Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Now that you've had children do you wish you'd had them younger?

312 replies

teainbedplease · 14/05/2022 06:43

The general trend seems to be to have kids in your 30s, but now that you've had kids do you wish you'd started your family earlier?

I had mine at 33 and 35 years old.

OP posts:
Horsemad · 14/05/2022 09:28

A bit of me does because they'd have hopefully left home by now if I had!

avocadotofu · 14/05/2022 09:29

Absolutely not, I had my son when I was 34 and that we perfect for me. I build a career, travelled and had lots of fun in my 30s and we were both in a good place financially so I've been able to go back part time.

Fabuleuse · 14/05/2022 09:31

Yes, I do wish I had had children earlier, although I had my first at 29. I think biologically it is better and I didn't have an easy time with pregnancies and deliveries, but who knows if it would actually have worked out easier. Two kids quite spaced apart due to caesareans and now I'd be well into the geriatric mother category if I was to consider more children. I feel like the optimal age range for childbearing has zoomed by in a flash!

Folklore9074 · 14/05/2022 09:34

36 with my first, it took a long time to have him so I’d like to have maybe had him a year or two earlier than it took but I don’t substantially wish I’d have children loads earlier.

You don’t get your teens and twenties back and I had an amazing life before my baby. I was very ready to settle down knowing I’d had all the travel, parties and nights out that I needed for a while. Waiting also meant I have financial stability and a career to go back to… I also think there’s no point in regrets really, you can’t go back and change it.

All that said, I’d like to have another before Im 40 just so that all the night feeds, nappies and nursery fees are done before I'm 45. It is pretty tough looking after a little kid!

Echobelly · 14/05/2022 09:36

Had mine at 30 and 33 - I think the timing was just right. I wouldn't have been ready, financially or emotionally, earlier, and I was young enough to have the energy to cope.

RedRobyn2021 · 14/05/2022 09:37

Had mine at 29 but yeah I do sometimes now

PaddlingLikeADuck · 14/05/2022 09:39

I had mine at 31 and 34 and definitely wish I had started earlier.

I didn’t meet my DH until I was 27 though so I couldn’t have had them at a much younger age anyway.

But I do feel envious when I see friends my age (39/40) who have more freedom as they started having children in their mid 20’s. It feels like I have forever to go until I can live the life they do.

Inthesameboatatmo · 14/05/2022 09:40

I had my first at 29,second at 31 and a surprise pregnancy at 35. The last one was the hardest lots of complications , nearly 3 months early and extended nicu stay. If I was at the right place mentally and professionally I definitely would have had them early 20s.

drpet49 · 14/05/2022 09:40

I wish I had met someone when I was younger to have kids with

Changedagain876 · 14/05/2022 09:41

I had mine at 30 and 32. Perfect age for me - spent my 20’s partying and getting up to adventures around the world. Now settled but I do feel more tired the closer I get to 40 so I’m glad I had them early 30’s. Took a huge toll on my physical and mental health too so glad I had time to recover when on the younger side of 30’s.

brokengoalposts · 14/05/2022 09:41

No, 34 & 38. Theirs pros and cons to it but having them earlier those pros and cons would've just been reversed. All in all, I'm satisfied with my choices.

stairgates · 14/05/2022 09:41

I've had children in my 20s, 30s and 40s and I can compare the energy level I had in the earlier ones to the later ones and had so much more in the 20s and 30s. Plus I would love to be more full time involved with the older ones as they travel and set up businesses but dont think I will be as enthusiastic when the younger children hit their 20s and start adventuring, will just be moaning about my increasing aches😁

Abhannmor · 14/05/2022 09:41

Yes...but then they wouldn't be 'them' ?

brokengoalposts · 14/05/2022 09:41

There's, obviously

Spagaps · 14/05/2022 09:42

Nope absolutely not! Travelled the world, did a lot of things I'd wanted to growing up, managed to get to a place in my career I had more options for flexibility etc and more financially secure. I loved my 20s, and I think having done a lot of what I wanted to do it allowed me to enjoy becoming a parent more as I didn't feel I was missing out or whatever.

SirSamVimesCityWatch · 14/05/2022 09:43

30 and 34 for me. I definitely wouldn't have wanted to start any earlier, but if life circumstances had allowed I would have like a smaller gap and then maybe we would have had a third.

89redballoons · 14/05/2022 09:45

Partly.

I had my first at 33 and then had another baby a few weeks ago - I'm 35. It's early days but I think we are stopping at two, for various reasons. My DH has only ever wanted two, and also both of our mums help a lot with the two we do have - they're early 60s now, but obviously not getting younger and it would be harder without their help.

When I was 15 or so I was diagnosed with PCOS and told I wouldn't get pregnant without medical interventions, and that coloured my attitude towards pregnancy and parenthood. I didn't want to go through IVF, so I just assumed it might not happen and focused on building my career and having a lot of fun in my 20s.

Turns out I fell pregnant spontaneously after coming off the pill without too much bother, had DC1 and then fell pregnant again very quickly after finishing breastfeeding. Both times, I had straightforward pregnancies, easy births and healthy DC, and also found breastfeeding came easily.

I really love being a mum. Part of me thinks if I'd known what my body could do as a teenager I'd have started earlier and had 4 or more. But, my lovely DH wouldn't have been up for that so it would have been a very different life. And I did make the most of my 20s and maybe I'd have regretted missing out on work and partying and travelling if I'd had kids then.

Or maybe I'm just emotional as DC2 is growing out of his newborn clothes and I can't imagine not putting them away for another time!

Stomacharmeleon · 14/05/2022 10:00

I am a firm believer in things happening for a reason. I had an awful childhood and had my son a week after my 19th birthday. He came to uni with me and I had three sons by the time I was 26. My youngest is 18 in a couple of months.

I definitely found it hard at times but I now have cancer and am having aggressive treatment. I also have a life limiting illness so I would have struggled to conceive post 30. I can focus a bit more on me now. Trips in and out of hospital would be so much harder with little people.

I admire people who plan and have them at the 'right'time. I grew up with young parents in chaos and have tried to make sure although young we have a calm and happy house- mostly :)

MintyCedricRidesAgain · 14/05/2022 10:02

I had my daughter a week shy of my 29th birthday and I think that was good age for me.

She 17 now and I was surprised when she told me that I was a relatively young mum as far as her friends are concerned as most of their mums are in their early 50s.

Hulahihi · 14/05/2022 10:07

Yes i was 37 and wish I had done it at 30. No family support as gps are too old and I feel so old as well.

ReallyIrish · 14/05/2022 10:09

I had mine at 24, 27 & 29. It was perfect for us, we were married and had our own house. We'd done as much going out and travelling as we wanted to at that point, having children youngish was more important than fun but we were both quiet mature.
They're all raised now, the years flew by. I'm glad we had them young, I look back in awe at our energy levels and how quickly I bounced back after giving birth. A common cold these days wipes me out🙈

I don't think there's any point looking back and regretting choices like these, we've all been lucky enough to have our children and that's what matters.

RainCoffeeBook · 14/05/2022 10:14
  1. I am very happy with this decision. I've been able to use my 30s focusing on a career and as they approach teen years I can commit more time to work and better positions, with good pay but also flexibility.

I'd love to see the vinegar piss faces of the mothers who sneered at me for having them 'too young.' I would tell them I had a mortgage and a good job which is why we were ready to have children, but they loved their 'idiot young person' narrative. They would ask if they were accidental. If I knew who the father was. Sneery Boden-clad harpies.

RainCoffeeBook · 14/05/2022 10:15

(I had my kids at 25, the post has numbered it lol)

Tangled123 · 14/05/2022 10:27

I had my daughter at 32. Realistically, I couldn’t have had children earlier. I was in low paid, temporary work during most of my 20s and then moved abroad for two years. We spent another two years getting married and buying a house after coming home, and then got pregnant before even properly trying. I had an ok pregnancy and birth, and think I recovered pretty well, but part of me does wish we were able to try sooner (although it does make me sad to think my daughter probably wouldn’t be here if we had).

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 14/05/2022 10:32

I was 34 and 37. I do, in hindsight I was ready around 30ish. I might be slightly less knackered but my kids have an amazing relationship with their grandparents and if I'd had them younger they would have that relationship for longer (although in that alternative reality they might end up dying at a different time so you never know). I am also not looking forward to the menopause and teenage hormones at the same time. And if they have kids when they are older, at the same age I did, I think I'll be too old to help loads (do overnights etc)

Saying that, I wouldnt have had them in my 20s so for me, it's only a matter of 3 or 4 years or so which probably wouldn't have made too much difference. And I don't give it loads of headspace
.

Swipe left for the next trending thread