To go to a child's birthday party without a gift?

[Slagertha]

Dc has been invited to a birthday party, I've never not taken a gift when it's been a child's birthday party but currently have no money whatsoever. Would it be unreasonable/cheeky/embarrassing to still take dc? They really want to go but I feel put off because of this! X

It would not not bother me at all if you turned up with no present, I wouldn't want someone getting themselves in debt just for a child's present. It's likely my child would must be happy to play with invited child.
I'd not really thought about it before, but because of this thread I'm going to remind my children at their birthday parties that not everyone may bring a present. I hope things get easier for you soon!

I don't think I would really notice or think much of it but if you can do something small, like a handmade card or a birthday slideshow to play at the party or a birthday photo collage with funny pictures or something like that, then do it. Small and simple but still doing the acknowledgement for birthday.

I would help DC copy out a little poem on a piece of paper for the birthday child and decorate it, maybe back it in cardboard. That plus a handmade card (which I do anyway).
I think that would be a sweet gift.

I think it’s really cheeky personally and wouldn’t do it, I’d rather my DC didn’t attend. DD went to a party a few months ago and said she was only one of two children who took a gift and it really took me by surprise, I think it’s really rude to turn up empty handed. If you’re totally broke and can’t even afford a 99p card factory card and a £2 book or something then I’d back out of the party.

Would you prefer your child's friend to not come to her party rather than turn up presentless?

DD went to a party a few months ago and said she was only one of two children who took a gift and it really took me by surprise
how did your dd know that only two children took a gift? Maybe only two dc took an actual package. Ime, it’s really rare for all gifts and cards opened while your dd was there And knowing how observant the majority of dc are about things like this, a £5 or £10 note falling out of a card could easily go unnoticed.

Parents have to pay alot of money per head and I'd be seriously pissed off if someone turned up empty handed
if I was that bothered about dc having presents, I’d not hold them a party but spend the equivalent on ‘stuff’ for them. As it is, I much prefer experiences and think a party is far better than more material things to fill the house with. I’m so sad that some people think it’s more important for their own child to get a present than it is for another child To attend the party. Let’s face it, if the parents don’t even have a spare pound, attending the party may well be the highlight of the week For that child, if there is no spare pound for a present, they aren’t going to be trekking out for exciting days out with their families.

Glad you got it sorted op. For future reference card factory do an offer of (I think) 10 cards for £1. I have them in because I can guarantee one of my teens will suddenly remember a birthday last minute! I also have a box of bits for presents. Last week I did a little gift bag for ds's friends party that was mini bath bombs and some other toiletries that I had spotted on clearance and bought after Christmas. For another it was felt tips and colouring stuff that I'd got in Tesco for around 50p per pack on a clearance offer. It really helps for when things are a bit tight and I need to put something together.

So you think it’s better for a poor child to do without attending a party, along with all the other things they usually have to do without as well? Shocking. The idea of a party is to provide entertainment and fun for the guests. That’s what being a good host is about. The birthday is simply the excuse for the party. Yes, most people will bring presents, but to deny a poor child a chance of fun and entertainment - and they might not get much of that - is pretty disgusting.

I can't see who it was that said there DD was only one of two kids who took a present.
My DS had a party for his birthday a few months ago, there were only a couple of gifts to open but every card had money or a voucher in it. TBH I'm so glad he didn't end up with 16 gifts that I'd need to store. He's still got his most of his money and eyeing up lots of Lego!

Why don’t parents think of the environmental impact of all these pointless presents too?

My child has lots of stuff she barely plays with. She doesn’t need a lot of presents, party bag tat etc. It’s just instant gratification and so damaging as it encourages empty consumerism. I’m trying to teach my child the opposite values!

I don’t know why this culture has come about. When I was a kid you only got presents from close family, until early teens when your closest friends would buy a present for sleepover party etc. Never for all/50% class parties. The presents I got were special and appreciated.

I’d love to see the back of present buying in primary schools, including for teachers(we are expected to contribute twice year by class rep!) My DC is invited to so many parties, we do decline quite a few invites partly to keep household budget down.

This culture puts unfair strain on poorer families.

It was @Squillerman , quoted above your post. Who would also rather the poor friends didn't come to her child's party if they aren't bringing wrapped renumeration.

Also how much attention was your child paying to the present pile?? I know at least one of DSs friends is getting him a gift card because he really wants to go and pick some presents himself so Judgy Squill Jr would no doubt be reporting back to Squillerman "ooh X didn't bring a present!!"

This culture puts unfair strain on poorer families. I suspect some parents find it a useful way to work out who they don't want their kids to be friends with long term. Ooh not Jamie darling, he's too poor to come to YOUR party!!

It think there has always been an etiquette of not turning up at a party without a gift.

Big class parties have come about with the advent of soft play centres and other party venues being available.

Back in the day people held smaller parties at home, but nobody really wants 10 kids in their house, with carpet and sofa at risk of jelly & ice-cream. It's much easier to hire a venue soft play or hall & bouncy castle and that in turn means it's then possible to invite entire class, cousins and a few football friends.

I wouldn’t turn up to a party without a gift tbh and being honest I do think other parents will gossip about it

Jesus, what have we come to that we judge parents if they can afford a gift?

The children bitey has record need for food banks and record poverty, lots on here would judge not bringing a present, even if it was tat with all the environmental waste issues.

To me parties should be a load of kids playing, no presents, no no arty bags, just fun,

What a sad world we live in,

Basically lots are saying OPs child should t attend.

So you think the child should be shamed not to attend a party. because of her parents financial situation?

Even if the birthday child wants them at the party? Shame on you and the other "gossipy" parents.

Did I say that? I said I think the parents will gossip not that they should. But yes turning up to a party without a gift is rude as far as I’m concerned

@PumpkinsandKittens so it's rude?

A parent should prioritise a party gift against food, or decline the party?

Shameful

Yes turning up to a party without a gift is rude.

It's really not, again you'd rather a child came with a gift but had no lunch the next day?

Came wit cheap plastic tat? That is more important than food?

What a shit world we live in that it's more important a child had a shit present to open.

I don't think anyone would want to see a child or anyone got without food to buy a gift but gift doesn't have to be £££
Many suggested low cost ideas, Some really creative mumsneters came up with some good cash free alternatives like offering a play date and a homemade card.

If someone turned up without a card I'd assume they'd forgotten it or the kid had left it in the car rather than they planned to turn up empty handed.

I'm completely disgusted by all the 'not taking a gift is wrong' type messages.

It's DDs 8th birthday tomorrow and I've spent way more than I should have done on the party, she's got everything she asked for and is very excited about the party. I'm doing it for her, because she couldn't have a proper party last year or any party the year before and because I can.

I couldn't care less if not a single kid brings a present and neither could she, what DD wants is to have all her friends together on a weekend, playing games and having fun with her, that's it.

This happened to me before. I took a card and pretended we left the present at home then I took it into school with me on the Monday when I had s bit more money. I only usually get a big bag of sweets and some bits from card factory. They have nice keyrings/pens/squashies for 99p

@HalfShrunkMoreToGo would you go to an adult party empty handed?

Adults sends invites to parties, saying don't bring gifts.... at least decent ones do!