What assumptions /judgements would you make about me / my life?

[Salisws]

I am 34, single, never had a relationship (don’t want one).
I have a phD and a professional career I enjoy.
I recently bought my own home, live on my own there with two cats.
I don’t lead the single party lifestyle, live in a rural town, all my friends are now married with families so I don’t see that much of them.
I have hobbies - I go running, do Yoga, help backstage with local Am-dram, volunteer with Scouts.
I go on holiday now and again, sometimes on my own, sometimes with my sister.

I am happy with my life. Yes I am lonely sometimes, but lonely because my friends no longer have as much time for me, rather than lonely for a partner.

I know women who would be/are desperately unhappy in my shoes, my life choices certainly wouldn’t be for everyone. And there’s that stereotype of the spinster with the cats.

I wonder what assumptions new acquaintances make about me when they find out the above? Do they think I live a sad and unfulfilled life, or that I have some sort of awful personality flaw?

If you know anyone like me, what did you think / wonder about them as you got to know them? Or what do you think / wonder about me having read my post?

Thank you

@Salisws by 'conventional' people I suppose I mean the types who like to follow certain norms ie. being in a relationship. You may puzzle them if you don't want the same things they want. I am a bit like you and feel I have been judged somewhat negatively by some in the past. I seem to be confusing and mysterious to them. Most people don't give a shit though so it's a certain type I've come across who are in a minority.

I wouldn't judge you in any negative way. I'd just make a mental note that we have nothing in common.
I would assume you are content.
I might wonder if you are on the spectrum.

Those things would happen in the first 10 seconds (like they did reading this). From then on, if I'd get a chance to know you, my impressions would expand and modify.

I absolutely love this too:

Maybe your life is what the Suffragettes hoped more of us would get to enjoy.

Thanks so much to the PP who posted it. I honestly found it inspirational.

OP - I’d want to be friends with you! I’m late forties, never had a long term relationship or been married or had kids. I have two careers, which I love, and live alone with my cat. Always on the lookout for more single childfree friends.

Ahh thank you so much for the lovely comments!!

I’m not sure why I care. I suppose if you all tell me that you assume I had awful personal habits, or that every other person like me you’ve ever known has been miserable, I would make a mental note to convey to new acquaintances that I have a neat and clean home and am not constantly miserable!

Nobody has the right to judge you for living your life the way you want to live it! It’s completely up to you. You sound content and fulfilled. It’s none of anyone else’s business how you live your life. My first thought if I met you would be - ooh I want to meet her cats! And my second would be - what a strong confident woman.

I’d assume you were asexual, or lesbian but in denial about it, or had trauma in your past that made you want to stay single.

But… I wouldn’t care or even be very interested in someone else’s lack of love life to be honest. I’m not sure it would particularly cross my mind if I hadn’t been asked to think about it.

@GreenNewDealNow Thanks for coming back! I get what you mean, I do think I puzzle some people.

@HelenMirrensWeightedBlanket Lovely to meet a fellow happy single childfree person! You sound great, I’m sure we’d get on well 😁

I'd secretly assume you might be attracted to women but not confident enough to explore that? And maybe a bit stuck in your ways.

I know more than a few women like you. I work in academic science - lots of PhDs and very driven, unconventional characters.

The only thing that stuck out for me was that you say you are sometimes lonely because your now married friends or those with children have less time. I don't see that with the people I know, but that might be more of a reflection on me i.e. I was married and do have children, but absolutely maintain my friendships with the friends I made many, many years ago, but whose path has been different to mine.

If someone is happy and not doing illegal stuff then I don't judge.
I imagine new acquaintances might make judgements because lifestyles that lie outside of the conventional tend to do that, but if they are decent people then once they got to know you (and I mean just that, NOT that you've had to somehow explain or justify yourself) then all would be fine. Maybe judge isn't the right word - curious maybe. I guess that would get tedious though.

I would see you as that rare breed of a woman, a breath of fresh air. Taking full responsibilty for your own happiness, not taking the easy way out and expecting someone else to do that for you. Not hating , blaming or shaming the whole of the male population because of poor decisions on your part previously or believing all men are monsters thanks to the media headlines.
Not bending to conform with old fashioned beliefs, living life on your own terms, untethered, unshackled.
Doing what is expected of you doesn't make you happy or fullfilled.
I am a great believer that happiness is not about getting all you want, but enjoying all you have.

Apart from the running, and I'm older than you, sounds pretty similar. It's rather nice to be an independent woman.

You found awesome and I love your life!
I have to be honest though, I find it highly unusual that you've never had a relationship.

I honestly thought you might have been my best friend initially. Except she doesn't have cats. And has a few friends who also haven't done the marriage/partner/kids thing.

I'm a divorced single mum of two and am constantly jealous of her life. She's fab. It doesn't strike me as weird at all that she has no interest in a relationship, she's simply just very happy in her own company and likes not being answerable to anyone else in how she lives or what plans she wants to make.

As I say....I'm very often jealous of this

You live in peace and you are true to yourself. You know what you need and you’ve honoured that. I have nothing but respect for you.

I think you sound like an independent, interesting person that I'd like to get to know.

I am a lone parent. I'd say my friends are equally split between married parents and single women or men with no kids. I am late 30s.

You clearly have a full life and are intelligent. Your post makes me think you feel a bit down that your friends are maybe moving through different stages of life but we all do. True friendships change for a while depending what else is going on in people's lives but survive that, it shouldn't matter.

I have a couple of friends like you and I do worry what will happen to them in old age.

I am married with children, so in a different situation, but you sound just like the kind of person I would love to be friends with.

I think you sound inspirational.

Presumably they will get old, as all people do.

What a nasty comment.

Having a partner or children is no guarantee of anybody being there for you on your old age. Having friends may or may not be, also.

People cannot live their lives based upon that idea, or they may be sadly disappointed. Also life is for actually living. Pensions are retirement plans, not putting a burden on people close to us who should be living their own lives. I'd hate it if my children ever had to care for me and am saving to make sure - as much as I can - that this would never happen.

I think what you said was very cruel, to somebody already feeling lonely and a bit lost.

OP there is still lots of time. Lots. Please do not listen to the cruel comments. It takes some of us longer than others to find our "tribe" and feel happy but it can be done.

@GiraffeInTheSky
That's a stretch to call it a nasty comment.

It's what the poster would think. They might be projecting their own insecurities but it's just a thought. And not even from a bad place at all.

Really? A clearly vulnerable poster says she feels very alone and doesn't know how to connect with people then that poster effectively implied she'll be lonely in her old age and you don't think that's callous and inappropriate and cruel?

Ok then.