Irritated at comment at work

[Tuesdaytuesday]

My working environment is a bit odd, in that I am a lecturer but when I started here 4 years ago I was placed on a desk in the large open-plan administrative services office (desk space at a premium) and here I’ve remained. I’ve posted about it before but for different reasons (unable to really focus to work as it is noisy).

I hope this doesn’t make me appear up myself. The person who sits next to me works with me, but I’m full time and she works 3 days. One day last week when she wasn’t in, the (male) receptionist asked me where my partner in crime was and said that he thought of us as Cagney and Lacey. I was surprised, and somewhat irritated. I’ve no idea why someone should think that, never mind say it. My colleague and I aren’t Siamese twins or do everything together though we do attend some meetings together. I chose not to respond to the comment but now wonder if I should have said something. He would not have said something similar to two male lecturers or two female lecturers who weren't based in the same room as him.

What do you think?

I missed the post about her being a part-time project something-or-other.

I was about to come back and ask MN to remove my post as I made a mistake.

I’ll leave it now though.

I’m struggling to see why you’re so irritated though. Is it just the perceived sexism thing? Because at my office there’s a ‘Bert and Ernie’ and a ‘Joey and Chandler’.

I imagine he wouldn't have linked two male staff together as Starsky and Hutch.

Two male staff where I work have been called "Laurel and Hardy" before now. Is that more acceptable?

This person doesn't sound awfully witty but it can't really be classed as banter either because it's in no way a joke, as such.

I think you're reaching, OP. It's annoying only in that it's a crappy and irrelevant reference but it's not offensive at all.

It's about as offensive as calling a pair of male workers who share an office space Batman and Robin. Should he also not have made eye contact and backed meekly out of the room with his head down maybe?

Me and my work chum got called Hinge and Bracket. Could be worse.

You're missing the point. It's not about the comparison with anyone. I don't care if it was Cagney and Lacey, Laverne and Shirley, Thelma and Louise, Zippy and Bungle or Mary-Kate and Ashley.

I actually have a good relationship with this guy and as I have said, he's approached me a lot for support with his course and received it. I don't think he is being rude or demeaning. However I've worked with him for 4 years and I know he would not say that to men, other than maybe those he works with, or the porters.

In the workplace, I want to be called by my proper name and not likened to anyone. Simple as that.

Thanks for the comment on my worthiness, though. Much appreciated.

However I've worked with him for 4 years and I know he would not say that to men, other than maybe those he works with, or the porters

This makes no sense, So he would say it to men he works with?

Lowly men.

You said he wouldn’t have said it to two female lecturers, so the reason you’re upset is because he was seeing you in the same bracket as a part time admin. Yes you are up yourself. Not very nice.

Of course he wouldn't call men Cagney and Lacey, no. I mean the general banter-ish comment. He might - and has - said these things to the very few men in this room. He would not say it to a professor of materials science, no.

I think unless you've worked in this particular environment, its difficult to see how odd the comment was and how demeaning it can come across as. It would have gone down like a lead balloon at the universities I've worked at.

As for the poster who made the comparison with blokes calling each nicknames on a building site - seriously? You think everyone behaves the same in every workplace?

Over the past few years you probably feel a bit resentful of where you're seated. For someone to assume you're on the same team has irritated you, although I don't think it was meant offensively. But you're fed up where you're sitting so it hit a nerve.

This is my point about disrespect for a woman that would not be applied to a man.

The pile on to OP in this thread is outrageous anD everyone in the mob should hang their heads.

You said he wouldn’t have said it to two female lecturers

I'm struggling to find where I have said this. I am not upset, either. I never said I was upset. I said I was irritated. I didn't say he was seeing me in the same bracket as a "part time admin" either. The colleague I was referring to, the other half of the "Cagney and Lacey" team is a project manager working three days a week.

What’s wrong with not wanting to be mistaken for admin staff?
I’m a female software developer and people used to assume I was admin/project management.
Nothing wrong with those roles. Except that there’s already sexism and women’s technical expertise isn’t taken seriously.

Idk if it’s the same here but people ‘associating’ me with someone random would be annoying.

I assume you were taken aback by the informality, OP, rather than the specific names?

I think the approach to academia is changing. It's much less formal than it used to be. If that bothers you, fine, but it's the direction of things. Should a student have said it to you, that would be inexcusable, but from a colleague? I don't think irritated is reasonable, no.

PS: they really must get you an office; that's utter shit of them.

You said it in your OP. Your issue is being bracketed with admin staff.

He would not have said something similar to two male lecturers or two female lecturers who weren't based in the same room as him.

Last lines of your OP>

Also to add people would never have assumed a MAN was any of the those roles . Just that he was a dev there to talk to project management or whatever.

Obviously you know the tone of your workplace but a building site’s nicknames really isn’t comparable to every single workplace. Where I work such a remark would be childish. Unless you knew the person really well…

I have only today learned what is meant by vipers.

I know he would not say that to men, other than maybe those he works with, or the porters.

Ah, so he would say it to men, then. Just men that he considers at his level, or below. And because "I am seen as one of their team as I have been in the office so long", he seems to think that you are at his level.

Doesn't he know that you're a lecturer? And that you are only seated among the lowly admin staff because of the desk space issue? Normally you wouldn't be seen dead sitting near the likes of him, of course. Perhaps you should take in some pay slips to show him so he doesn't start getting ideas above his station.

You'd be willing to get someone sacked/reprimanded over this? Get a grip, that's ridiculous.

The OP states it's a male receptionist, would yiz all have the same issue had it have been female cosI am struggling to see what the issue is?

You're right I did. I think it's because of the familiarity of me being in the same room that he felt he could say this to me. My colleague (who sits beside me) has been here about 18 months but only 6 months in person. The vast majority of other staff have office space to themselves, or share with one other colleague.

I've already brought this up at work. I have ADHD and I find it almost impossible to work in this environment, which is a separate issue to the OP and about a hundred times more serious. I can't assess work or interview students because of the location and noise. However, I've located an office that's currently being used for storage which I hope to get kitted out.

Ha ha very funny.

Why should people hang their head in shame and be called in the mob or vipers because they are in the majority of people who think the OP is being unreasonable.

OP, you can go back to him and tell him you didn't like it and I'm sure he won't say it again.