Wedding drama

[Hiimblahblah]

Myself and my DP are getting married aboard just after summer. My family have known we were planning a destination wedding for around a year now, and I had given them a heads up that they would need to start saving from when we first announced it. Several of them still have not booked flights, accommodation, or got their passports, which is upsetting as I know they've spent money on other expensive things in the meantime.

Our official marriage will take place in England, then we are flying out the next day for the abroad wedding. The only 2 people attending the English ceremony is my DPs DGF and DD as witnesses. The reason we're only having these 2 people is because my DPs DGF is paying for that part of the wedding, and we need 2 witnesses.

My DSis has asked if it would be possible to attend the ceremony in England due to her financial situation and the fact that she has her own wedding to pay for next year, but we really don't want our wedding to be the English one. We're not really treating it as anything special, we're just going out for a meal after and then going home to pack up.

AIBU to tell people they can't attend the wedding in England?

Note from MNHQ - please read OP's second post before responding.

This has to be a reverse. Imagine being so up your own arse.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

@Hiimblahblah you must be new to mumsnet! The only acceptable mumsnet wedding is the bare bones frugal wedding like @Musicaltheatremum but of course you MUST also invite every child your guests have ever met as posters couldn’t be expected to attend an event without their precious little darlings. 😂 the less effort you or your guests make for your wedding the more mumsnet approval you get! Your dress should ideally cost £15 - bonus points if you make it from some old curtains yourself. If you can flagellate yourself with a big branch for having the audacity to want people to make an effort for you that’s also more bonus points!

YANBU to be upset at the lack of effort for your wedding. I’ve been to two friends destination weddings. I did start to save up once they said when it was and booked the time off in work. Both of these were legally married beforehand but I didn’t see their weddings as a farce. I was delighted to be there to celebrate with them and had a wonderful time. I have another destination wedding in the US next year so we are planning our leave around it and putting an extra money aside. But then I like my friends and family so I’m happy to prioritise them unlike many here!

This.

Sorry guys, but yes, I'm the sister.

I seriously thought my DB was a little more considerate and less self centred, until this wedding came about.

I got engaged 2 years ago and started wedding planning, DB and SIL had already been engaged 3 years when I got engaged. I started wedding prep straight away, which prompted by future SIL to start making plans for her wedding. I said I was planning for 2022, she said that she also wanted 2022 - abroad.

I agreed that she could have the year of her choosing as she was engaged first, and I would do mine a year later. We couldn't expect our family to fork out to attend a wedding abroad and a home wedding in the same year. She said to go ahead and book our wedding for 2022, which I did. I then found out through FB that she had started planning for 2022 also without telling me, which really pissed off off. I said nothing, and started planning for 2023.

My brother sent us a text last summer stating to we should start saving now, as it can be expensive to go to Spain. They're not subsidising us in any way at all. They know how much it's costing us, and they haven't once acknowledged that we're spending a lot, and/or that they appreciate it. They just get shitty with some of my siblings for not getting things booked.

I'm also very hurt that they aren't inviting any of our family to the official wedding. They claim this us because SILs DGF is paying for that part. Yet, we're expected to pay a shit ton to attend an abroad wedding 🙄

Well at this rate you will have no-one at either wedding. Is that what you want? Why don't you change the one in England to your actual wedding (because it is) and treat the abroad part as your honeymoon instead?

Hahahaha oh my god. This is you and your DP's wedding, no one else's, no one cares about it like you do. If someone told me to start saving money / holiday days for their wedding I would laugh in their face. You are welcome to do what you want for your wedding but please don't expect everyone else to play along.

Oh, dear. When you think of bridezilla, you just need to look at a mirror.

People should NEVER expect others to attend their abroad (I assume it´s not aboard, unless it´s on a cruise ship) wedding. Even less so if it´s not even their official wedding ceremony, FFS.

Unless when you first mooted the idea you got an enthusiastic yes please can’t wait we will be there with bells on from your nearest and dearest, then….what did you expect?

Are you paying for anyones accommodation or anything like that? What would be the outlay per person?

I have seen from others a family group go on a splashy holiday together and there is also a wedding. About 20 people all told with parents using the money they would have given for the UK wedding for the flights etc. bride and groom have paid for some too- such as accommodation etc.

You are not being unreasonable to say ppl can't attend the England ceremony. That's your choice. As far as I am aware a lot of destination weddings are not actually the legal part, could you do the legal part in the country you are going to as part of the ceremony?

I take it 'I gave them a heads up to start saving' as not really rude or anything just letting ppl know you are planning a foreign wedding, better than letting ppl know 6 weeks in advance. However, you can't blame ppl for not choosing to prioritise your wedding over other things. A foreign wedding would be the bottom of my list this year.

Cross post.
Good to see you´re not the bridezilla, OP.

@Hiimblahblah why didn’t you tell him from the start that with the expense of your own wedding you can’t go to his? Why lead him on that you would be there?

Im really shocked that PP ( am i?) that some one organising a wedding is "selfish"
it's literally THEIR DAY!?
cos its MUCH less hassle than these twats that

• book the ceremony MILES from the reception


• then dont provide transport between


• or book county hotel in the middle of nowhere


• with no transport to or from


• but expect everyone to stay IN the hotel ,ot worse its sold out but expect to taxi it to nearest rural bloody hotel


• invite you to the ceremony, but NOT the dinner and THEN the evening?

jeeeeeez

@Hiimblahblah

Well blimey...what a pair of pains in the arse they are!

I mean, it's your brother. If you get on and you genuinely fancy spending howevermuch on a holiday in Spain which incorporates their 'wedding' then crack on, buy otherwise if just wish them the best and let them get on with it.

They're being absolutely ridiculous.

On a side note, the problem with reverse threads is that you´ll get the YABU posts forever now, because most people won´t see your update.

This is why reverses are so annoying. People have spent time writing responses that your brother will never get to read and you have not had any useful input on what you could do in the situation you are actually in.

Sorry guys, but yes, I'm the sister.

@Hiimblahblah what you need is advice on how to manage this situation with your DB/SIL. What you’re actually getting is a massive pile on against ‘you’ as a bridezilla. This is why reverses don’t work.

Reverses are such an obnoxious thing to do.

Reverses are really annoying OP. If they have that attitude then they aren't going to get many people attending. Being banned from the actual wedding in the hope people will go for the blessing instead is going to massively backfire. Especially these times when money is on a lot of people's minds, more than they're accustomed to.

Let them get on with it, it's their shit to deal with.

This is a joke right?

Couldn’t you just have written it properly? So irritating. Obviously they’re being unreasonable, which you already knew.

and I had given them a heads up that they would need to start saving from when we first announced it I can't believe that someone would even say this!

@MNHQ should ban posters who indulge in these pitiful reverse case scenarios. Why do it? I mean truly - why bother? Do you think fellow site-users are completely stupid?

It's not as though these 'efforts' aren't immediately transparent, given they're worded to elicit maximum censure for its (very obviously) unreasonable stance.

Tedious. Very tedious.

^^This.
I’m sorry but I wouldn’t pay out to go to a destination wedding, I simply cannot afford it.
Not everyone has the money to do this for goodness sake!