To think this woman is stupid

[Wellyboots12]

A few weeks ago I contacted a woman to inform her about her new boyfriends history, they had been together about two weeks at this point so by no means a serious established relationship. He has convictions for domestic abuse, 4 of his children were removed from their mother because of violence toward her from him - one incident saw the then baby caught in the cross fire and hit when he hit the mother.

That woman aside, he has beaten every woman he has ever been in a relationship with. He threw another ex down the stairs infront of her children, and headbutted another woman whilst she was holding her child. He served time in prison.

I sent her screenshots of articles printed in the newspaper and told her about all of the other information I knew. I urged her to do a claires law check if she had any doubts about anything I was telling her, as everything would be on there.

She was receptive and thanked me for letting her know, said she was gobsmacked but wouldn't stand for any of that. She's a professional woman and has had dealings with domestic abuse in her work life.

Fast forward to now and they're all over social media loved up and going on weekend breaks.

AIBU to think she's stupid?

I know only too well how hard it is to break away from an abusive relationship when you've been together for a long time, but if I knew any of this when I met my abuser (different man) I would have been running for the hills.

I think what you have done is admirable OP. I understand your frustration. I hope that good results from your good deed.

I'm pretty sure I would have listened yes, especially if I'd been provided with evidence of convictions and had the opportunity to access Claires Law.

Though if i hadn't of listened on the spot (not completely impossible to imagine as I was very young at the time I met him) I would've most definitely got out alot sooner than I eventually did, because the first time he showed any red flags my mind would've gone back to the warning.

Hopefully that will be the case for this lady.

No wonder males (not men in my eyes) lat h on to women on benefits as they're a free money tree and often a place to live too.
Benefits can't have been needed by the recipient if they were then given to someone who had no entitlement to the money.
Now there will be even more benefit money to be handed out to the next male who spins a line and becomes, as MN so quaintly puts it, a c* lodger.

• latch Above post was to @iheartmybeachhut

This thread shows the undesirable and tacky side of life. The poster who mentioned the Jeremy Kyle show, got it in one.

@Wellyboots12
You have given all the information she needs, how she uses that is in her hands only.
My daughter's ex was very abusive, I told the new gf and she ignored me. Luckily, she got rid after a while.

Can you elaborate?

Are you referring to any particular part of my post or is this just a dig at lower working class and disadvantaged people?

I think you need to stay out of her business. She has been informed of your opinion and had the capacity to make her own decisions. Leave them be.

I'm not in her business.

I 'left her be' after the one, single message I sent her warning her about the boyfriend.

Venting on mumsnet doesn't mean I plan to contact her again, nevermind contact him.

@LadyHooHa if you had a daughter who had unknowingly started a relationship with someone with convictions for DV, and who was known locally to have been violent to his ex partners; would you rather a fellow women with good evidence of this man’s danger to women (& children) to warn her about him? Or would you prefer for your daughter to be knowingly kept in the dark & therefore more at risk of suffering serious harm? Or as you say would you prefer that any potential informants “quietly be ready to help her, when it came to it?” -presumably you mean, once the damage had already been done?

Bonkers.

OP, I think you've tried to do the right thing by letting her know exactly who this man is.

Unfortunately though, you can't make her take your advice on board.

Part of supporting women who are experiencing domestic abuse is meeting them exactly where they are... she's not in a place to listen and act on the information. Maybe she's too loved up, maybe he's twisted things to make him appear not at fault. Whatever the case, let's hope that she has a good support network around her to help her if needed.

There really isn't anything more that can be done.

The undesirable and tacky side of life? I’m guessing you are speaking about DV so are you under the very wrong impression that only working class or Jeremy Kyle worthy women experience DV? Your post is vile.

OP I’m late to this but what you did was very very kind and she is a very foolish woman for not running a mile while she still can. Ignore the weirdos posting on here telling you that you’re wrong.

I don't blame you for doing it, but ultimately you can't control what other people do.

You read the daily mail, don't you?

You think the OP is unhinged?

Pumpkinsandkittens
your being deliberately annoying to op

She didn't know before, but she knows now.

At the moment, she's presumably choosing to give him the benefit of the doubt, but in the longer term - who knows? Maybe when he does start the abusive behaviour, at least she has been forewarned, and hopefully the penny will drop and she'll remember what she was told, and get out quick.

Definitely a daily hate reader woman spreads legs for benefits windfall type

Fucks sakes

You tried and your not pushing it sometimes that's all you can do some of us have been there and tried to warn the next one I heard of someone who was warned via her work she was with a man with a history of sexual violence she left her job moved house I would like to say it was to escape him sadly it was to be with him one day she might get hurt but he managed two years with his last ex before hurting her he plays the long game always has

Not as stupid as the woman marrying Levi Bellfield.

Wow, I hadn't heard about that.

She's comparatively safer than the woman in my OP though as that evil SOB won't ever see the light of day again. Thankfully.

If my daughter were to do that (and you can never rule anything out), and it just so happened that a friend knew for an absolute fact that the man in question was a violent thug, then yes, I would want her to say something. I would at that point find my daughter something very pressing to do in Australia or something - anything that got her away from such a man.

That, however, would be a bit different from the scenario in the OP, where everyone seems to know everyone else and to have slept with them all, too, along with having opinions on them and their dog. It's the parochial nature of it all that jars with me. Well, that and the OP calling the other woman "stupid", though the OP has at least retracted that.

Sorry, what?

Who has slept with 'all' of who?

I'm not sure what you're inferring to be honest.

The man from my OP has clearly slept with all of the women he has abused, that's usually the case in abusive domestic relationships is it not? Why do you say that with such surprise?

I hope you're not implying that the women were the promiscuous ones.

I do think he’s you’re ex but I don’t think you are being unreasonable to warn her about him.

He's really not my ex.

If he were I would have no problem saying so, why would I lie about that for the purpose of posting here where its all anonymous?