To have kids without having a career?

[Charlotte45]

I’m really ready for a baby now-I am 26, however I don’t have a very well paid job (it’s not terrible but not major money) DH is also ready for children. Are you ever ready?

I was 26 when I had my first. I worked ft throughout dc1 and dc2 and my career progressed once they both went to school.

The danger is your OH has “the big job” by the time he’s 33 and your career will never get off the ground because he can’t take days off when they’re sick, he can’t do drop offs and pick ups etc and your career ends on the back burner. He may not be that guy obviously but there are plenty of threads on MN by women who find themselves in the position.

Why would you be halving childcare costs with dh?

Probably with the wages from the jobs both OP and her husband have! 🤔

Do you want a career in a specific field because you have a strong interest in it or in developing your skills in this area? Or just because you feel it's what you're 'supposed to do'. It's not clear from your posts. You don't have to have a career. You can just have a job and still be very happy and comfortably off.

Not at all. You'd still have 36 years of your working life left.

Then why are you worried? Just have a baby.

DH and I have chosen not to have kids, but we always say that, to us looking on at our friends and family from the outside, it looks easier the younger you do it.
At 26 and with a job, but no 'career', you are less likely to be stretching yourself thin commuting for a demanding role that you have to work in 4-5 days a week. With a 'job', you can find work locally, with a short commute, and fit it around the kids (although you will be trapped at this level for longer).
You haven't developed a nice lifestyle yet, so you aren't giving so much up by having kids.
You typically will have more energy and be better able to cope with broken sleep.
And you probably have younger parents yourself, who might be able to help you out - or at least be more fun and active around their grandkids when they see them.
I will then add however, the older mums I know are less resentful for the things they can no longer do, because they've done them all.

I think someone people consider those who 'have a career' as being very well off, and those who don't as being a bit skint, but in actual fact a lot of 'career jobs, and sadly for women in office type jobs, the pay isn't always that much more than a shop worker etc.
The reason for this is due to the tax free allowance of over £12k, you can earn as low as £13k a year and still take home about £1000 a month.
If your DH earns a bit more you are by no means short of cash.
Basically what I'm saying is don't put having a career up on a pedestal in terms of income. It's important to do what you want to do when you want to do it 👍

I did this, it was fine when I was with DS's dad as he earns well but when we split up I became reliant on benefits to top my wage up. It's not great. Something you need to consider.

Sometimes people split up. You have to consider these things.

Why do you need a career ? It won't make you a better person or Mum. Do what you please not what everyone else would have you believe.

Go for it OP, you have a home and a steady relationship

With their jobs.

I don’t have a career, but my daughter has two ponies 🤷‍♀️

I had my DC, both planned at 21 and 23. Best thing I did.

I am moving up now in my job. Dp owns his own business. We own our home (mortgaged but both of us could afford it without the other)

If you're ready and your dp is ready and you can support and house a DC then go for it.

If I'd have waited I wouldnt have been able to have DC due to disability that when I was younger we didn't realise how bad it would become

OP, stop worrying. If your DH has a decent job and you can financially be stable, have a baby (if you both want that of course). Yes, you can re-train for a job at any age. Dont' put it off if you want to have a family. You can adjust finances. As long as you can pay your mortgage/bills and you make a plan to cover all that then just go for it (as long as DH is on board as well)

Do it! The most successful women I know had kids first, did the sahm thing for 5ish years, then were taken more seriously by employers when they returned to work as the employer wasn’t scared they’d be off on maternity leave etc.

I spent a decade building a career that went in bin when I had kids. What a waste of time it was for me.

I had mine starting 19, finishing at 32. Retrained and had a career. It is doable if you have good childcare, flexibility at work, and back up emergency childcare. Public sector type employment may be best?

Your DH earns a lot, you earn a perfectly decent amount, it’s obvious that a lot of people have kids without a ‘career’ so I’m not sure what you are worried about! If a career is important to you then yeah you are far better off doing it before kids, but if you are happy to just have a ‘job’ rather than career potentially forever (because life just gets in the way, career isn’t a guarentee) then go for it. Not everyone is career driven, there is nothing wrong with that.

Just to add I had kids starting at 24, worked full time but not in a dream job, and managed to switch careers last year at 31, starting at the bottom for my career but still totally on the right path, so it’s very doable, but much more affordable once the kids have started school.

Do you have to be really bright, savvy etc? I only got C’sin GCSE’s as I was too bothered about being miss popular, I regret that now as I should have listened more.

Depends totally on what career you want

There‘a too much pressure on women! How are we expected to have a baby at the correct age, get married at the correct age, and you can’t just have a job, it must be a career! You’re doing great OP, best of luck with the family plans

It depends on the life you want for your family and the opportunities you want as a person, as well as the opportunities you want to be able to provide for your children.

I maybe have a bit of a selfish/individualistic attitude but I would be bearing children for no man until I felt I was in a position to care for myself and my offspring entirely without his help, if necessary. If it meant delaying children so I could be professionally sorted and set up for self sufficiency in the future (if I ever needed it) it’s the road I’d take.

But as PP’s have said, yes it’s totally possible to develop a career at a later date, it’s not the easiest option, but with determination and a partner who recognises your desire to have that for yourself and will support it, you can do it. But you don’t want to end up in a situation where he gets used to you being at home and doing all the wife work and having no money of your own, and isn’t supportive of it and leaves you to struggle and flounder, trying to work, study, mother and run a house with absolutely no assistance from him.

I think it’s pretty obvious that the OP has a desire for a career or she wouldn’t even think to ask the question, lots of women don’t, as far as they know or care, they were destined to procreate and nobody in their families ever encouraged them otherwise.