To judge them a bit?

[Judgeygem]

My friend is 30 and on paper has a life I would envy, has a gorgeous house so much so it has its own Instagram account and lots of followers, goes on nice holidays a lot, plenty of money, cute kids, always dresses nice, always has her nails done! I went to her wedding last year and it was lovely and clearly expensive but I just couldn’t get over her husband. She’s 30 and he’s 45! He is handsome and younger looking than his age but I couldn’t grasp why such an attractive vibrant women would marry someone who’s going to be an old man so soon? I saw them today and couldn’t help but judge them a bit, though they look very happy. AIBU? Why do women shortchange themselves in this way?

She'd have been shortchanging herself far more if she walked away from happiness just because of an age gap.

Oh stop it OP

My DF was 10 years older than my mother, and considerably more active. When he was 80 and she was 70, it didn't limit either of their lives. Ditto when he was 90, when he was still riding his bike, organising the garden, writing a computer programme for his finances, etc etc.

You are making some ludicrous assumptions.

The only "waste" here is you spending your time judging someone else's happiness. Ever think it might be you getting a shock later on in life when you realised you spent your time being bitter?

It is her husband you seem to have the most issue with, that’s what this is mainly about, he’s attractive, loves her, and I’m guessing he is successful.

is that what you want for yourself really op? A successful handsome man who loves you and provides for you, someone like him? and that’s why you are so pissed off about him specially? You don’t feel you will be able to get a man like that and are bitter and jealous she has?

I’m judging you for not being able to spell ‘woman’ in your OP.

woMAN - singular
woMEN - plural

Easy, isn’t it?!

That’s all I have to say about your query.

You didn't name change because you knew it was "judgy" you name changed because you knew it was patently stupid immature nonsense that you were posting Op.

It doesn't sound like a waste of a life at all. She is doing better than a lot of people ever will.

I couldn’t grasp why such an attractive vibrant women would marry someone who’s going to be an old man so soon?

As a soon-to-be 46 year old (woman), you lost me at this point 🥹 'old...so soon' - er WHAT?

Otherwise I assume this is a poor attempt at a wind up, no-one could be this stupid

What is your partner like @Judgeygem ?@Judgeygem ? Do they make you laugh? Similar interests? Similar sense of humour? Do they make you a cuppa every morning? Do equal share of the nappy changes? Does your friends partner do that?

Its very immature to assume that age matters more than all that.

You could marry a guy thirty years your senior then get run over tomorrow and he could end up as your carer. You could marry someone your own age and he could die the year after.

I'm 53 and will be collecting my pension in two years, DH will be doing the same at 55 in just over 5 years time.

We travel a lot but when he finally finishes, that's it, the world really will be our lobster! 😂

Maybe we should book one way tickets to Dignitas instead OP?

You sound very immature. 'Old man soon' at 45?

You're friend is obviously mature enough to realise that there's a lot more to a person than the date on their birth certificate, and isn't ageist like you, OP.
If they love one another and make each other happy, nothing else matters.

Least of all your opinion.

Wow..... Just wow!

You could marry someone your own age and they could die tomorrow! You do you and let everyone else do as they please. YABU

Older women may not remember what it felt like to be 30, or 27 as the op is. I remember and I would have thought a 45 year old man was much older, a different generation, and not someone to marry and have a romantic relationship with.

Women often marry for money, status, house, car, connections. The news is full of women of 30 marrying older men 15, 20, 30, even 40 years older. As long as they are wealthy/famous. Love isn’t important to these women who are often beautiful and accomplished themselves and could have their pick of men at the same level and age. It’s about gaining a much higher level of status and power they couldn’t get on their own.

Depends on the person, you know your friend pretty well. You’re 27 so naturally you’d see this man as much older.

My closest friend married a man 13 years older than her.

He outlived her

Yo sound very jealous!

Eh, come again?

I could be the woman described in your OP (barring the tacky Instagram home account) - but it's never occurred to me that some people may feel sorry for me because of the 12 year age gap between myself and dh! How strange 😂

Its my guess that you are quite envious of her and wish you had her life so you have to find fault with something?

😂😂😂😂 you have alot of growing up to do @Judgeygem you sound much younger even than 27. Have you been in a proper relationship?

45! One foot in the grave!

Good grief.

Bless you. One day you will be all grown up and look back at this and cringe.

please tell your friend about your views so that she can say goodbye now.

I’m mid 30’s. My DH is the same age. Yes I remember being 30, and 27, it wasn’t long ago.
I still think the OP is being ridiculous. Nothing she has said indicates that the woman has married for status.

Oh fuck off.

Shallow much? Love is love and he sounds like quite a catch to me.

45 is hardly one foot in the grave! DH and I are in our 60s and our activities haven't changed much since we were in our 40s. In fact, in retirement we have the energy to go more and do more since our DC are grown and we don't have the 'energy burdens' that go along with child rearing.

Why don't you come back in 20-30 years and see how your perspective has changed.