10yo DD called a “fucking bitch”‘ at school

[northlundunmum]

AIBU to think that the level of swearing at DD’s primary school is not ok? Usually this is boys, during playtime or PE…

Examples - Today’s PE lesson was Hockey DD tell me that one (partially unpleasant) boy (UB) repeatedly got her stomach and shins during the game - she felt on purpose. Her team won and at the end of the game (admittedly not her finest hour) she shouts out “ha ha we won!” - to which UB retorts to her “you fucking bitch”

She also tells me the boys regularly swear at her during playtime football (she plays on the girls football team) - they shout things like “kick the fucking ball!”

She learned the N word from another child at school.

Full disclosure: I do swear in front if my children when the situation call for it and talk to them about swearing. I always explain what swear words actually mean and how adults use them. I discourage swearing at home, but have said if they need to use a swear to acturately describe a shitty situation that that is ok but I strongly discourage using swear words to describe people or show off.

I’m sure there wasn’t this kind of language when I was at primary school - but is this just the norm now? Genuinely interested to know - how much swearing is there at your children’s primary school? We are in London - does that that make a difference?

YABU - swearing insults at each other is normal for 10yo these days - suck it up
YANBU - this is unacceptable - complain to the school

thank for your advice!!

First child?

Totally unacceptable. I'd be having a discussion with the school .

You may educate your child about swearing but sadly it seems the other children’s parents don’t.

YANBU. The teachers need to be made aware. Especially about the ‘N’ word. Absolutely vile for kids to be using these words. I hope your DDs okay.

Not much you can do about anything said away from school but on school primes is you are right, it’s absolutely unacceptable. Report and ask what will be done. It’s unacceptable for adults to swear in the workplace for goodness sake.

UB also doesn’t sound safe with a hockey sick.

Where is the teacher during the hockey lesson. Getting whacked on the shins I can understand ( the only memory I have of playing hockey at school) but how does someone get hit in the stomach. And the swearing is unacceptable and the teacher should be on that straight away.

We’ve accidentally sent our child to a really rough school. You should hear the way the PARENTS talk to the kids. It’s horrifying. We’re in the process of transferring.

calling her a B* needs to be reported to the school. adding the swearing to it is just the extra little bit that makes it worse.

I’m unsure on the comment during football. It depends on if similar comments are made towards boys and if teachers hear them and do nothing.

My DD9 came home today after learning the b word (doesn't matter which one). It is new to her.
The level of swearing I think in this age group far surpasses other years. I have a DD15 and when she was that age she never ever swore.
My younger has a right potty mouth. I don't swear, tell her not to and remove privileges but nothing works. I'm now a bit more laid back.
However she doesn't swear at other people and her world would end if she did.

I think kids that age definitely swear at each other when adults aren’t around. It happened at my primary school and that was in a nice area in the 1980s. However, I certainly wouldn’t expect the teachers to tolerate it during a PE lesson.

Not acceptable but my kids have went to affluent schools and rough schools (they had a transfer). Both as bad as each other but the posher kids are better at hiding nastiness.

it’s not exclusive to boys either the language on both sexes can be awful. Having said that my son plays football and from the age of 8 has regularly been sworn at by kids who are usually jealous of his ability.

it’s the state of society at the minute isn’t it? I despair.

This wouldn't be tolerated at my dc school. If it was reported to a teacher then there would be a sanction. I'm sorry op but you are also giving mixed messages - you swear in front of your kids but have rules about when it's ok or not?

'Kick the fucking ball' wouldn't bother me (from someone else's child during a match) They're trying out boundaries.

calling someone a 'stupid bitch' in that situation would be reported to school
AND the handiness with the hockey stick would have me at the school to see why they were not being adequately supervised!

but DD would also be getting what for for being an unsporting, rude, goady little madam.

Must be. Otherwise who would worry about their 10 year old daughter being called a fucking bitch 🤔

I can't get worked up over it.

My dd is bit older 13 but she told me a boy called her an ugly slut yesterday. It’s shocking. She doesn’t want me to tell the school but I think I will have to.

hockey at primary in May?

My ds is 9 and his friends language is shocking. He knows he'd be in big trouble if I heard him doing the same but I don't know if he joins in when I'm out of earshot I really hope not but it's probably likely to fit in.
The school would definitely not allow it though and anyone swearing would be punished. My dd in Yr 6 said that a boy called another boy the n word and all the other kids were really shocked and all hell broke loose when their teacher found out!

I’m 35 now and I remember on yr4 swearing was the cool thing to do but don’t remember using it for insults.

my DS is 7 and him and his friends swear a lot, hopefully not in an abusive manner. I try to reign it in

In schools with a number of children who are allowed unsupervised time with older siblings, or where adults at home swear openly, there will be swearing in the playground, sometimes from quite a young age. Schools should be on this very firmly but in some areas its almost impossible to stop children hearing swear words. If schools have a culture where swearing happens in lessons there is a big problem and they need to manage it. You definitely need to take this up with the school. I'd expect a serious response to the use of the N word.

But you need to think about your daughter's behaviour too. Many of the children who behave badly have little resilience and have extreme responses to feeling they've been humiliated. I've seen "well behaved" children light the touch paper and stand back and enjoy the fireworks. At her age, she should know better than to gloat about winning. Not pleasant. Perhaps teach her that actions have consequences, and if you are unpleasant to someone, you are quite likely to get unpleasantness back.

If racist language is unacceptable at schools so should sexist misogynistic language. The school should be coming down hard on it

Jesus Christ. I actually find this really shocking. It's not normal to be called a fucking bitch. I'd be raising merry hell. I'd certainly be talking to the boy's parents.

My 10 year old got called a bitch by a boy in her class - he whispered it under his breath at her during a lesson. He knew what he was doing. I wasn't going to report it. Kids need to learn to let this stuff wash over them and not take it to heart bit it was a couple of days before parents eve so I mentioned it. The teacher took it seriously and said DD should report this every time. There are a handful of awful kids in each class/year group imo who either have terrible or very relaxed parents or some other adverse stuff going on at home. I teach my kids not to copy or rise to it and ignore the perpetrator unless it crosses a line to abuse/bullying/racism etc.

Hockey at many state primary schools is a half term block of skills training which could happen any time in the year. There isn't a hockey season in most state primary schools.

But I also agree with bishy, your daughter should be kinder with her words, although no-one deserves to be called a fucking bitch