To not tell parents when i’m in labour?

[Grapes89]

We have told our parents we won’t be telling anybody when I’m in labour/go in to hospital and they seem upset - didn’t say much but went very quiet. I explained my reasoning of just wanting to focus on giving birth and not updating people. What if it takes days and they’re constantly messaging and my Mum is a massive worrier and I’m not going be in a position to deal with that!

We’d tell both sets of parents first. I said that we’d be in contact the morning/
afternoon/evening baby arrives to let them know and they can come round after we’re home (probably the next day). I’d love to say a few days with no visitors as just can’t imagine trying to establish breast feeding with an audience but feel too guilty to ask them to wait that long!

The only person we intend to tell is the person who’s agreed to look after our pets.

For me, Labour sent me into a sort of primal state. I wanted total privacy with DH and the midwife as long as she engaged in no chit chat. I was in my mental and emotional cave. Any updates of any kind would have felt as if I was being observed and made me feel inhibited or interrupted.

I love my Mum, we have a great relationship, but I spoke to her on the phone when I was 8 or 9 Cms and didn’t tell her I was in labour. (Home birth).

CoalCraft · 11/05/2022 15:29

I didn't tell people I wasn't going to tell them I was in labour, I just didn't tell them! We rang the relevant people up shortly after the birth to let them know.

This! Telling them you aren't going to tell them just causes more worry.

My parents didn't know I'd gone to hospital, gave birth at 4am, waited to 8am to call. Only to be told mum had been awake for hours, didn't know what woke her, but she woke at 4am!

This was perfectly normal behaviour in the not too distant past. Mine were both born before mobile phones/texting etc and it was normal to go into labour, go to hospital, have baby, husband/partner find a payphone and phone grandparents. It seems now that everyone needs a blow by blow account.

we didn’t tell family or anyone (apart from my best friend the second time and a whole BC birth group!) when I was in labour. My mums a real worrier too and the last thing you need is texts or calls asking how things are going. We didn’t announce we weren’t telling them, we just rang when baby was born, which was a nice surprise

Get used to offending people, there's always someone not happy with what you do, how you raise them, how you feed them blah blah.

Exactly this ^. My life has been so much less stressful since I adopted the mantra "you can't please everyone so you may as well please yourself." To shake off the shackles of trying to please everyone has been liberating.

Yeh I agree it's a good idea not to, my mum knew I was in labour the first time and she was a pain in the arse, moaning if I didn't answer every text within 5 minutes, I was only there for 4 hours before DD was born, she would've been a lot worse if I had been there longer.

Devastated?! How dramatic. There’s absolutely nothing devastating about wanting some peace whilst birthing. Go for it OP!

I’ll be doing the same and I won’t want people round for many days, let alone as soon as we get home 😂