10yo DD called a “fucking bitch”‘ at school

[northlundunmum]

AIBU to think that the level of swearing at DD’s primary school is not ok? Usually this is boys, during playtime or PE…

Examples - Today’s PE lesson was Hockey DD tell me that one (partially unpleasant) boy (UB) repeatedly got her stomach and shins during the game - she felt on purpose. Her team won and at the end of the game (admittedly not her finest hour) she shouts out “ha ha we won!” - to which UB retorts to her “you fucking bitch”

She also tells me the boys regularly swear at her during playtime football (she plays on the girls football team) - they shout things like “kick the fucking ball!”

She learned the N word from another child at school.

Full disclosure: I do swear in front if my children when the situation call for it and talk to them about swearing. I always explain what swear words actually mean and how adults use them. I discourage swearing at home, but have said if they need to use a swear to acturately describe a shitty situation that that is ok but I strongly discourage using swear words to describe people or show off.

I’m sure there wasn’t this kind of language when I was at primary school - but is this just the norm now? Genuinely interested to know - how much swearing is there at your children’s primary school? We are in London - does that that make a difference?

YABU - swearing insults at each other is normal for 10yo these days - suck it up
YANBU - this is unacceptable - complain to the school

thank for your advice!!

Its bullying. Id report it to the school for that reason.

I would be more worried about how your daughter is treated, the swearing bit is irrelevant. Unkind is unkind. Maybe speak to the school about the behaviour.

I'm not sure if some people on here are living in a parallel universe.
If I went to the school every time my dc's were swore at I may as well live there.

Just reading through the posts..not all kids that swear are from ‘rough’ areas or homes. I went to private school & had a very upper middle class upbringing & my father swore all the time so it’s not reserved any type of people/families

@Hollygolightly86

Absolutely this. Always sounds worse on the posher kids if you ask me 😂. Like who are you trying to kid? 🤦‍♀️.

Wow, YANBU, personally I think that is shocking and my eldest is 15! My youngest is in year 6 primary and she was upset and surprised when a boy called her friend an idiot! I hear my teenager swear between friends when he is online but is quite rare and no name calling!

Good point!!

Really? You'd be ok with any of your children being called a fucking bitch? Personally it's not even the swearing part they bothers me, but the intent and the anger of the other child. Do you not mind your children being subject to that?

Yeah you should raise it with the school.

Didn’t you contact them when you found out she’d heard the N word used there?

It's horrible I agree, but I remember (like a pp) being called a 'fucking little bitch' and a friend being called 'fucking Little cow!' In a nice school in a little village in the 80s. It'll happen. I'd definitely say something to the school though about the hitting if you think it was deliberately.

In my dc's school noone would dare use the n word unless they were OK with getting beaten up.
If they got swore at they'd give as good as they got back again.
Secondary school, granted, but I think some people on here need to get prepared for what's ahead!!!

I agree totally with this.

Junior school playground language is vile;my friend was a lunchtime supervisor in a junior and she said you wouldn't believe the foul language thé kids come out with.

@tinierclanger I did report to the school about the N word incident. To be fair I’ve never had another report of it being used.

Definitely does, my father speaks properly plumby as well, he swore all the time with no regard for audience, I used to be so embarrassed

Ha, swearing isn’t a recent phenomenon OP

She’s 10 - she’s going to hear this!
Why would being in London make any difference ?!

I'm surprised she hasn't had worse before 10 tbh. At my old primary school I remember an older year 3 girl calling a boy in my class a smelly wanker and then she explained to us girls what it meant.

I would be really surprised if this sort of swearing was tolerated in our primary. I’d certainly be speaking to them about it.

(am not naive enough to think that the kids don’t swear outside school though)

If you report it he’ll deny it.

Best to tell him to fuck off. And then deny it.

sounds awful, but is the result of bitter experience.

Would you be happy to be called a fucking bitch by a work colleague?

its the swearing at her that’s really shocking and needs addressing, in schools I’ve taught at (secondary) there’s a distinction between swearing and swearing at someone. Which is aggressive and shouldn’t be tolerated.

i got pulled in when ds was about 7 because he swore in class, language he’d not heard at home but picked up at after school club!

@Hollygolightly86

He sounds like a hoot, I kinda like people with no filter 😂.

But you are swearing within your own home. Honestly I don't think you have a leg to stand on here. Do you really use the term "shitty situation" when you talk to your children?

But I’m assuming in the OPs home no one is swearing at people. Big difference between describing a situation as shitty and calling someone a fucking bitch.

At work you wouldn’t flinch at someone using the word shit to describe something, but you wouldn’t expect anyone to swear at you or anyone else.

You’re not being U at all, I have complained about this at our primary school too when my Y1 kid came home to tell me he’s learned the work “fucking”. I asked him if he knew what it meant and of course he had no idea but knew it was a bad word and was uncomfortable in his new-found knowledge. DD (KS2) regularly hears swearing at school. She has been called a bitch in the playground by a reception kid (little fucker!) and I roped in the head at that point, who gave his parents a rollicking. The teachers have responded saying they act whenever they hear it but they can’t hear everything and aren’t around at playtimes, which seems to be when most of it happens. I get the impression it’s very frustrating for them because primary school aged children should not be learning to wear at home (imo).

My kids have been taught that some people find it a struggle to communicate properly without swearing and we feel sorry for those kids who hear a lot of swearing or get sworn at themselves at home.

i swear a bit (bloody, bugger, crap, that kind of level) in front of the kids but wouldn’t say bitch shit fuck or the c-bomb in front of any kid, ever.