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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Now that you've had children do you wish you'd had them younger?

312 replies

teainbedplease · 14/05/2022 06:43

The general trend seems to be to have kids in your 30s, but now that you've had kids do you wish you'd started your family earlier?

I had mine at 33 and 35 years old.

OP posts:
Badger1970 · 15/05/2022 15:48

I had my 1st at 21, and my last at 27. My Mum had me at 21 too, as did my maternal grandmother have her 1st. The tiredness/chaos never really got to me and I thoroughly enjoyed every moment. The only hard part was losing most of my friends as many didn't have kids for many years.

My DD followed suit and made me a grandmother at 42!! I've now got 4 grandkids aged 51 and it's amazing to have the energy to be really involved.

Ringmaster27 · 15/05/2022 15:51

I had my first at 20, second at 22 and third at 24.
My only regret at having them so young was that I hadn’t established a “proper” career at that point.
But on the flip side of that, I’ll only be in my late 30’s/early 40’s by the time they are flying the nest as young adults, so I still have plenty of time to do all that for myself.

Acinonyx2 · 21/12/2022 12:32

I had dd in my 40s which not the master plan - I think early 30s is perfect. Definitely would not have suited me in my 20s.

EmmaDilemma5 · 21/12/2022 12:36

I don't. Had mine at 30, 32 and 34.

Had I had them earlier, we'd likely not be in the house we're in now with adequate space and incomes that allow us to save as well as pay for the crazy costs of living.

We would have struggled which would have been stressful.

If it wasn't for career or finance, then yes, maybe it would be easier younger, but in this world, we needed our 20s in order to finish studying and climb the career ladder.

nokidshere · 21/12/2022 12:39

Well you could wish all you like and still not have them so it's irrelevant really. I started ttc in my early 20s but didn't fall pregnant until I was 40. Nothing to regret really since it was out of my control.

OoooohMatron · 21/12/2022 12:45

31 and 33. No because I wasn't in a position to have them sooner, plus I had lots of fun in my 20s!

Fimofriend · 21/12/2022 12:54

No. I studied something with a large curriculum. I would never have managed to get my Master's degree if I had children while studying. The only one who didn't drop out when she got pregnant was married to a CEO and had a cleaner, a chauffeur, and a nanny they hired six months before the birth.

popandchoc · 21/12/2022 12:56

Had mine at 24 and 28, wouldn't have wanted to be any younger.
I'm glad i had them then but has meant i haven't been able to afford a house which i might have done if did that before having kids.

BiscuitLover3678 · 21/12/2022 15:54

I started TTC for my first at 28 and had him at 29. I would’ve tried a year earlier if possible but dh wasn’t ready. I definitely wished we’d started TTC number 2 earlier but again, dh! Still not conceived and im close to 33. 😢

I had older parents. Life is short and I’ve always wanted kids so personally late twenties is perfect. Good enough jobs, careers (and fun had!) but also enough time and energy to have them and have room for more career growth after.

Obviously partner is a big thing and I was lucky with that.

CoteDivoire · 21/12/2022 16:12

I had mine at 26 and 29. DD1 was a surprise but I am so glad that it has worked out that way now. My mum used to love looking after them when they were little - 10 years on and she would struggle if they were babies/toddlers now. I am now 37 and knackered most of the time so pretty pleased not to have a newborn or toddler to look after

JoyfulGirl · 21/12/2022 16:33

I had mine at 33 and yes, I do with I’d had him earlier. I just didn’t feel ready at the time.

JoyfulGirl · 21/12/2022 16:34

JoyfulGirl · 21/12/2022 16:33

I had mine at 33 and yes, I do with I’d had him earlier. I just didn’t feel ready at the time.

*wish

TakeMe2Insanity · 21/12/2022 16:35

I had my child at 39. I absolutely wish I had dc earlier but it didn’t happen. I began ttc at 28 for reference.

Xmasbaby11 · 21/12/2022 17:14

I do think about this. My DP were older when they had me, and then I was older - 35 and 37. So I am 46 and my parents are in their 80s and ailing. DH is 57 and his parents are also 80s and ailing. My DC are 8 and 10 and we have no help with them, plus all our parents are becoming more frail and needing more support. I dread to imagine my 50s - menopause, teens, and ailing parents, if I'm lucky enough to still have them around. I am already tired and stressed now at 47.

Partly yes - around 30 would have been better from a health, energy and family POV.

Anewhoo · 21/12/2022 17:37

If I could have picked any age I would have one at 43 and another at 45. Then I could have got all my selfishness out the way, travelled and worked my way around the world, a string of lovers etc., before settling down, getting married, buying my ideal house, being established in my career. It’s a shame you can’t pick an age!!

MilkyYay · 21/12/2022 17:41

I was 31, DH was almost 30. I probably would have preferred them a year or two earlier health wise, but we waited to buy a lovely house that has been a great place to raise a family

DucklingDaisy · 21/12/2022 17:54

Had mine at 29 and 31 which is apparently "young for London" if not actually young. I definitely don't wish I'd had them earlier. Much earlier and we wouldn't have been in the right place either practically or mentally.

greenerfingers · 21/12/2022 19:24

Definitely earlier as I wanted more than 2 and feel unfit now and unable to keep doing the early years. At the same time I loved my single life and 20s so it's between a rock and a hard place. My friend who gave all that up and chose to have her kids early 20s now has a full social life and is way past the constantly needed stage. I do envy it but then also I have so many memories which I recall she was never able to make with us due to parental responsibilities. Both have their pros and cons. My parents were done in their mid-twenties with having us siblings, and are now young grandparents who are able to really be active in their grandkids lives. I don't think I'd have that considering how old I'd be by then.

littlepeas · 21/12/2022 19:29

I had mine at 26, 27 and 29 and feel that I timed it just right (for me).

greenerfingers · 21/12/2022 19:34

My mum had become a grandma by the time she was 44 and loved it. She'd always take the kids overnight as toddlers as she just enjoyed their company. I can't have imagined her doing that any older so I always wish I would have had my kids earlier too but miscarriages etc set me back a few years and a dc too. If my dd had survived I'd have a complete family and would have been done having children by 30.

Purplechicken207 · 21/12/2022 19:56

I'm late 30s, 2 under 4 here. Maybe a couple years sooner, but in my 20s I was an insecure, emotionally immature, people pleasing fool, in a crap marriage. Yes I was outwardly successful but I was miserable and relied on others for all validation. Now I'm a better pseron in myself, have an amazing DH, and we're old enough to have good income and a house nicely big enough. Still need a new car mind you

Splodgerbodgerbadger · 21/12/2022 20:04

Yes, I had our only DD when I was just shy of 40. I feel bad that she is an only child with older parents. She’s now 10 and we are 50 and 51. We tried for another but it didn’t happen. We had six miscarriages before she came along and our oldest would have been 15 in November. Was 15 years ago today we had our second miscarriage and I had a d&c on Christmas Eve was a crap year. If we had started trying a few years earlier she might well have a sibling. Though I wouldn’t change her for anything.

SallyWD · 21/12/2022 22:24

Yes so I'd have more time with them, so their grandparents would have more time with them. So I wouldn't have been such a tired perimenopausal mess when they were still young.

vinoandbrie · 21/12/2022 22:53

I would have had mine earlier, if I could be guaranteed the exact same kids!

I just want them with me for more of my life than I’ll have them now. I didn’t have them at an advanced age, but not young like my mum did.

Thislife55555 · 17/02/2023 07:08

Had my first at 34.5 would have preferred to have been 30 just to have had the second by 34 latest but it took way longer than we expected and our plan to have a second closer together was totally scuppered by fact she was an abs nightmare sleeper! Spent the first 2.5 yrs in zombie land and needed the last yr to get back fo a normal sleeping pattern to decide whether we can do it again as I'm now just turned 38. The idea of a second at my age fills me with dread only mainly on the sleep front as we never ever expected it to be as hellish as it was!! But we are more financially stable due to our ages and I can scale my hrs bk also if needed to survive another or increase my hrs if needed also. I never wanted an only, always wanted 2 and closer together but life had other plans. Just hope I can now get pregnant again as I'm ready to start again but I am more apprehensive than I was first time going through what we have sleep wise but they say no two are ever the same! (Blooming hope so) my fear if not is starting early menopause with 2 young kids!!!