely different experience (and not 'better' imo). Being younger I was happy to slum it a bit when needed, no sure I want to do that now.

As regards GPs I do get the relationship thing however you never know what the relationships between your DC and their GPs will be.

I always try and do things based on what I know now and how they affect my life, because this is what I have most control over. Sadly many of us are disappointed when we plan for the future and it doesn't work out as we wanted .

Oh I hadn't considered peri menopause...I'll be hitting that with teens!

I had mine at 29 and 32, and wish I could have had them earlier. I think mid to late 20s is ideal.

Had my first (and only so far) at 35. I have many times thought to myself, " How on earth could I have managed this in my 20s?!!" I definitely didn't want children for most of my 20s and waited until 35 very much on purpose. Parenthood can be a crushing responsibility and I'm personally glad that I didn't have to deal with that before I was mature enough.

I feel a really strong urge to tell younger women to stay child free for a good while!!! Obviously no one likes unsolicited advice so I don't unless they ask my opinion (and even then only when appropriate). But I really want to shout it from rooftops! I feel like I want to protect them.

@EmptyWineGlass Omg yes!!! I can totally relate! I felt like saying to anyone under 30 jjst don't rush because this is a long road and it can for some of us be quite a shock esp on the lack of sleep front and also the noise if you get an eeyore baby whjch we also did! Wish I could've been younger to have more time the other end of life but I also feel like I'm glad I waited a bit longer too! It's a total paradoxe if that's the right word!! X x x

Nope! Had mine at 36 and 39 and had a great life prior to that… fab career, lived in Oz for 4 years before heading home to uk, bought house and had a lot of fun. Had my kids when I was ready and no regrets at all.

See I am 33 soon and honestly couldn't have a baby or young child now.