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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To go to a child's birthday party without a gift?

285 replies

Slagertha · 11/05/2022 15:38

Dc has been invited to a birthday party, I've never not taken a gift when it's been a child's birthday party but currently have no money whatsoever. Would it be unreasonable/cheeky/embarrassing to still take dc? They really want to go but I feel put off because of this! X

OP posts:
HalfShrunkMoreToGo · 11/05/2022 16:03

Slagertha · 11/05/2022 15:53

Unfortunately when I say no money I literally mean 0p. Things are really tight at the moment. Il have to see If someone can send me a fiver to borrow until payday x

Please don't borrow money for this. Just make a card, I wouldnt even think twice if someone showed up to DDs party with no card or present. Her primary focus is wanting her friends to be there. She would prefer everyone show up with no presents at all than no one show up because of worries about affording a gift.

Inchail · 11/05/2022 16:04

Have you go any Nectar points?

Hilites · 11/05/2022 16:04

No. I won’t expect anything for my children at their birthday party. I get that everyone’s circumstances may be different. I’d just get a book or something for him pay day or tell the host on the day you’ll get him something then, I’m sure they won’t mind. The birthday child will probably have more then enough

Maray1967 · 11/05/2022 16:08

Please take your DC. I would have been mortified if a child missed one of my DC’s parties because of money issues. It shouldn’t matter. DC get enough gifts and I would never have pointed out that they hadn’t had one from someone. I would have assumed that money was tight not that someone couldn’t be bothered.
We invited 3 younger brothers one year because we had to pay for 20 (laser party thing) and there were 17 in the class. One of the mums said something about bringing an extra gift - I said, no way!

Mindymomo · 11/05/2022 16:09

I’ve invited children from my son’s class who I know don’t have any money and I told their parents that they are not to get him a present. We also used to take this boy to other parties as parents didn’t drive and I would put his name on the card as well as my sons.

BreezeofGreen · 11/05/2022 16:11

Send a homemade card with an invite for a play date.

yourestandingonmyneck · 11/05/2022 16:13

BreezeofGreen · 11/05/2022 16:11

Send a homemade card with an invite for a play date.

That's a lovely idea

Coldnoseandtoes · 11/05/2022 16:13

The birthday child will get so many gifts, I really wouldn't worry about it. Get your DC to make a card, as PPs have said. I'd hate to think of someone missing a party because they didn't have a gift to bring, I'm sure most people would think the same.

WhatTheWhoTheWhatThe · 11/05/2022 16:14

Could you do a handmade card and an IOU a trip to the park and an ice cream?

I think if things are really tight then it’s better not to even waste a couple of quid on crap from the pound shop.

ChilledScandi · 11/05/2022 16:15

Do you have the ingredients so that your dc could bake some cupcakes?

Coldenough4snow · 11/05/2022 16:15

Just go. Handmade card in an envelope; place it on the presents table, and make yourself useful while you are there.

It is virtually impossible to match presents with people, so don’t give it a second thought.

julesover40 · 11/05/2022 16:16

Please don't put additional pressure on yourself. A quick text to child's mum and a home made card, is enough. Most parents are very understanding and would be upset to think a child had missed out on the party because of hardship. Take your child and have fun x

Blossomandbee · 11/05/2022 16:16

Do you have anything at home that could pass as new such as an unread book?
I really wouldn't worry, I wouldn't mind at all if it was my child's party and to be honest the presents usually get all chucked together in the chaos so it might not even be noticed.

dizzydizzydizzy · 11/05/2022 16:18

Take your DC to the party. Send your apologies to the parents about the gift. They should understand. In the end,
People hosting a party want people to come. I once had a party for DD and most people didn't turn up. It was so sad and I felt awful for her.

Pinkpigs · 11/05/2022 16:23

Just make a home made card and a teddy or some toy or book that the kids don't want and pass that on I've done it myself and you would be surprised of how many have and still do it

PinkWisteria · 11/05/2022 16:23

Please don't worry about this - take your child along and let them enjoy themselves. I would hate to think that a child didn't attend for this reason and can truly say I have never counted up presents/cards at the end of a party. Does anyone actually do this? To all the people suggesting the need to go and buy something cheap just to avoid going empty handed, please appreciate that 'no money' means just that sometimes.

arethereanyleftatall · 11/05/2022 16:24

I'm sure the host won't want your dc to miss out so would rather presence not presents.

But, the problem might be in your own dc notices it. So, I echo the others, make a card, make or regift something else, so that your dc has something to give.

In terms of finances, reframe it to remember that he will get food out and maybe an activity, so you've saved a bit by taking him.

nomistake · 11/05/2022 16:25

Go to the party. I bet the parents will be relieved that they aren't gaining another piece of tat. That's if they even notice you don't bring a gift

00100001 · 11/05/2022 16:26

I think your lad could at least draw a picture or something. Assuming he has crayons and some sort of paper/card?

PeppoPigg · 11/05/2022 16:26

How old are the kids? My only concern would be that the other kids pick up on it and tease him. But that is going to depend on who else is going.

MarJau26 · 11/05/2022 16:26

I would hate for someone to be worried about something like this. Great idea about a homemade card. Any new looking books lying around the house?

RishiRich · 11/05/2022 16:27

YANBU. I'd be very pleased to not have another present to hide and charity shop (DC never notice). DC would much rather have their friends attend than stay at home because they can't afford a present. Homemade card and job's a good'un.

JudgeRindersMinder · 11/05/2022 16:27

If it was my child’s party I’d be devastated to think you wouldn’t come because you couldn’t give a gift

CrispyTofu · 11/05/2022 16:30

A couple of children didn't bring a gift to my DS recent birthday party. I didn't bat an eyelid and my son didn't notice. Once of the parents said they'd forgot the gift and then offered to give him £10 the follow week. I realised they probably couldn't afford a gift and told them it was perfectly fine, that I was delighted they had come, as was my son and no gifts were required.

Go and enjoy the party Smile

ChocolateHippo · 11/05/2022 16:30

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. If I was the birthday parent, I'd be very upset if your son missed out on a treat (and a free meal!) because things were tough at home. So maybe just give them a heads up if you know them... things are tough for a lot of people atm.