What assumptions /judgements would you make about me / my life?

[Salisws]

I am 34, single, never had a relationship (don’t want one).
I have a phD and a professional career I enjoy.
I recently bought my own home, live on my own there with two cats.
I don’t lead the single party lifestyle, live in a rural town, all my friends are now married with families so I don’t see that much of them.
I have hobbies - I go running, do Yoga, help backstage with local Am-dram, volunteer with Scouts.
I go on holiday now and again, sometimes on my own, sometimes with my sister.

I am happy with my life. Yes I am lonely sometimes, but lonely because my friends no longer have as much time for me, rather than lonely for a partner.

I know women who would be/are desperately unhappy in my shoes, my life choices certainly wouldn’t be for everyone. And there’s that stereotype of the spinster with the cats.

I wonder what assumptions new acquaintances make about me when they find out the above? Do they think I live a sad and unfulfilled life, or that I have some sort of awful personality flaw?

If you know anyone like me, what did you think / wonder about them as you got to know them? Or what do you think / wonder about me having read my post?

Thank you

Not exactly helpful advice on what to do to help the OP feel better, is it?

Yes, lonliness makes someone vulnerable. It's one of the biggest risk factors for mental health.

I am smart. I have multiple qualifications and earn six figures. I'm also a lone parent and yes my mental health is vulnerable, because of various traumas. Being educated or having a good job doesn't make somebody a viable emotional punchbag.

It is never ok for someone to be mean to someone like that, who is reaching out for help and posting for support.

Could we just focus on the OP and supporting her, please? If you disagree with what I've written just post your own advice to her rather than trying to start a bun fight with me, focus on helping her.

Actually OP, I know several women in the same position as you. I don't think it's so unusual for women to live in the way you do. I don't have any friends who live a 'party lifestyle' tbh, most are doing similar hobbies to you - running, hiking, etc. and partners are not a priority (although none of these friends have said that they don't want a relationship, it's just not a priority). No kids either.

To answer your OP, I wouldn't assume anything. No negative perceptions whatsoever. Just someone else's life, nothing extraordinary. In the nicest way!

I'm not saying there is anything "wrong" with the OP. Where did you get that from?

I am saying that people who are feeling like they don't "belong" somehow because they are living life in a slightly different way to others in their peer group so not need judging and being made to feel worse. When actually their life choices seem to be very good ones.

Nobody post here unless they are asking for opinions or help, that's kind the point! Sorry you got so upset about me giving mine. Not sure why but I guess that's for you to figure out, not me.

Strong and independent, and financially savvy.

An envious position to be in

Depends on how you represent yourself. A friend of mine was single for many years, had a really full life but would always talk about meeting a guy.

If you aren't doing that and project happiness and contentment, I wouldn't think a thing, we all make lifestyle choices that's yours.

I would think that it is great that you're happy!

I started being attracted to boys from the age of about 6 and been in relationships almost continually since being a teenager and I'm in my 50s. I love being in love but I have also spent many years unhappy in my relationships for various reasons.

I also always wanted kids. Had I not wanted kids, like one of my best friends, it would have been different.

I now have what I consider the perfect life. I live on my own with my kids 50/50 and I see my boyfriend a few weekends a month.

My friend who has been single most of her life and didn't want kids is an introvert and my life would stress her - kids, social life etc. So we are each happy with our lives.

You don't need to justify your choices or life. And when you see so many women suffering at the hands of men , I think you're the clever one.

You sound confident, happy and fulfilled ... and I would like you as I am an ex Scout Leader myself!

You also sound a bit like a sibling of mine ... never had a relationship (to my knowledge) but leads a happier, more fulfilled and interesting life than many people I know.

The idea that we need to be in a relationship and have DC to be 'happy' seems to me to be a bit of a myth ...

That you are a good intelligence agency, staff member.

I tend to think people with lifestyles similar to yours are very interesting and gravitate towards them when it comes to making friends. I don't have kids and have a professional career. I am married (same sex relationship) but we are very independent and I enjoy meeting friends by myself. I am an introvert so this suits me.

Laughing out loud at those assuming Op might be 'on the spectrum' because she is single.

@Salisws there are lots of wonderful people like you and you are living a perfectly normal, healthy life that is right for you! Many many people can't say their life is good for them, so you are winning there! It sounds like you have a full life, give back and like I mentioned have much others may dream of!

My only 'judgement' is that you probably have a bit more free time than some of us. But free time to do all the wonderful things like you are doing.

Keep living your life without fear of what others think!

I was just like you except it was two dogs and my hobbies were reading and church choir and I sometimes vacationed with my parents.
I was very content with my life -- except I wanted to be a mother. Not a wife. Not to have the experience of pregnancy and childbirth. Just to be the mother of a child. So I adopted one. Then another one. And I have never regretted my choice or direction of life.

You sound great and very similar to me. I’m actually seeing someone right now but for years was single and very happy with it, and totally at peace with the thought of being single forever, even looking forward to all the fun stuff I could do in middle age and retirement. I also bought my flat alone, am very independent and self sufficient, don’t want kids and have no desire to marry or live with my partner.

My immediate thought would be you’re probably much more interesting and intelligent than people who just bumble along doing things you’re ‘supposed’ to do like get married, kids, settle into a boring life in suburbia, without giving it much thought. I’d much rather be friends with someone like you than someone ‘conventional’ because I’m always critically thinking about things, especially societal expectations.

I think your life sounds rather nice, especially to some like me who loves her own space and living alone. You’re an accomplished woman, and it sounds like you v much have your shit together.

The only part that needs some attention is the lonely part. If you can sort that, I think your life will be enviable to a great many people. Loneliness is not healthy, that’s my only concern about your otherwise, rather lovely lifestyle. Although I do appreciate that part may not be easy to resolve.

I want my DD to have a variety of role models, including women like you.

Nobody's life is perfect. You have the time and resources to tackle the aspects of your life that you don't like, which is a good place to be.

I would assume you're a strong, Independent woman who leads a quiet but interesting life. It sounds like you have plenty of hobbies. If you do get lonely sometimes you could add more to the mix!

I work with a couple of women like you, OP. One is very much in the ‘say yes more’ camp, she is curious and is open to new experiences, she is engaging. The other one is very rigid in her preferences.
All 3 of us run. The sociable one would come and announce she’s looking for new running shoes, what do we wear, can we recommend a running shop etc. The other one would state she always buys the same brand, that most running shoes are gimmicks, she wears them till they fall apart etc. Which is fine, but I feel she fails to see that engaging in a conversation might be beneficial. She uses tarmac shoes for trail and she had no idea why her feet are killing her.
People are always seeking connections, I have been guilty in the past of forgetting this, because I was perfectly content with my solitude. But it’s also a slippery path to aloofness.

I would assume that you have time to read whole books, or watch what you actually want on TV. And that you have the flexibility (and probably budget) to be spontaneous, and to have real hobbies or projects.

I lived on my own all through my twenties, and I absolutely loved it. I do love my husband and children, and I'm not constantly pining for my old life, but I can easily imagine a slightly different set of circumstances where I'd ended up living happily alone forever.

(I do really enjoy sex though. But I'll be honest, it took quite a few years of being really quite indifferent about it to get here. Plus, peri-menopausal hormones are A Thing!)

I think it’s fairly obvious that you’re not that content with your life, because if you were you wouldn’t care what people think.

It’s a case of the lady doth protest too much.

I could care less how other people live their lives as long as they’re not hurting anyone. If someone felt the need to ask what I thought of how they lived their life or felt the need to tell me how they were living their life then I would be certain that something was missing for them, and that they needed validation that their choices were ok.

If you were confident in your choices then you wouldn’t be asking the question here.

I'd assume being single was your choice, because it clearly makes you happy. That would set me wondering about why so many women still think that coupledom and/or children are what will make them happy.