Page 11 | To go to a child's birthday party without a gift?

Slagertha · 2022-05-11T14:38:48+00:00

Dc has been invited to a birthday party, I've never not taken a gift when it's been a child's birthday party but currently have no money whatsoever. Would it be unreasonable/cheeky/embarrassing to still take dc? They really want to go but I feel put off because of this! X

Blarting · 13/05/2022 23:59

Chakraleaf · 13/05/2022 23:51

This happened to me before. I took a card and pretended we left the present at home then I took it into school with me on the Monday when I had s bit more money. I only usually get a big bag of sweets and some bits from card factory. They have nice keyrings/pens/squashies for 99p

If a parent is struggling, 99p can be spent better than on tat, that the birthday child's parents would sneer at.

HalfShrunkMoreToGo · 13/05/2022 23:59

Dinoteeth · 13/05/2022 23:52

@HalfShrunkMoreToGo would you go to an adult party empty handed?

None of my friends would invite me to a party just because they want a gift out of me. Who are you socialising with that would prefer you to not show up than to show up empty handed?

Dinoteeth · 14/05/2022 00:03

Yes or No would you turn up at a party with nothing?

HalfShrunkMoreToGo · 14/05/2022 00:04

Dinoteeth · 14/05/2022 00:03

Yes or No would you turn up at a party with nothing?

Yes

HalfShrunkMoreToGo · 14/05/2022 00:04

Fucking buggy app keeps cutting off my posts.

Yes I would turn up to a party with nothing. Yes.

Blarting · 14/05/2022 00:05

Dinoteeth · 14/05/2022 00:03

Yes or No would you turn up at a party with nothing?

Yes

Wetblanket78 · 14/05/2022 00:27

If you have a contact number for the child's mum might be on the invite send her a text and explain circumstances. I'm sure she would understand and might have a small gift she could wrap from your child. I was never bothered about gifts when I had parties for my kids. They had everything they needed.

Wetblanket78 · 14/05/2022 00:32

HalfShrunkMoreToGo · 13/05/2022 23:59

None of my friends would invite me to a party just because they want a gift out of me. Who are you socialising with that would prefer you to not show up than to show up empty handed?

Show quote history

Usually adult parties you contribute to the party in some way. Either a bottle of wine or nibbles. But most adult friends would know they're friends financial situation. I'm sure they would say to they're to just bring yourselves.

Maybebabyno2 · 14/05/2022 04:33

Op, you need a gift box! Every christmas/birthday I put the duplicate toys from ds rediculous piles into my gift box with a post it note saying you bought it. Then I use those as gifts for birthday parties through the year.

Snowiscold · 14/05/2022 07:19

Maybebabyno2 · 14/05/2022 04:33

Op, you need a gift box! Every christmas/birthday I put the duplicate toys from ds rediculous piles into my gift box with a post it note saying you bought it. Then I use those as gifts for birthday parties through the year.

Have you read the thread? How insensitive can you be. Do you think there will be duplicate toys hanging around?

Tanfastic · 14/05/2022 07:50

When ds was small and if I were in this situation I'd have been able to find something he had to regift. There was always something lurking in the cupboard that I'd put away for a rainy day. I personally wouldn't feel comfortable sending him with nothing to hand over, even if was a 99p book from home bargains. I'll never forget when I stood my ground on teacher's presents and his face when he came home from school and said he was the only one that didn't give a gift but the teacher understood .

I'm more concerned that you have zero pence in your account and payday isn't looming. That's very concerning.

Tanfastic · 14/05/2022 07:52

Sorry I've obviously not read the whole thread before replying, didn't realise it was so long!

Original poster

Slagertha · 14/05/2022 08:11

Didn't realise this was still going! I'm quite shocked that people would see it as rude to go without a gift. The general rise in the cost of living has really affected us to the point where we have a nothing left in the fridge this weekend, the cost of gas and electric, food, travel for work, school lunches or dinners and every other bill that we have to pay for has been a real stretch. Life is expensive! I don't expect sympathy but can't believe that people truly can't believe I couldn't afford even a cheap gift. I really couldn't! Luckily I had a family member to borrow from, but some of you need to enter the real world. I would never see it as rude if someone came to my child's birthday celebrations empty handed because I appreciate how much of a struggle it is to get by myself!

Thank you for all your input, it's been an interesting read!

OP posts:

Original poster

Slagertha · 14/05/2022 08:15

Tanfastic · 14/05/2022 07:50

When ds was small and if I were in this situation I'd have been able to find something he had to regift. There was always something lurking in the cupboard that I'd put away for a rainy day. I personally wouldn't feel comfortable sending him with nothing to hand over, even if was a 99p book from home bargains. I'll never forget when I stood my ground on teacher's presents and his face when he came home from school and said he was the only one that didn't give a gift but the teacher understood .

I'm more concerned that you have zero pence in your account and payday isn't looming. That's very concerning.

Yes it's shit, the gas and electric rise has really affected us but I start a new job after half term so hopefully won't ever be in this situation again! X

OP posts:

londonrach · 14/05/2022 08:21

What I'd do. Get my daughter to make a card then look through her toys and regift something she has that's in very good condition eg small car etc. More that your child has something to hand over for your child. Honestly the birthday child and mum wouldn't mind especially if you explain. Hope things improve op

zaffa · 14/05/2022 08:31

If I were the parent throwing the party, I wouldn't care. It's not about presents, but about DD having her friends there. She wouldn't know there was no present (I haven't had a party yet but see the norm is to put things on a table for opening after everyone went home) and all she would care about is having fun.
I would hate for someone not to come for this reason!

edenhills · 14/05/2022 08:36

I would try to make a card and regift something. But if you absolutely cannot bring anything then still go. Most people wouldn't even notice, especially if a big party. Your presence is always worth more than your presents x

Lwren · 14/05/2022 08:41

Not read the replies but please go!

Loads of mums told me they couldn't come as they felt cheeky but were too broke so I made it very clear we just wanted their company not gifts my son was just as every kid is, was happy to run riot with his pals.

Blarting · 14/05/2022 09:00

Slagertha · 14/05/2022 08:11

Didn't realise this was still going! I'm quite shocked that people would see it as rude to go without a gift. The general rise in the cost of living has really affected us to the point where we have a nothing left in the fridge this weekend, the cost of gas and electric, food, travel for work, school lunches or dinners and every other bill that we have to pay for has been a real stretch. Life is expensive! I don't expect sympathy but can't believe that people truly can't believe I couldn't afford even a cheap gift. I really couldn't! Luckily I had a family member to borrow from, but some of you need to enter the real world. I would never see it as rude if someone came to my child's birthday celebrations empty handed because I appreciate how much of a struggle it is to get by myself!

Thank you for all your input, it's been an interesting read!

Tbh you want your child to play with like minded nice children, the grabby ones who think it's rude to not bring a present because they can't afford it are not the ones you want to nurture relationships with.

U can't understand the mentality of "just bring something that's a couple of quid" mentality either, surely if a family is struggling that much and they have a spare couple of quid, you'd rather they bought their own child an ice cream or pencils etc.

ChocolateHippo · 14/05/2022 14:00

I agree @Blarting . I would much rather someone who was struggling spent the money on their own child rather than mine.

I also wish (for both environmental and clutter reasons) that it was acceptable to say, "Presents absolutely not necessary, but if you do want to give something, a few quid (up to a maximum of £5) towards this thing my child is saving for would be great". But I don't think that's socially acceptable so am dreading the influx of presents at the whole class party we're having next month!

cigarettesNalcohol · 14/05/2022 14:35

Poundland sell books for £1

Blarting · 14/05/2022 14:38

cigarettesNalcohol · 14/05/2022 14:35

Poundland sell books for £1

Have you read the OPs posts? She's borrowing money to feed her child!

Blarting · 14/05/2022 14:38

ChocolateHippo · 14/05/2022 14:00

I agree @Blarting . I would much rather someone who was struggling spent the money on their own child rather than mine.

I also wish (for both environmental and clutter reasons) that it was acceptable to say, "Presents absolutely not necessary, but if you do want to give something, a few quid (up to a maximum of £5) towards this thing my child is saving for would be great". But I don't think that's socially acceptable so am dreading the influx of presents at the whole class party we're having next month!

I'd want to do the same!

MuddlingThrough1724 · 14/05/2022 19:51

We hosted a class party last year, and I absolutely promise you that nobody cares about presents, it is the birthday child enjoying celebrating with their friends that is the important part. We specifically asked for no gifts as are mindful of space, cost and waste, but inevitably some people did bring gifts, which although appreciated by my child were not necessary and had no bearing on her enjoyment.

Go to the party, maybe have a quiet word with the parents or ping them a text if you feel you want to, but nobody will notice or care. If your child can make a card or do a picture then I'm sure that would be lovely, and the idea of including a playdate invite if that is something that works for you and your child is a really nice one.

Ultimately please don't feel pressure or anxiety or stressed, that isn't the aim of anyone hosting, and am sure they would be horrified of they thought that the invite had made you feel that way.

Lots of love to you, times are tough for lots of people at the moment and you shouldn't feel any shame or embarrassment at all for having to prioritise spending in far more important areas.

Applegreenb · 14/05/2022 20:25

If I was the parent I wouldn’t care and be grateful not to have some tat around my house. I have been tempted to say no presents before but feel sorry for my DC.

please don’t buy the plastic toys that are 3 for £1 I just put them in the bin. If you have to take anything a £1 chocolate bar and 29p card would be sufficient. Or a £1 book