To not understand why none of my neighbours answered the door

[Ihateitalot]

I moved in a month ago. I needed to get 10 year old dd from school but there was an issue with my front door not closing. I could have gone out the back but there was still the issue that the front door would literally not close.

I knocked on houses to see if someone could keep an eye on my door for max 15 mins. I could see some neighbours through their windows completely ignoring me or peeking back at me and then disappearing. The neighbour across from me I couldn’t see, but while I was phoning my mum to collect dd for me she answered the door for an ASOS parcel! Just so rude.

I’m beginning to think it’s because my face doesn’t fit, if you know what I mean. Next door but one completely blank me, and have crossed the street when they see me coming. I didn’t bother knocking on theirs.
One of the neighbours across from me was initially friendly, so I thought. He came over asking who my landlord was, then preceded to blank me every time after.

I feel like moving again.

I had a toaster fire a few years ago. I managed to get it outside and it sat absolutely blazing outside my house for 10 minutes before a bloody great fore engine came roaring down my street in a little quiet village. Not one person came out from their house in my small cul-de-sac to check on me and my 2 small kids (despite cars at home and retired people etc). One neighbour eventually came out once the fireman had put out the fire when I was in shock and shaking. A few others weeks later commented in passing, that they'd seen it all kicking off from their windows - I was dumbfounded!! People can be so cold and strange. Imagine seeing a fire and someone close by in distress and not even popping out to check they're ok. I once took out a trayload of tea and toast to about 20 firemen who had been standing outside a burnt out house fire in my neighbourhood all night, at 6 in the morning. They were so grateful and said people never did stuff like that. How sad - it costs nothing to be nice 🤷

Tbh I probably wouldn't answer if you looked like a salesperson but you would have to be wearing a uniform/holding a clipboard.

Your neighbours are really rude and out of order IMO for ignoring you.

This is nuts. I know I can knock on several doors, and know neighbours (even ones I don't know/ new to the area). We're in the middle of a city. I'm so sorry your neighbours are so unfriendly!

I moved to a city on the continent 20 years ago. I needed to borrow a hammer and was shocked at how many doors I had to knock on before someone finally opened and did actually lend me a hammer. Fast forward a few months from that, I became a city person myself and didn't answer the door to anybody I didn't know. Partly because I couldn't see out at all so only had the intercom to go by. Now I can see my door through the window so I look out before making a decision.

The Welsh valleys have extremely close communities. Go to Cardiff and it's different. There are still close communities in some areas, people with relatives in the same street etc., but a new person wouldn't necessarily be part of that at all.

OP- this has happened to me. Knocked on all my neighbours doors and no answer. Then they open door to family a little later. It’s shift isn’t it? 💐

Sorry I vanished. Haven’t read past page 3.

I think it could also be snobbery mixed in because I rent and they all look to be home owners and very house proud.

im in the north west

I did get my door sorted in a way. My brother managed to get it back into its frame until the landlord can fix it properly on Monday.

Parcels - sometimes but if they do it doesn't help in the long run - finding the bloody things and getting them back is a nightmare.

i say hello to one family. People are decent and kind, just private.

I don't answer the door to anyone I don't know that goes for them being black, white or any race/gender. As a single mum with a disability I often feel quite vulnerable answering the door unexpectedly and will often peek out the window to see who it is and ignore if i don't know them. Sorry OP as I'm sure you are a kind genuine person who just needed a simple favour which I would have done if I'd maybe said hi a few times or seen you out and about. I'm sorry you've been made to feel this way by your neighbours x

They might just not have recognised you. But you needing to go out and knowing your front door wouldn't shut properly isn't too much to ask of a neighbor to keep an eye out. I only know 3 of my neighbours to speak to. I hate answering the door to someone I don't recognize. Even if they're delivering a parcel I check that's what they're doing. If my daughter's home though she won't let me ignore it far too nosey. It's usually charities, or trying to sell us something. At the moment we've got travellers set up camp accross the road from us. Not sure if it's them but a few people have been ripped off for gardening work. Find out if there's anything going on in the community you could be involved with. Is there a community centre? Ours orgonise litter picking, activities for children in the school holidays and there's a community fridge open to anyone in the area.

This is totally bizarre. Are you serious? What happened to society?

It is totally depressing that people would look at another human being out their window and ignore them. What an utterly miserable country this is. At the very least I would have come to the door to ask what they needed (would never occur to me to put on the chain but people can always do this if they feel vulnerable). Is this country so dangerous now that people cannot answer their doors?
OP I am sure it was deep rooted prejudices about your skin colour which led to assumptions about what you might ‘want’. How sad when all you were looking for was some basic help from your fellow humans so you could deal with an expected situation and get your child off to school. Anyone on here justifying this behaviour should be ashamed. I hope society changes because this is grim. I personally am trying to do my part to change this.

My DH met our new neighbor by knocking on his door at 7 am about a month after we moved in to call me. I accidentally locked him out of the house when I left for work and he walked outside to bring the trash out. Poor guy was still in his Jammie’s, slippers, and bathrobe.

Maybe that’s the answer, next time you knock make sure you are wearing fuzzy slippers.

Sorry OP, that’s tough, maybe they are racist, reclusive, grumpy, or the previous tenants were drama enriched. But in fairness, you were going to ask a favor so maybe they just didn’t want to get involved. I agree it’s sad really. I like friendly (but not nosy) neighbors.

My uncle is like that he's in his 70's. I am often having to pull him up on what he comes out with. Had him staying with us for a while when he had some work done on his house. We were watching Corrie one night and he says oh where's she from? I said I don't know what's it matter where she's from. Then was surprised by her very Yorkshire accent.

I know every neighbour around me and would always answer to door to them because I know they would not be bothering me unless it was important.

However, if someone moved in and didn't come round and introduce themselves or speak to me, and I did not know them at all, I would NOT answer the door to them. Nothing to do with colour or any other characteristic. If you live in a community where you have built trust with neighbours, they will answer the door to you. If you don't know your neighbours and made no effort (as is the case with a lot of people on this site, it seems), you can't expect them to - they are strangers to you.

I didn’t expect them to stand sentry. Just keep a general eye out. I live on a road that people do use as a cut through so I was a little worried.

Seems it’s not only me that has weird neighbours. I found it quite humiliating to be going door to door, being ignored, and there all on the other side of the glass watching me.

I won’t be taking in ANY parcels for that lot.

Could be a number of reasons they didn't answer, here's my top reasons for not answering:

I'm trying to have an afternoon snooze
I'm having an afternoon snooze
I've just woken up from an afternoon snooze
my cat is having an afternoon snooze in my lap and I'd rather have kitty cuddles
I'm not expecting anyone = not important to me / not interested in who it is
It might me my MIL
Anyone that I would want to answer my door to doesn't just turn up unannounced (see MIL above)
My doorbell is broken - you think you rang but it didn't
I'm in the loo / shower
I'm in my dressing gown
I've got no makeup on / hair looks a mess
I'm on a call
I just don't want to / am feeling anti-social
I'm cooking food and if I answer and get distracted 'something' will burn/overcook
I'm hoovering and didn't hear you
I'm not actually in
I've popped out to the garden and didn't hear you
I'm in the middle of 'something' I don't want to be disturbed doing (let your imagination go wild with that one)
And....you might want a favour that I don't want to do - like watch my front door for 15 minutes - watch paint dry, no thanks lol

Loads and loads of reasons, and these are just a handful of personal reasons that I might not be answering the door.

Essentially, no one is obliged to whoever has called around unannounced, it's not personal to whoever is on the receiving end despite how it feels.

I think it could also be snobbery mixed in because I rent and they all look to be home owners and very house proud.

Sorry but this is getting a bit absurd because there's no way anyone can tell if you're renting or owning, especially after one month. Vice versa as well since how can anyone tell what a "homeowner" looks like (??). There are many people who rent expensive homes and splurge on all the renovations because they want the lifestyle without being able to afford the property outright.

I'm also an ethnic minority so I know that innate suspicion of racism. However this sounds lot more like neighbours just not wanting to open their door to a stranger, and 1 month is definitely not long enough for someone to recognise another person as a neighbour. Also, the "favour" wasn't necessarily a small one, since you are effectively responsible for someone else's home during the entire time they are gone. Even if they claim it's just for 10mins, what happens if an emergency pops up and they end up away longer? What if you need to leave your own house after a while? I would not have been keen at all to do that "favour" for a new neighbour I don't know on a first name basis. As a rule, if I don't have a certain neighbour's name & number on my phone, I would not open the door for them either.

There is also a pandemic going on. I would not open a door to someone I don't know because I don't want to talk unmasked to a random person. Worst case scenario they end up bringing more people to the door. Had a similar experience during the peak of the omicron pandemic where we were staying at my parent's flat. The postman wanted me to take someone's parcel and I flat out refused because we were leaving the next day anyway. However he must have put a slip into their postboxes already because the entire afternoon people started ringing out bell assuming I had their parcels when I obviously didn't. Fucking nightmare and a key reason I don't open the door for anyone who I don't know personally now.

But how could they "come round and introduce themselves" if you won't answer the door in the first place....

It’s sad you experienced that. I felt I came across as rude a few times when working from home. I’d go to the door if I thought there was a parcel otherwise I’d have to ignore whoever was there as I’d be on constant calls. If I saw a neighbour I’d know I wouldn’t have time then.

Also I get it’s an emergency but I’d dread being asked to watch a door for a complete stranger.

I haven’t read the whole thread but I just feel like assuring everyone that I I avoid answering the door to everyone, regardless of race. If I see it’s one of my immediate neighbours I will of course answer, but otherwise we only answer for Barry the DPD guy.

That’s what I mean OP. They could see you and just looked back at you , rather than answer the door or even speak through the window.
Very bizarre behaviour!

It seems odd to me he asked who her landlord is. I would think he wanted to make a complaint. Maybe he was p**d off the landlord accepted an ethnic tenant which is pafetic. I'm in the North West like the lady in a prodominantly white town. They're are a few racists but the majority are very accepting. There was a Syrian family a few years ago got racist abuse because they got housed in a council flat. The majority of us were horrified by they're behaviour.

It was bizarre behaviour, as is some of the behaviour described by posters on this thread.

She said she had one man ask who her landlord but blanked her after that one conversation. So obviously are aware the home is rented. I see home's up for rent in our area all the time on social media. So can also find out that way.