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Original poster

Now that you've had children do you wish you'd had them younger?

312 replies

teainbedplease · 14/05/2022 06:43

The general trend seems to be to have kids in your 30s, but now that you've had kids do you wish you'd started your family earlier?

I had mine at 33 and 35 years old.

OP posts:
EarringsandLipstick · 14/05/2022 08:59

No. I was 30 (nearly 31), 33 & 35. I wouldn't have wanted them younger. I was actually quite emotionally immature before I had DC - grew up quickly thereafter.

I had planned a fourth, marriage ended. I still wish I could have had another.

withacherryonthetop · 14/05/2022 08:59

No. I was 26 and 29 and I feel like they were the right ages for me. Sometimes I wish I had a smaller age gap but realistically wouldn’t have been able to afford 2 in nursery. The children are 7 and 10 this year and I’m definitely not broody for a third!

CrapBucket · 14/05/2022 09:02

I think who your fellow parent is (if applicable) makes more of a difference than age.

I settled down in early 20s and had my DC in late 20s. So my 20s didn't include travel or crazy nights. 30s was a full on slog of work and parenting and placating angry partner. Now mid 40s and have split from partner, kids are teens, and I'm flat broke but happy.

Makingsuresheissafe · 14/05/2022 09:04

I had my children at 22 and 24. It was right for us.
My eldest is 40 this year and both him and his sister
also had babies in their 20's.
We have 5 grandchildren the eldest is 17 and youngest is 13.

Howabsolutelyfanfuckingtastic · 14/05/2022 09:04

I had 7 by the time I was 30, it was perfect for me. I feel far too old to have anymore babies now at 35 but that's probably because i started young and i have 7 children already. I don't regret starting young as i had so much energy and patience, i loved it. My youngest is 5 now and i really miss the days of having lots of little ones. What suits one person won't suit another, people may say i missed out on being young and carefree in my 20's but i don't see it that way. I will be more free in my 40's when many older Mum's will have years of school runs left. I know many people who had babies in their late 30's or early 40's and that suited their lifestyle better, we're all different.

DougalToo · 14/05/2022 09:05

Bromeliadh · 14/05/2022 06:50

Yes. I didn’t realise how important family support is to your ability to cope. I left it too late so my mum is too old to babysit. That means I can never go out and I wasn’t able to afford to work until the kids started school. If I could go back in time I’d have them ten years earlier so I could leave them with my mum and have a life and a career.

Your poor mother!!

ValentinaLuna · 14/05/2022 09:07

I had my only dc at 25 almost 26 but if I could have been slightly younger I would have gone for that too but what difference does a year or so make in the grand scheme of things!
I have been lucky that we had bought a house at 23 and worked for a really good family friendly company who I still work for so at 32 now I have a great job flexible hours career progression and a wonderful 6 year old who I have energy to play with for hours,
so I wouldn’t change a thing

zafferana · 14/05/2022 09:08

I had mine at 33 and 37 and yes, I wish I'd had them younger. If I could go back and curate my life, I'd have DC1 at about 30 and DC2 at 34, but that would've meant DS1's end of schooling being screwed up by the pandemic, which I wouldn't wish on him!

RampantIvy · 14/05/2022 09:08

But it has to be said, the parenting journey to my now 25, 23 and 18 YO doesnt stop, it just changes in to more of an advice/worry role.

Spot on with this. I find it interesting when posters post about having a third/fourth/fifth/even more children when all of their children are under 10. They have no idea of the emotional toll that older DC can have on you.

I had mine at 33, 35, 37. I would have liked to have shifted that down by five years or so in an ideal world. It's a bit tedious always being the oldest mammy.

You wouldn’t have been the oldest mum where I live @Tintackedsea. I went to several 40th birthday parties when DD was at primary school.

MayBeee · 14/05/2022 09:09

I was 21 & 25 when I had mine . Glad of the children , not so much for the husband. Divorced now.

Weepingwillows12 · 14/05/2022 09:12

I had my in my early 30s. It was the right time for me as I had had a lot of fun travelling, going out etc in my 20s but more importantly had established a good career and could actually afford to have kids and pay for nursery which mattered to me. I do feel nackered all the time but I am not sure if that's age or just having kids!!

Cloud16 · 14/05/2022 09:13

I don't have any yet. I'd like to have them in the next year or two (26,27ish) but I don't know if I'll have issues with fertility or something that pushes that back.

My gran was 47 when I was born (she had my mum at 20) and she's been there for all of my first days at nursery, school, my graduation, my house, my wedding, hopefully my own kids. She's been such a big part of my life and I think grandparents (like her) are so special. However, age doesn't necessarily mean healthy and that can all change in the blink of an eye.

My other gran was into her 70s when we were born and I always remember her as really old. We never stayed with her and she didn't babysit us as she was much older. Sadly, it meant we didn't have much of a relationship with her in the end.

I'd like to have mine relatively young mostly for this reason tbh. I'd like them to have my mum a long time, and for my mum to be there to see me being a mum (again, all wishy-washy though and depends on health. Might not work out that way!!).

TheGoogleMum · 14/05/2022 09:13

No we weren't ready younger (had DD when I was 30)

Rosebel · 14/05/2022 09:14

I had mine at 26, 28 and 40. Happy with the age I had my two eldest but I do wish I'd had my youngest closer to them. I'm 42 now and feel exhausted most of the time 😁

Theblackbirdstune · 14/05/2022 09:14

No, and I was 40. No regrets.

Resilience9to5 · 14/05/2022 09:16

AledsiPad · 14/05/2022 08:53

No, because I started at 18 and was finished by 25. It has a lot going for it! Don’t get me wrong, I don’t advise others to be pregnant at 17, but I’m glad I did all the really hard parenting when I was younger. I’m now 33 and I think I’d really struggle with the sleepless nights. Also, by the time I’m 40, my youngest child will be 15, my eldest will be early twenties - I can be gallivanting around all over the place! Grin

A lot of people who have children very young never really find a sense of them self as an individual aside from being a mother/grandmother, but I think for those that see their family as the motivation to do well themselves, then it can be such a fantastic motivator and can also leave you with freedom in your forties and fifties when all your friends are still quite trapped even if it's only financially trapped.

I remember feeling sad for my 24 year old friend when she got pregnant and now her fantastic DD has finished uni and she, my friend has done very well for herself in her career.

There's too much pressure on women to have the perfect relationship, the security of a house and basically society's APPROVAL. You may have a child.

If you have the qualifications under your belt and the support of a mother which can be better than the support of a husband......... that's another story, maybe just go for it.

Saying that, if I'm a grandmother some day in the future I hope i will look after the child maybe one day a week to save my daughter childcare costs. Not every day.

chubbachub · 14/05/2022 09:17

I was 21, 25 and 29 and agree with the poster who said they feel like the kiddie stage is going on forever.

On the flip side, I don't think I would have coped with smaller age gaps. So I guess I'm happy enough over all.

Happylittlethoughts · 14/05/2022 09:19

No. I had mine at 34 and 37 and it was the right age for me. Definitely wouldn't have wanted to sacrifice my 20s. I enjoyed travelling and in retrospect I think I'd have been a different parent.
The one thing thst makes me vaguely wish I had them earlier is grand children. While these are never promised, I would have liked to be a younger grand parent.
Everyone trades off things in timings of parenthood though.

Babdoc · 14/05/2022 09:19

I spent my 20s working 72 to 120 hour weeks as a junior hospital doctor - there is no way I could have handled babies at that time, and I would never have seen them if I did!
I had mine at 33 and 35, which is fairly standard these days.

chubbachub · 14/05/2022 09:19

I should add, I'm 30 now, so they are all still quite young. Hence the dragging feeling. Im sure I'll miss it when they're all grown.

veronicagoldberg · 14/05/2022 09:20

I'm happy I waited until my 40s. It took me a long time to grow up and be worthy of motherhood.

yourestandingonmyneck · 14/05/2022 09:23

Ideally, yes, but in practice it wouldn't have been feasible. So in reality, probably not, as it would have been very difficult and had a huge impact on my career.

But in hindsight, I wish I'd done everything slightly different Grin

miltonj · 14/05/2022 09:25

I've had mine at 27 and will be just 29 when 2nd is born. Very happy with this. If I have another I would like before I turn 32. If it takes longer than that I probably won't bother as want them all close together/doing similar stages at the same time.

Bednobsbroomsticks · 14/05/2022 09:26

I'm 47 my eldest is 21 and youngest 16. We have so much freedom now it's great. When youngest goes to uni we will be able to do so much more . I'm glad I had them young. My friends had babies in their mid 40s and it just seems exhausting

mizzo · 14/05/2022 09:27

I had two in late teens/early twenties and two in my early thirties.
There's pros and cons to both. I really don't think there is a right age, I think who you choose to have a family with is much more important.

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