Now that you've had children do you wish you'd had them younger?

[teainbedplease]

The general trend seems to be to have kids in your 30s, but now that you've had kids do you wish you'd started your family earlier?

I had mine at 33 and 35 years old.

No, I feel I was the perfect age (27).

I had mine when I was young (22 and 25) and think that was the right time for us, I am now 46 and DD's and 23 and 21.

No, I thoroughly enjoyed being child free until 36. I think it's preferable to have your freedom when you're young.

27, 29 and 35.

I wish i had more time to have a 4th but i loved the break between 2nd and 3rd.

Sorry haven't RTFT but nope. I rose hell in my twenties and thoroughly enjoyed doing so 😊 I'm also in a better position career-wise now, so I can both afford more and also be more flexible with work.

I think there's a sweet spot of too old to want to party until 4am but not so old that you'd be knackered running after a kid on the park. As soon as you say, "ooh it's 11:30, should we go home so we can get up early and do that 5k?" then bam - that's your klaxon to get pregnant. 😆

Yes as I had mine mid 30s and now they are continuing the same trend it seems it is going to be years before I will be a Grandmother. If this trend continues there will be masses of children who never know Grandparents.

I know a number of people who are having to put off retirement as they still have children to support.

Same! Both mine and fiancé’s parents had us young! They’re only 50 now so my dc will have decades of memories with them. People in this thread have mentioned not having dc in their 20s because they wanted to focus on their career. I have a great professional career 😊

@AllThingsServeTheBeam Because it takes so much energy you mean? Out of interest, do you think you'd have more energy if you hadn't been a parent for the last however many years/ parenting older children now? My sister is 41 and doesn't have children and she's hardly aged at all 😆

I aren't really a normal case. I have RA and have had to have numerous joint replacements over the last 5 years. And it's very debilitating.

From my friends, all have had their kids early to mid 20s and say they're glad they did it when they did. I'm sure if they hadn't had kids when they did they'd be happy with later. But that wouldn't have been an option for me. It I had none now I would remain childless as I couldn't do it

I'm 42 and my eldest is 19 : no regrets, quite the reverse.

I did - the first when I was 19, the last at 45! :-)

30 and 34. No, sooner would have been too soon for me, we got to get married have an amazing once in a lifetime honeymoon and bought a house, then it wasn't long after DD arrived. I sometimes wonder if I should've waited even longer to progress career more first but no guarantee that would have been successful

Oh gosh, absolutely not. I wrote my first novel when I was 35 and have managed to keep writing ever since. I would never ever have written the first one once childfree time had to be paid for! As it is, it's ended up being my full time job. And I loved my footloose and fancy free twenties/early thirties. I def knew that I would rather take the risk of not having children over having them too early. I also only really got my emotional shit together around 35 - I would have been a rubbish parent before that (not saying I'm fantastic now, but better than I would have been!)

It wasn't a choice.

I had my first at 22, second at 34 and last at 40.

Yes, I wish I’d had them all within a few years as I’m 43 now and not well and I am am scared that I will die and my toddler won’t remember me.

Up until a few years ago I had my head in the sand. Despite my own mother dying at 45 when I was 12.

No, I don’t think so. I would have found it very difficult at an earlier stage of my career. It’s so much easier now I’m quite senior and have more control over my working life.

@AllThingsServeTheBeam That makes sense, RA must be difficult.

I was 17, and although I would never advocate having children so young, I do think there were some pros -

1. I was so young that I didn't feel the drop in income.
2. I had a lot of energy.
3. I didn't feel like I had to be perfect and didn't compare myself to anybody else.
4. As my job and career grew, so did my daughter. It meant that I was given my first management job just as she went into high school, and I didn't have the school run commitments.
5. My family were also young enough to help me a lot. I could lean on my parents and my grandparents for assistance.
6. She's 19, and I'm 37, and I feel like I have a lot of life still in me to do many things, such as travel, have hobbies, etc.

I'm sure there are many cons, but I focus on the pros these days as I've given myself a hard time with my choices in the past.

I had my DC at 27 and 31 and it felt right. No regrets. But I realise I was fortunate to have met my DH when I did and that I conceived easily.

45 now with an 18 yr old and a 14 yr old. I wobbled about having a third child in my late 30s. Very bloody glad now I didn’t! Couldn’t be arsed with young kids and school runs etc now I’ve hit perimenopause. I don’t know how I had the energy for it!

19 and 37.
19 had of course the advantage that I barely noticed I was pregnant. In fact I only realised once I was 20 weeks gone. Yes, I had a lot of energy, but I would have rather wanted to spend it having fun like my friends. Have to say that grandparents did a lot of the actual child-raising and of course supported financially - it would have been a real struggle if they had not been able to do that.
Also had broken up with the boyfriend even before I knew I was pregnant and while he and DC1 are in contact, I wouldn't consider that he played a significant part in DC1's life.

At 37, I had a well established career, could take some time off to enjoy the baby, plenty of money. Also the things I want to do are mostly baby-friendly, a nice walk in the park is nowadays much more enjoyable than an illegal rave.

Hell no! I felt far too young at 34. I feel I timed it well and was confident that I was done at one.

Yes. My mum and dad were 24 and 20 when I was born and still in their twenties when my sister was born. We had left home by the time they were 45. I wish I had done the same now looking back.

I had my only child when I was 23 he'll be 16 when I'm 40 and I can get my life back. For me it was definitely the right thing. Me and my sister left home at 18 and 19 so by the time my mum was 45 we had left home

Hugs, @Iateallthewotsits