Now that you've had children do you wish you'd had them younger?

[teainbedplease]

The general trend seems to be to have kids in your 30s, but now that you've had kids do you wish you'd started your family earlier?

I had mine at 33 and 35 years old.

I had mine at 21 and 24. I’m now 29 with a 5 and 8 year old and I’m happy with that. My first child was unplanned but I wouldn’t want it any other way now.

I had Dc at 35 and 37. The only thing I regret is not meeting my husband earlier- I was 29. I'm sure we would have had 3 or 4 dc if we had met earlier. But I'm happy with our decision to stop at 2.

I loved my 20's and being free to work hard and play hard. I had some amazing times and memories. I would never change that. Now in my 40's I don't look back with regret or feel I missed out on being young. I love that my idea of a big night out is a restaurant and bottle of wine now.

However my best friend had dc at 18 and 24. They are now in uni and late teens. She can now travel and is currently on her 4th trip abroad so far this year. She loves the way she has done things and also has a successful career while I have stepped back from mine.

There is definite benefits to both.

I had mine the same ages as OP and I think that was about right. Not too old or too young.

Agree with @MrsDeaconClaybourne on it would have been nice to have some years in my prime, but I wouldn’t have traded off the years to travel and build my career before having babies.

I had all mine in my twenties and there have been major disadvantages for us financially but it’s lovely now they’re teens. They just aged me though so I feel no younger than my friends in their 50s who also have the money to keep fit, work less and take advantage of the less intense parenting years.

The main thing I hold on to is that I will likely get grandchildren in my 50s but who knows?

No, had my DS at 42, enjoyed my child free years, built a good career so was very happy (& financially able) to take a step back, have some years at home and return to a part time job of my choosing. I only ever wanted one DC so maybe different if I'd wanted more. Many of my friends are now struggling with having to provide childcare for DGC - I don't have that .

Nope (currently) 28 and 31. Potentially a third at 33/34 which means we have good age gaps and still youngish when youngest is born.

20s we travelled, brought a house over paid the mortgage and started a career.

i was classed as young within our sector to have kids. I would want them any younger due to careers / houses.

i know a few people who started mid 30s and they have said if they had their time again they would start earlier.

I definitely wouldn’t have wanted mine any younger ! I was too busy working, drinking, travelling, emigrating

I had mine at 35,37,40 if we hadn’t done it that way round the DC wouldn’t have the choices, situations, life they we are able to give them

You think so? It feels like it’s too late. Had DD at 30, she’s 3 now, so if I were to fall pregnant now, DD would be 4 by the time I give birth. What if the age gap is too big? 😔

I had mine at 19, 25, 27 and 29.

I know I started really young, and that was unplanned, but it was probably for the best. I have a traumatic past and spent my teenage years in self destruct mode, dropping out of school and courses, "partying" was totally out of control and more akin to substance abuse than anything else. I had lost all direction and hope tbh.

Then my eldest came along and I loved him and it gave me a massive kick up the backside. I got a job in a trainee position and had worked my way up to being senior by my mid-late twenties. I got help for my mental health, and although it was hard at times I had endless energy, we did a lot together and were and still are very close.

I met my husband when I was 22 and we married a few years later and had finished off our family. I'm in my early 30's now and ready for slightly older kids. We have our dream home and our jobs pay well and are secure.

We are turning our focus to pensions and investments now and glad to have all the maternity leaves and expensive childcare out of the way. We plan to do a bit more travelling in our 40's and 50's.

It isn't for everyone, but it worked out well for us. I dread to think where I would be if I hadn't of had my eldest when I did. Comparison is the thief of joy, im grateful for what I have.

I had 4 kids in my 20s. I am very happy with my baby-free 30s so far, and am busily establishing a good career that I didn't have time for before. We never got used to having much money so endless caravan holidays and picnics in the park don't feel like a hardship. I am back at work (after nearly a decade as a SAHM albeit with some pretty intensive volunteering throughout) and earning money just as the kids have become more expensive.

However, I met DH when I was still at school. The right person is more important than the right time - with some huge crossover and muddying of waters when you reach your late 30s imo.

@Trinacham oh and congratulations on your new addition! 💐

What I’d give to go back to DD being that age! The days of colic, sleepless nights and leaking bosom! 🙂

I had mine at 25 and 27 (they’re 7 months and 2.7 months) and I think it was perfect for me - especially as DH is older and was 39 and 41. I was unusual though in that I was already in a senior job and we could afford a family home in our area thanks to inheritance, plus my parents are retired and healthy and chose to live nearby to help us a lot with childcare. I’ll be 45 when my youngest turns 18 and I think that’s a good age to be able to enjoy a less child centric life, although I imagine like my own parents I’ll still do a lot for them. The only downside is that if my kids choose to have kids young too, I’ll still be working and won’t be able to help much with childcare - my plan is to be earning enough by then that DH can do that for them if they want.

24, 27, 32 and 34 when I had all mine. Easier by a long shot in your 20s.

I appreciate 'well into your seventies' is different to 70, but my parents have both just turned 70 and look after my preschool children without issue every week. My dad still works part time and they are both incredibly active. 70 probably isn't as old as you think it is; I think for a lot of people it looks more like 60 did when we were growing up.

Absolutely not. I try to avoid pointless regrets as a rule, but even if I didn't, no.

Yes definitely, I think about this all the time, but mainly around how much I would have liked more children, I always wanted a big family, however left it far too late to have one. I has mine at 36, 38 & 42. I’ve also has health issues since having my last, this makes me feel guilty as I don’t have the energy to do as much with my DCs as I’d have liked.

But saying that I would have been a far different parent than I am now. I’m definitely more laid back than I was when I was younger, obviously more mature with age, Ive travelled and had a lot of life experience and was well and truly over having an active social life by the time I had my DCs. If I’d had children younger I may have regretted/resented missing out on a lot, I definitely don’t feel that way now.

I had mine at 36 and 38. We were able to give them stuff and experiences because we had the finances built up from our 20s and early 30s.

But I am knackered now. Wish I'd had them earlier, with my young, fit body... but with the money, house and life experience I have now. Its a balancing act.

I had mine at 33 and 36. I do not wish I’d had them younger. I didn’t meet my DH til I was over 30. I also suffered from a serious illness in my early 20s as well as the effect of a traumatic childhood, so I would not have been a good parent.

Don't know why everyone is so down on having teenagers in your 50s. It's a joy and I mean that wholeheartedly 😁

I was 27, 29 and 31 and I think that’s been perfect!

Yes. Due to infertility DD (an unexpected surprise) was born when I was 41 and DH 48. At 70 he is still working to support DD through university (I am still working as well BTW).

I had older parents and hated them being much older, and wanted to get babies out of the way before 30, but it didn't happen. All of our retired friends have DC who are completely independent and settled, so they can go off and travel the world. Unfortunately our independent travel plans were scuppered by the pandemic, but we have a holiday coming up just the two of us.

With hindsight I think I would have liked to have had DD at 31, not 41.

@fireandpaint are you me?!

But to answer the question, no, no regrets.

I had mine at 33, 35, 37. I would have liked to have shifted that down by five years or so in an ideal world. It's a bit tedious always being the oldest mammy.

No God no. It’s become really fashionable to talk about the benefits of being a young parent again but I think it’s hugely overplayed.

Never saw the appeal of having a kid in my 20s. I was having too much fun.

I have never really understood this idea that you magically have tons more energy at 20 than at 30. I just don’t think the difference is that huge.

And I think kids benefit from having parents with some life experience who have got the wanderlust out of their systems rather than parents who are barely out of childhood themselves. This is of far greater benefit having parents who may have a fraction more physical energy.