To think everyone needs to get a bloody grip

[crochetmonkey74]

Lighthearted -I'm so sick of everyone being so flaky after the pandemic. Last minute cancellations, emails not replied to for far too long, friends being just all a bit wet about everything. Anyone else feeling totally fed up and want to tell everyone to get a bloody grip

Yeah, i agree 'because covid ' is still being trotted out as an excuse for anything people dont fancy doing.
Move on

Harsh version of the truth here:

I haven't "stopped bothering" with anyone who really mattered to me. Covid acted as a sieve to my social life.

I freely admit that I only bother my arse for the relationships that matter. If my personal trainer spent more time worrying about me than you did (when I was both battling long covid and then signed off with stress), then no, I'm not going to your thing when I'd rather be doing my own thing.

Less harsh rationalisation:

Two years is a long time. Friendships tend to evolve naturally in that length of time, and it might be more obviously abrupt now that people have changed more dramatically. And covid is an easy excuse to play if you're a bit shy of telling the unvarnished truth (as above).

but it has pushed a lot of already tired people over the edge

It has, but still not reasonable to offload that tiredness or fed-up-ness onto other people. Who are also knackered and fed up and worn out!

At my work we have moved back to needing to do some visits to places in person. There have been issues about this because some people don’t want to or don’t feel safe or comfortable or whatever else, or have for whatever reason not committed to doing it or said they would but then pulled out. This means that other people have to do it - other people who are also tired and have worked through the pandemic, who also don’t particularly want to get covid, who also have kids or dogs or unreliable trains or whatever, and are now picking up the slack for other people on top of all that.

But again, I doubt you have lost all your manners and normal social behaviour or the skills in your job that you are contracted to do (like replying to emails)

It is of course no problem to change friendships, phase them out etc etc - we all do that- lots has changed for all of us- I am speaking about how people have forgotten really basic skills and duties

I sort of agree with this. It definitely makes sense to do less legwork to keep up with people who dropped off the radar "because COVID" and people are more time-pressed than ever.

BUT I also think people can be quite unforgiving and short-sighted about this. The reality is that friendships flex and adapt over time and its perfectly natural that you can go a long time without seeing people, particularly during a pandemic. That doesn't automatically mean that those people no longer have any utility to you or that they don't care about you.

A lot of people seem to take the approach of ruthlessly and pointedly "pruning" their social circle and cutting out anyone who they haven't seen in the past month etc on the basis of "no time for people who aren't there for me". I think sometimes this can be an example of cutting off your nose to spite your face.

In reality, maintaining any network, whether that's a friendship network or a professional one, sometimes requires a bit of work and sometimes having to do things you wouldn't really want to do. We don't have to say yes to everything but we do sometimes have to say yes to some things or our worlds become very small and inflexible.

In reality, maintaining any network, whether that's a friendship network or a professional one, sometimes requires a bit of work and sometimes having to do things you wouldn't really want to do. We don't have to say yes to everything but we do sometimes have to say yes to some things or our worlds become very small and inflexible.

THIS!!!!

This is what we are meant to be teaching our teenagers but I worry we are not

I'm not getting any of this from friends, but I am sick to death with the Royal Mail, DVLA, passport office and the like still not being able to get back to some sort of regular service. The RM recently took 11 days to get something sent first class delivered for example.

Totally YANBU.
We all have our problems, that's how it is, some cope better, some don't.
BUT if you work somewhere then be so kind and do the f*king thing you are paid to do, or leave the job and stay at home until you feel well enough to continue, but do not, please, do nothing or work slovenly and expect to be pitied or paid in full for not doing your job. It just isn't fair to anybody, including yourself.

I am a teacher so swamped with emails and it is hard to keep up- but we have some staff (like PPs have said it does tend to be the youngest staff) who will sometimes take up to 2 weeks to answer an email.
The problem with this is they become a person who can't be trusted to use common sense or a person who 'doesn't answer their emails' which then means a more responsible member of staff then has to take time out of their free to go and get the child/ make sure they have the message that their parents can't pick them up or whatever- so then our reliable staff end up looking after the kids and these staff- and no, we couldn't just all check out and not do it as how would we safeguard the kids?
And before we get people jumping on here saying half our emails are rubbish and don't need a reply - I KNOW- I feel the same- but our job is to filter them, prioritise and act appropriately.

@FarFarFarAndAway - I think everything you said in your post this morning is so true.
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I woke up this morning thinking I was feeling quite a bit better - got back to emails / sorting work out - but now just feel totally wiped out again. Both very frustrating and worrying. I agree, I really want to avoid this again, if possible, but just feel with the prevailing ostrich-head-in-the-sand approach of so many (not least the government) we are doomed to be on a vicious loop unless people are willing to accept it and change behaviours.
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There seem to be two camps on here - those that realise the enormity of it all (personal experiences? Empathy? Age? All of the above?) and those that are saying, "Oh come on, everyone's being so self-indulgent now, just get over yourselves and back to it"... as if by their sheer grumpy willpower they can erase all the impact of the last 2.5 years

@crochetmonkey74 - the email thing isn't a covid thing - I'm in academia, similar email overload to teaching I'd imagine, and it was just as problematic before covid.

It is some younger (30ish) colleagues - usually male (actually in my experience always male, but that may just be me) - who constantly drop the ball and expect their more dedicated (and usually female) colleagues to pick it up and sort it out. Often marking. Or complaints. Or just not turning up to teach with no warning.

And you only need one or two in an organisation who are like that to create enormous strain and loads more work for everyone else. But it was ever thus- that one ain't covid!

That's true but I think it's not as frowned upon now- cloud cover as someone else said!

I have been receiving treatment for breast cancer and whilst I am now in the "clear" I still wear my mask out shopping, keep a good distance from others and generally keep alert - I have not had Covid and do not want it thank you. I see it as a necessity to take care of myself as noone else will. So if you see me out mask on and keeping away then respect that as I respect all of those who do not wear mask and do not seem to be too bothered about social distance etc.

My DH and I were watching the Wim Hof programme the other day and all of the fuss around taking a 15 second cold shower. DH turned to me and said “I wonder what Putin and Xie would say if they were watching this”. As woke as pride myself to be, it did make me ponder…

The problem is that the pandemic isn't actually over yet. People might be behaving like it is, but there are still around 1,000 people dying every week in the UK within 28 days of testing positive (even more if you go to 60 days, for those who are likely on ventilators). And you can't have it on the death certificate unless it actually contributed to the death, so the figures are accurate.

People are still getting ill, long Covid is a roll of the dice every time someone catches the disease, and now there are young children with acute hepatitis, which may also be related.

It's been an exhausting couple of years, but for those of us still trying to avoid it, now can be worse, in some ways, because so few people are bothering to wear masks. So if people are turning down invites, that's usually why. Because they know it's still not over yet, and they're still trying to protect themselves or others from serious, long-term illness.

Not everyone is coping be more kindly . I for one have massive anxiety and in vulnerable category.

People have been through a life-changing event - less so those who haven't been directly touched by Covid, but even so, lockdown was something none of us had ever been through before. It's left a lot of people thinking differently about life. I sort of know what you mean OP, but I don't think there's much you can say or do without alienating people.

I held my dads hand as he took his last breath from covid . It has made me very wary and tbh I will continue to do whatever I can to keep myself safe. Covid is a case of pot luck in how bad it affects you and I’m not prepared to take that risk. Personally I’m sick of the attitude of ‘get a grip’. It’s still with us, and even if you want to go out , increases in fuel and utility bills will now restrict the fun things in life.

Completely agree.

Some people may have reasons to be cautious, nervous or downright scared, and they’re not obliged to explain that to you.

Everyone's experience has been different, it WAS a terrifying time for most of us. Some people have very short memories.Of course we have to get back to normal,and most of us are,but we have to be understanding of the feelings of others.

I'm waiting for an operation in June and it will be put back if I catch Covid. So myself and DH are still masking up and being very careful, as I really need this surgery. I'm getting some very pitying looks in shops but I don't really care...

Have you been living inside my brain?! I feel we could be soulmates

A lot of us are suffering from bad anxiety/ptsd or whatever from going through the experiences we have done both personally with friends and family, and also in simply being in the middle of a global pandemic, with all of the uncertainty that entails.

So the posters saying that people need to come back out of it all now are ignoring

1. it's not over yet.
2. mental health just doesn't work that way. Do you also tell friends with depression that if they just cheered up a bit more they'd be happier?

It's going to take time for many of us. And, speaking for myself, I'd need a lot more mitigations in public places before going indoors anywhere maskless again.

YABU, OP. If someone is ill, no matter what the cause they should now and always should have stayed away from other people. It used to infuriate me that people would cone to work with a cold and spread it like wildfire cos they didn't clean their hands sufficiently etc or sneezed into the air. Completely gross, selfish and irresponsible. Colds might not kill people but when you're immune system doesn't function well or is over active and you're on immune suppressants, even colds can be very dangerous.
This virus is a killer, look how many people have died and we were all locked away from it?! I have no idea how bad it could have been. But the price of isolation is now showing and some people are still managing the virus by masking up etc etc. And if that's good for them, we all need to be happy with their decision. There are also many of us (around 17m people in UK) who are susceptible to the virus, so anyone who catches it needs to stay at home - not all jobs can be done from home, but most of my colleagues have managed to do some work whilst they have covid (im so thankful for vaccines).
The pandemic is not yet over, they typically last for 3 years before they become a background infection. We are in year 3 now.

We seem to have forgotten 'the dog ate my homework' excuses of yesteryear and replaced them with much more 'legitimate' reasons for not rocking up. Having covid, feeling unwell are legitimate, not being ready might be acceptable as mental ill health is rife at the moment, not just here but globally. Of course exam boards can't accommodate someone not turning up for an exam - but they can think about how they enable that person to do an exam remotely or at a later date if they are unwell (or maybe the school does). My son did all his exams at home with an invigilator.

The two things this experience has really brought out for me are

-whose behaviour is selfish

• whose behaviour is flexible

Don't be the first, but do use flexible thinking to find solutions.