Wedding drama

[Hiimblahblah]

Myself and my DP are getting married aboard just after summer. My family have known we were planning a destination wedding for around a year now, and I had given them a heads up that they would need to start saving from when we first announced it. Several of them still have not booked flights, accommodation, or got their passports, which is upsetting as I know they've spent money on other expensive things in the meantime.

Our official marriage will take place in England, then we are flying out the next day for the abroad wedding. The only 2 people attending the English ceremony is my DPs DGF and DD as witnesses. The reason we're only having these 2 people is because my DPs DGF is paying for that part of the wedding, and we need 2 witnesses.

My DSis has asked if it would be possible to attend the ceremony in England due to her financial situation and the fact that she has her own wedding to pay for next year, but we really don't want our wedding to be the English one. We're not really treating it as anything special, we're just going out for a meal after and then going home to pack up.

AIBU to tell people they can't attend the wedding in England?

Note from MNHQ - please read OP's second post before responding.

With the cost of everything shooting up I'm not surprised people are struggling not to mention your expectations that they should allocate any spare money to attend your wedding. Having a wedding abroad by all means but so selfish to expect family to fund thousands just to attend when your having a registery office wedding anyways.

Cannot stand reverses.

What's the point?

@Hiimblahblah I think you got such a high votes for being unreasonable because you did a reverse which is annoying, unnecessary and derails the thread. You'd get a lot more sympathy by just telling your story!! I voted UABU for the reverse...but would have voted the other way if you had been straightforward!!

I reported your post as sick of these reverse threads.
Why didn't you just say you were the sister in your Op instead of pretending? This could just all be made up bollocks.

YABVU to post a reverse. Glad I'd seen that update before bothering to reply. I really wish people wouldn't do this. You could have just posted your own situation to get responses.

Your brother can choose to have whatever wedding he likes, wherever he likes and can also decide to only have a limited number of people at the legal ceremony in the UK.
However, it is up to those invited to decide whether they can afford to go to a wedding and can get the necessary time off and this applies to all types of wedding - whether "destination" or in the arse end of nowhere in the UK with compulsory accommodation in some overpriced hotel. Or one of these weddings where the guests have to fork out for their fucking food.

I hate them. Really don't see the need either.

Hate reverses. Go or don’t go to Blessing party abroad. If you are usually on good terms with brother it will cause a rift if you don’t go.
They obviously want the wedding in uk to be small. That’s their choice. They can’t force people to spend money going abroad. I don’t think you can just turn up at ceremony in same way as you can in a church.
It all sounds petty. Personally I’d suck it up and go if I could afford it. He is your brother.
I’d decide what you are doing and let him know asap, not pull out last minute.

On a positive note you are going to save an absolute fortune on your wedding photos. You will only need a maximum of three pictures for your real UK wedding, and will probably get away with one for the abroad “wedding” as no one will be there apart from you and your DH.

ditto wedding flowers, cars, cake, table decorations, food, champagne……….

Now clocked that this is indeed a reverse. I must say, the day my brother ordered me to start saving for this fake destination wedding would be the day I told him to get real and pointed out that I kind of need to put my mortgage and the food and fuel bills first.

Oh it’s a reverse. Well that unreasonable gene apple fell close to the other unreasonable gene apple didn’t it?

Ah, one of those pathetic reverses.

I think with the attitudes of everyone involved, including yourself, I'm not surprised there is so much conflict.

Basically this has been done the wrong way round, that's one of the key things. An unofficial destination wedding comes before the official one, otherwise the guests feel like they are shelling out for an attention seeking holiday they don't want to go on.

As always, nobody has to do anything. Nobody HAS to go abroad. The bride and groom don't HAVE to invite anyone to their small home ' wedding' , which quite frankly won't be worth anyone going to as it isn't an event, just a legal transaction.

Weddings are a complete pain in the back side. So much conflict, expense, hard work and misery just for a day.

I’m planning an abroad wedding because I don’t want to invite people. My immediate family can be nightmares.

The only time I’ve ever attended an abroad wedding is because the couple already lived abroad.

@Hiimblahblah I think you got such a high votes for being unreasonable because you did a reverse which is annoying, unnecessary and derails the thread. You'd get a lot more sympathy by just telling your story!! I voted UABU for the reverse...but would have voted the other way if you had been straightforward!!

Reverses are annoying

so your brother snd sil2b had been engaged fir 3yrs by the time you got engaged but no date

2yrs later so 5yrs engaged and still no date till you said was booking a date

does he want to get married really ?…….

buy yes obv unreasonable

their wedding is here. The legal bit making marriage

it is not a destination wedding, it is a holiday

I wouldn't be spending my annual leave and money on a holiday not of my choosing, especially if it's not even the legal wedding. I fortunately wouldn't need to save up, but just wouldn't want to spend it on that, sorry.

Why can't people just do the traditional get married here then honeymoon abroad thing, rather than carting the whole wedding party on the holiday?

Destination weddings are incredibly rude. You can't ask people to spend a fortune to watch you get married. If you want to marry abroad you need to pay for all the guests to get there.

I can't believe the entitled attitude of OP's DB,

Ah, that will teach me not to RTFT. Tell your brother that you refuse to go unless both your travel and accommodation at least are paid for by him, and you are very disappointed in him, you thought better of him than that.

Hear bloody hear!!!
OP, you have wasted the time of so many PPs who were responding to your post, believing it was genuine, and trying to assist.
Absolutely puerile and pathetic.

Reverses are utterly shit

Stop doing reverse threads, it's pathetic.

Destination weddings are incredibly rude. You can't ask people to spend a fortune to watch you get married

I don't think it's rude to have a destination wedding - it IS incredibly rude and self centred though to get arsey when people say they can't attend.

As far as I'm aware it doesn't cost anything for people to go and actually watch the ceremony, whether it's in a church or registry office - why don't they just let the people who want to watch but can't afford the completely pointless party abroad afterwards holiday do that?

Oh, I know - it's because they're selfish sods!

Thirded

I couldn't get beyond the misuse of "myself." I am a proud grammar pedant