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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have kids without having a career?

175 replies

Charlotte45 · 09/05/2022 15:08

I’m really ready for a baby now-I am 26, however I don’t have a very well paid job (it’s not terrible but not major money) DH is also ready for children. Are you ever ready?

OP posts:

MochaHoldTheMilkAndCoffee · 09/05/2022 15:54

Loads of people never have a career (it's not important to everyone) and go on to have children. You're on more than NMW so in a better position than a lot of people. I echo what PP have said, as long as you can provide for any children you have then I wouldn't be hung up on having a career if it's not something you want.

BigFatLiar · 09/05/2022 15:55

No reason you can't put career off till the children are a little older. Early years can be focused on being mum and earning some money if you need it.

MochaHoldTheMilkAndCoffee · 09/05/2022 15:57

Charlotte45 · 09/05/2022 15:52

I suppose what I mean is it I decide on a career afterwards will I be able to do it?

Of course, people have retrained and built a career at all stages of life, I'd imagine that it'll just be harder to juggle with a family. Saying that, you'll be out of the maternity leave stage and would be able to go full speed at progressing the career without taking 9m gaps, if that's what you want to do.

MinnieMousie · 09/05/2022 15:58

As long as you have the money to support a child and any emergencies that may arise over the years.
And of course, willing to put in the time and effort in what it takes to have a child despite also wanting to keep your job-
Then honestly that a much better situation than most put children through so I wouldn't worry about it at all.
Just remember... the moment you have a child, you'll have someone who will depend on you for the rest of your life. You can't put yourself first anymore- it will be them first always.

Dixiechickonhols · 09/05/2022 16:07

Have you priced nursery? You might find yourself in the not worth working trap as your salary is same or less than nursery fees.
Depends on career you choose, how much help you have, finances, support of DH and needs of of children/disabilities. Anything with placements or very long work hours will be harder with children.

Original poster

Charlotte45 · 09/05/2022 16:14

Yes priced nursery will be about £600 for 2 days pw which if halved with DH plus bills will have about £400 left?

OP posts:

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 09/05/2022 16:18

Why are you halving costs if your DH earns much more than you?

catscatscatseverywhere · 09/05/2022 16:19

Your salary isn't a fortune, but you have a mortgage and you're married which is good. If you don't have any loans or credit cards, I think you can manage child expenses.

SweetPetrichor · 09/05/2022 16:21

It really depends on what you want to do. The common theme in my career seems to be that women get chartered (roughly 5 years post-graduating - although is experience opportunity dependent) then start a family. This is cause it'd be hard to get the ball rolling again after taking time off. Doable, but much better to get the chartership sorted first, then you've got a clear road ahead for family having!
But equally people have kids and never have a career! As long as you're happy and can put food on the table and pay the bills then life's your oyster. If you want a career first, go for it. You've got years ahead of you to start a family.

findingsomeone · 09/05/2022 16:22

It will be a lot harder after kids but not impossible if you want to do it. Doesn't sound like you necessarily do want to though, which is fine. Not everyone wants a career. Sometimes I day dream about having a job and not a career.

Norgie · 09/05/2022 16:23

Thousands of women have kids every year without a career. I don't understand what the issue is.
You don't have to have a career to be a mother.
Some even manage to be a mother without a job at all. Shocker hey.

Original poster

Charlotte45 · 09/05/2022 16:50

Don’t most people have career in place beforehand though?

OP posts:

MountainDewer · 09/05/2022 16:54

It’s a lot easier to retrain and get back into the workforce now, compared to 10+ years ago. Lots of continuing education, even programmes specifically for women and career changers.

However it’ll still be more difficult with kids in tow. You need a properly supportive DH.

What sort of job, skills and qualifications do you have now?

MountainDewer · 09/05/2022 16:54

@Charlotte45 no.
The ‘majority’ of people don’t even have careers and never will.

WhoppingBigBackside · 09/05/2022 16:56

Start a family. You can have a career later

Divebar2021 · 09/05/2022 16:59

I think if you want a career then it’s worth thinking about doing it first. A lot of the flexibility that you might like with a family - WFH, part-time hours or compressed hours etc are available to employees with a few years under their belt at an organisation rather than something you can necessarily get from day 1. If you think you’ll never be particularly interested in a career then obviously it’s not relevant.

catscatscatseverywhere · 09/05/2022 16:59

Charlotte45 · 09/05/2022 16:50

Don’t most people have career in place beforehand though?

Meh. Depends what you consider career. I have quiet job in accounting, I just think of it as a job, not career. And I am also planning to have a baby next year (fingers crossed).

Mrsjayy · 09/05/2022 17:01

You know so e people have jobs they don't want "careers" and are happy enough if you and your husband want a family do it.

Thepeopleversuswork · 09/05/2022 17:04

It very much depends on lots of factors:

a) Do you want a career ever? Or do you just feel you ought to have one?
b) Are you happy with staying at home for some years?
c) How happy you are in your marriage and how confident you are that you are in the right one? (I know there are no guarantees).
d) Critically: how supportive your DH is of your working after you've had children and whether he would be prepared to support you going back to work.

Its hard to answer your question without addressing these.

If you really really want to have a career at some point I would put children off until you get established. It is possible to start a career after children, but its much more difficult. It will also depend on having a DH who supports you in this goal, or splitting if he doesn't. Personally I wouldn't have wanted to have children without having established myself first and I wouldn't have wanted to rely on my OH's income as I think its too risky to be dependent on someone else to support the whole family.

If you're not fussed about the career but just think its something you ought to do just because, then maybe have children now as long as you are married and feel supported to go back to work.

I would really give some thought to how supportive your DH is though. Be brutally honest about it. If he is prepared to pay the lion's share of childcare when you do go back to work, and do his bit domestically, you'll be in a much stronger position to do this. If he is going to resent the fact that he's being asked to do this its a non-starter.

FAQs · 09/05/2022 17:04

Of course you can, I can’t believe someone wrote off the age of 33! Plenty of time to train and have another 26 years in a career.

Original poster

Charlotte45 · 09/05/2022 17:05

If I have a baby now and then another in 2-3 years say (I know I’ll be lucky to even get a baby at all) will I be too old to retain at like 32?

OP posts:

FAQs · 09/05/2022 17:06

If you want a career, it’s not a requirement to, you can be happy in the right job which isn’t considered a ‘career’

Thepeopleversuswork · 09/05/2022 17:07

Charlotte45 · 09/05/2022 17:05

If I have a baby now and then another in 2-3 years say (I know I’ll be lucky to even get a baby at all) will I be too old to retain at like 32?

The age at which you decide to retrain is not the point really (certainly at your age).

The killer questions are a) whether you will be able to afford to retrain then and b) whether your DH will support you in your decision or whether he'll mither you about being expected to pull his weight on the home front.

Dixiechickonhols · 09/05/2022 17:12

What are you thinking Op career wise?
Lots retrain in their 30s - you’ll still have 30 plus years working. Some careers attract lots of older applicants eg nursing, social workers etc.

Pleasecreateausername · 09/05/2022 17:13

I had a career and then had children and now everything has changed. I actually want to take a step back from this career for a while to focus on mumming and then have ideas for a new career when they start school - I have full confidence I will be able to figure it out and get back on the career wagon. I know you can too if that's what you want one day. Go for it, honestly, so much joy awaits X

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