To go to a child's birthday party without a gift?

[Slagertha]

Dc has been invited to a birthday party, I've never not taken a gift when it's been a child's birthday party but currently have no money whatsoever. Would it be unreasonable/cheeky/embarrassing to still take dc? They really want to go but I feel put off because of this! X

Totally fine, presents are not necessary and just fill your house with mkre junk!

Wouldn’t this be a great time to change the culture of feeling obliged to take a gift ? Could invitations have a polite line such as “Please don’t bring a present” and parents work together to change things ?
Love the idea of a homemade card. Perhaps include a joke/rhyme/riddle. Please don’t feel obliged to buy something because others do. Hope things pick up for you soon.

Genuinely I would be really pleased. My kids don't really need much at the minute they have been lucky to get lots of things from our neighbours dd who is a couple of years older and has lots of lovely things she was finished with. They would both rather see a friend than a present anytime and we are all to well aware what it's like to be skint this last couple of years.

I have turned up empty handed to more than a couple of parties because of an Amazon prime fail(mine, not remembering until too late). Granted, the present usually makes it’s way later but if this were my child’s party and someone was genuinely so stretched that they couldn’t afford a present then I would be so upset if they a) didn’t come or b) spent money they didn’t have because of convention.

tbh if it was up to be I’d say no presents but my kids would go mad at that.

Replies on this thread to someone who is (albeit temporarily) hard up are shocking

• you can’t go without present
• borrow the money
• don’t you have an overdraft?
• x, y. z sell cheap tat you can buy
• try the charity shop
• check your cupboards for new unwanted gifts

WTF is wrong with people? There is a cost of living crisis and a birthday present for school friends is not a priority.

I’d rather see a family put their last pounds into savings for a rainy day, than buy my child tat.

I would love it if we could change the culture. I don’t like gifting or receiving presents for children's birthday parties. We did not have this culture when I was a kid! It’s unecessary and children today have far too much stuff, they cant possibly appreciate it.

Wouldn't bother me atall if someone turned up without a gift - taking your kids will be valued by the parents. Gifts shouldn't be compulsory 😊

I suppose there is another angle with this though that parties are really expensive and the hosts might have been under financial pressure too (as we all are ) and justified the cost of a party with the thought that their child will get presents back ? I used to dread the cost of birthdays and parties when we were skint and it meant I couldn't afford a big present as well as a party so had to get a small gift for my birthday child knowing they'd get presents from friends at their party.

Even a party at home can easily be £50 with food, prizes, party bags, cake

You absolutely don't need to take anything & you won't be the only one. Speak to the mother if you know her & it will make you feel more comfortable. Or see if you have something you can regift. The mother would be mortified if she knew you were worried.

A little girl went to my child’s party with nothing, I didn’t even notice until the mother told me a few days later she couldn’t afford it. I was glad her daughter came to the party as it made my child’s day and that was more important to me.

@BreezeofGreen that's a lovely idea

I’ve been skint recently and only had a pound. I scoured charity shops and found a brand new little game for 99p. I wouldn’t turn up without anything. Do you have something small you could sell to get a pound or so? X

Or could you put in the card that you will take them somewhere and a picnic or something in the future?

Same! We just hosted an all class party for our little girl and she just got way too much, we had big presents, little presents and no present from some. She had her friends with her and they had a lovely time and that’s all that matters.

I ended up overhearing one mum talking with the teacher one morning saying she couldn’t pay something to the school (think it was a class trip), she had brought a present, I felt so sad she was in that situation yet bought my little girl a present. It was such a thoughtful present too.

If it is a big party then I really wouldn't worry. Having thrown many large class parties, I have no idea whether everyone brought a present or even a card. We took all the presents and card home and I noted down who sent the gifts that we got so DC I could send a thank you note, and that was that. I didn't compare my thank you note list with my RSVP list at any time

What a nasty post

Op please take the kids to the party.
Honestly I would have no idea who did or didn't get my kids a gift.
All I care about is the kids having fun with their mates.
Sorry times are so hard......i hope and pray it won't always be like this, let the kids go to the party.

Omg this was me about 12 years ago. My dad had been invited to a party (all 3 and 4 year olds), and it was a few days before payday and I had no money whatsoever.

We still went to the party, but didn't take anything. We received a thank you card a week later that said 'thanks for coming to the party and thanks for the present'. There was a pile of presents at the party on a table, I expect the party organiser thought we had given a present as there were so many, tags normally get separated from presents etc.

I wouldn't worry, it matters more to be there rather than take a present.

My ds not my dad. Bloody autocorrect, so irritating

I'm glad you're sorted for it now OP, hope your DC has a great time 🙂

Please don't worry about bringing a present. The birthday child will probably just enjoy seeing their friends, and especially don't just go to 'poundland and buy tat' what's the point? One of the parents at my daughter's party was really apologetic as she forgot a present but I know in reality she is a single parent who is struggling with money. She said she will get one but when I said please don't my DC is just pleased to see yours she looked so relieved.

@MissMaple82 you're clearly in the minority then, and obviously teaching your children the same if it's all about the presents 😂it isn't rude at all. You would rather a child your DC is friends with miss out because their parents can't afford a present. Wow. That's shit for your child and the one missing out then. Kind person 🙄

No one should be going into their overdraft to buy little Johnny a present he'll forget in five minutes because Johnny's Mommy expects to be renumerated for throwing him a party.

Ffs.

Have you considered your raising your kids wrong?

DS is finally having a party for his 7th birthday.
He cares about who is coming (select group from school and two cousins cos it's expensive). He cares about having balloons there. He cares a out the fact he gets to go bowling.

At no point has he mentioned presents from his friends. He wouldn't turn around to one of them and demand to know where his present is either, like a PP's child. I'd be humiliated if he did.

Wrap something that youve already have at home.