To not understand why none of my neighbours answered the door

[Ihateitalot]

I moved in a month ago. I needed to get 10 year old dd from school but there was an issue with my front door not closing. I could have gone out the back but there was still the issue that the front door would literally not close.

I knocked on houses to see if someone could keep an eye on my door for max 15 mins. I could see some neighbours through their windows completely ignoring me or peeking back at me and then disappearing. The neighbour across from me I couldn’t see, but while I was phoning my mum to collect dd for me she answered the door for an ASOS parcel! Just so rude.

I’m beginning to think it’s because my face doesn’t fit, if you know what I mean. Next door but one completely blank me, and have crossed the street when they see me coming. I didn’t bother knocking on theirs.
One of the neighbours across from me was initially friendly, so I thought. He came over asking who my landlord was, then preceded to blank me every time after.

I feel like moving again.

Gosh, how sad. We hadn’t finished unloading our furniture van when we moved in here when the neighbour was round with tea and home baking “for the boys”. It’s a “don’t suppose you’ve got a spare tin of tomatoes “ sort of street. We often give lifts to work if a car has broken down, hospital for an appointment, clear snow from the drives of those less able or lend bits and pieces. I can’t imagine living anywhere that neighbours wouldn’t answer the door.

I hope they improve OP. Anyone here would have watched your door for you.

This is sad. Some people here are saying they wouldn't open the door to you because you were asking them to watch your home. But that can't be the reason because they didnt open the door to even know that. And even if you had asked, they could still say no. It's neighbours that make a community. I've lived in good communities, where neighbours say 'good morning' and we can have a nice chat regardless of race, and I've lived in communities where everyone ignores each other. I know which one I prefer.' If my neighbour knocked my door I'd open it. Why would I ignore them, they' re my neighbour and they must be knocking for some reason. It might even be something important. I can't understand why anyone wouldn't open the door, but yet they'd accept a parcel soon after. It's sad.. They're sad OP. It's not you, it's them.

Try not to jump to conclusions about racism, as you’ll end up winding yourself up. No one in my area really opens their doors either, I think possibly combination of selfishness/antisocial/we do get annoying door-to-door sales people about once a month or so, who will talk your ear off until you sign up to some crap.

There is also a snobbery about “renters” as people assume that they’ll be crappier neighbours/not care about being pains in the bum to the rest of the street (of course this isn’t true) so it’s possible that the people who rented the house before you were a headache so now you’ve been tarred with the same brush (of course I’m only guessing). Most people are quite basic in their thinking about these things.

I’m going to go ahead and assume that you live in the south? Did you grow up in a more friendly neighbourhood? Most neighbourhoods in the south (particularly Home Counties) are pretty community-less/shut off, in my experience.

I’m lucky I have a lovely neighbour and we both lean on each other, but that seems to be the exception and not the rule. I wouldn’t worry about it too much, hopefully a lovely neighbour will pop up through the woodwork soon.

Depends on the area surely?

I know people from the 12 nearest houses and several from houses a little further out. One of my neighbours bought me a cake when we first moved in and has sometimes had eggs etc off us if shes run out.

The guy across the road has lent us tool occasionally we we have lent him some and he helps us get our caravan back on he drive if he notices us come back from holiday.

We've done babysitting for a neighbours children, helped another one fix their storm damage and been in several of our neighbours houses for a cup of tea or a get together.

You know why they didn’t answer, OP.
They might change if they get to know you better.
It’s up to you to decide whether you can wait until then. I’m so sorry.

This has never happened to me (that I know of) and I’ve knocked many a previously-unknown neighbour’s door in various different places I’ve lived. I’m white. I would strongly suspect racism played a part. Sorry OP.

I've been in my present house for twenty-five years. The neighbours don't knock on, and nor do I. We mind our own business. It's an almost enclosed area, no road.

There is also a snobbery about “renters” as people assume that they’ll be crappier neighbours/not care about being pains in the bum to the rest of the street (of course this isn’t true) so it’s possible that the people who rented the house before you were a headache so now you’ve been tarred with the same brush (of course I’m only guessing). Most people are quite basic in their thinking about these things.

I was going to say this. When we were renting especially in more established neighbourhoods there was massive snobbery around renting. I had someone threaten to report me for benefit fraud because they saw I was living with my 'boyfriend' who was actually my dh but they had decided that we were claiming fraudulently when in fact my dh worked evenings and I ran my own business from home so we weren't even claiming benefits. Lots of people don't like renters and don't see them as being worth the time of day. They guy probably took your landlords name so he would be ready to report you when you slip up because being a renter in his eyes you are bound to. It might not be the case though and maybe there are lots of rental houses in your street.

Do you have a partner? Do you clearly go out to work everyday? If not again there may be stigma because they think you are a lone parent on benefits?

I'm not saying any of these are good reasons to look down on you but they happen all of the time especially like I said in more established neighbourhoods where most people are homeowners/have lived there for a while.

I’d answer to known neighbours but not random never spoken a word to neighbour unless there seemed to be a good reason like someone else said covered in blood although again I’d probably just ask over the doorbell, I mean they could be the murderer rather than the victim after all.

so we are new here I’ve spoken to three neighbours, two I’d answer the door to, one can go forth and multiply with himself. Others close by I couldn’t even tell you if they was white or black, owner or rented etc and it’s of no importance to me.

Have you moved to some parallel universe OP?😂

I truly despair of where society is going. How no one is bothered with their fellow humans anymore and can't be bothered to open a door and have a quick conversation. I'm a fucking old gimmer and I'll give everyone the time of day. I live in a wonderful neighbourhood where we are all considerate and everytime I think I might move I read threads like this and sit back down comfortably

People can be such twats.
The end.
Hope you are ok OP.

For gods sake! She knocked on her neighbour’s door to ask for some help. They could have atleast answered through the window if they were scared.
The OPs neighbourhood sounds very odd. Like some kind of American horror movie !

What about being kind and helping neighbours? It was only two years ago we were in a pandemic and actively encouraged to help people. Just goes to show how some people have such short memories and how many people have forgotten already.

I think is smells more of batshittery, tbh. There's plenty of it on here when it comes to not answering the door.

I strongly suspect there would be a big overlap in a Venn diagram of "people who wouldn't answer the door to an unexpected caller if their lives depended on it" and "people who are finding excuses to continue to work from home" ie they are simply antisocial).

Sorry this happened OP, some people are just downright weird!! I always answer my door, and I would happily have watched your house for you.
We recently had new neighbors and they asked us to put their bins and recycling out whilst they went on holiday. We said yes no problem.

YANBU OP.

They didn't answer because as you put it, your face don't fit aka they are racists. Also they don't know you as a neighbour.

However I can almost guarantee they WOULD have opened if they knew you better despite the difference in your race. Because then you move to neighbour category and 'she's like us' rather than 'othered' caregory.

So many white people are in denial about this so you will be told it couldn't possibly be due to your race/their racism. Sorry OP. At least you know their true feelings now and can protect yourself.

Also, I understand some people don’t answer the door, for fear of cold callers or even con men, bogus callers.
But they can use a door chain or even answer from the upstairs window if they are that afraid.
But surely most normal people answer the door. It could be the Police ( even in plain clothes) or even a courier delivering a parcel, or the post code lottery people telling you that you’ve won 3 million pounds!

So, no-one takes in parcels for anyone?
Do you ever say hello if you see them when outside?

I chat to my next door neighbour over the fence. Her husband has Alzheimer's and she gets pretty lonely. We always say hello the the other neighbours, and socialise with two other households in the neighbourhood occasionally.

We are rural and get a lot of walkers. Everyone out walking days hello to anyone walking by in the opposite direction, even if they don't know them. It is the done thing.

Sorry to post again ! But to the OP this wasn’t just one neighbour, that ignored you but three of them. Two didn’t answer the door despite being home, one blanks you and the other was initially friendly but then also blanked you.
Surely they wouldn’t all be openly racist? It just sounds like such odd behaviour, really weird in fact.

So, no-one takes in parcels for anyone?

I'm not the person you quoted, but last time someone took in a parcel for us, they opened it and nicked half of it!

I myself often complain about how people - mainly white British middle classes - expect an appointment made 6 weeks in advance and you can't appear to be interested in being friendly because that will put them off being friendly (I grew up white British and middle class myself).

Also do you live in the south? If so, that's how people are, and I recommend you move to the north where people are friendlier. (I am from the south myself).

I'm working from home and the only time I wouldn't open the door is if they looked like they were about to sell me electricity /politics /religion / a charity direct debit / roofing services. Even then I'm more likely to open out of politeness and just say no thanks.

If you were my neighbour I'd have answered, been pleased to get the chance to say hello and happily watched your door and asked if you needed to borrow any tools to stop it sticking.

But then I've lived overseas and never did understand the extent of British reserve.

If it's that your face doesn't fit and you have been unfortunate to move into a racist area, that is awful and I'm sorry.

I do answer my door but if I'm upstairs then sometimes I don't hear it even though I have a bell turned up to the loudest volume. Other times I might not answer if I'm in the middle of work eg a Zoom meeting or work call. It seems odd that a lot of your neighbours were busy at the exact same time.
Asking someone to take responsibility for watching your front door is quite a big ask. - although obviously that didn't impact them not answering. Did you expect them to wait in your house or keep sentry from their window?

I can't imagine living somewhere for 25 years and having no interaction whatever with my neighbours. You don't have to be in and out of each others' houses or knocking on doors regularly but that sounds thoroughly miserable.

I don’t answer the door if I’m not expecting anyone.

I doubt it is anything about your face, and everything to do with the fact there are some people in real life who are like those on MN who won't deign to answer the door to anyone.
Odd, but there you are.